Michael

I'm traveling through time and space at astronomical speeds yet I get a chance to watch everything around me. Stars, planets, meteorites, clouds, glass giants, space storms, gravity wells, unnamed things that look back if I stare into them too long.

I was dematerialized into a thousand little pieces and being taken home, to the birthplace of humanity.

I watch all around me in wonder, trying to take it in, trying to understand, trying to know. But its all so beyond me, even the knowledge I'm somehow just acquiring from being here is fleeting, insubstantial somehow. Its knowledge that's not actually mine, I haven't earned it, so I cannot fully grasp it but only glimpse it in passing.

It's a phenomenon very similar to having a song playing in my head. Inside my mind I can follow the song well, I can almost hear the lyrics and I have the rhythm and beat down to a 'T'.

I can sometimes even imqgine/hear the song in the exact same tone and voice of the original artist. But the moment I open my mouth to sing along I mess it all up. I realise I don't really know the lyrics by heart and my rhythm is all wrong. So I either have to actually listen to the song again or just let it play in my mind.

So too with this knowledge that's in me but isn't mine, it is knowledge that is mostly unknowable to me. I try to grasp a concept and it slowly disappears through my fingers. I've been high often enough to know that sometimes you just have to enjoy the high, wherever it may choose to take you. And so I just give up trying to understand or retain, I just let it filter through me. And I know a multitude of things, some for a split second before even the knowledge of what that knowledge was is gone. Leaving me with nothing but a feeling of regret that such a thing can be known but I don't even remember what the knowledge was which's lose I'm mourning.

As I allow everything to happen freely, letting this 'high' take me where it should, everything happens quicker. I no longer have physical eyes, hands or a mind but I see, touch, semi comprehend. If I still could I would weep at the wonder before me, at the truths that make themselves known.

The tragedy that is human existence for we lack such knowledge, such basic universal truths and we are less for that lack. Even as I comprehend this the knowledge passes from me, nothing here is mine to claim.

Herman Melville described something very similar to what this life we lead as humans is in the book Moby Dick. "Like a clam looking up from the bottom of the sea and being in awe at the wonder that is the sky." He said, or something very similar.

Do people know that every single picture of the gallexy, or even the solar system isn't up to scale? If the planets that revolve around the sun would be drawn or shown to scale they would be microscopic to the human perspective. Thats how far apart everything is and that's how vast our little corner of the galaxy we call Sol is. How much more the rest of the vast void that is outer space?

I start getting a deeper knowledge of things I already know or thought I knew. Things I've actively spent time researching or practising or studying. I'm shown truths about these things, truths that are so pure and real that I wonder how so many of them go overlooked by humanity, and some of this knowledge I retain.

Religion is strange, Christianity to be specific is illogical in its premise. Even the Jews, the people through which Christ is introduced to the rest of the gentile world find Christianity completely irrational.

The idea that a supreme being could volunteer to lower itself to the mortal realm with its muck and imperfections. Then allow itself to suffer in the extreme and be sacrifices while taking all that unwholesomeness into itself to the grave with it.

A mission that could only have been performed by a being from outside the mortal realm, a being that isn't inherently evil like the rest of humanity. A being that was pure and perfect, and manage to maintain that perfection even in the mortal realm in order for the evil of man to diffuse into when he goes to the grave.

Its a completely illogical concept yet as I pass through whatever it is I'm passing through I see the truth of it fully. I see that logical and rationality have absolutely nothing to do with it and humanities obsession with rational thought is preventing so much irrational truths from being fully explored.

Rationality itself a philosophy only introduced into popular culture in early years of 1600 EC. When men like Galileo were proven right about the rotation of the earth, or Newton proven right about our basic understanding of mechanics or even Vesalius furthering human understanding of anatomy.

All men and women who had a lot of push back from the Church at the time almost every step of the way. Yet men and women that were justified in their beliefs and philosophies by the practical benefits that could be garnered from their work.

Yet for every route taken another is abandoned, for every invention that gets popular it's competitive counterpart becomes disregarded. For every airplane built a blimp with never see the light of day, for every windows software that permeates the computer market its alternatives get pushed to the side.

And because of that, because of humanity abandoning other promising branches of thought, philosophy, technology, combat for the more immediately efficient ones, the route of human evolution is getting narrower and narrower with time.

Limiting options of growth to what is known, what is proven. Anything outside the norm needing too much funding and too much outside the box thinking to be really feasible for most people or governments. Everything has a cost, even advancement, though we may not even know what we paid for it.

I learn more about storms, how they come to be, the spark that sets them off, the balance they have to maintain even while displaying the worst of their power. I learn about storms in space, storms that can encampus entire solar systems leaving devastation in their wake, but also promoting new life and the evolution of the old life. Sentient storms driven by instinct and able to moderate how much of the original design survives their passing.

I learn about the spirit, the mind, the soul. Topic I have searched the earth scour the globe trying to understand. Unfathomable subject but none as illusive as the soul.

I learn about the human body, my body to be specific. The most aggressively studied and obsessively trained subject in my time on earth. I know all my scans, I know all the details in my medical file and I've tried to learn as much as I can so as to better understand everything I read about my body. And as I gain small grains of knowledge on a vast variety of subjects that have interested me over the years, retaining an even smaller amount of the vast revelations that pass through/into me. I learn most about my body, how it works, how it should work, how I could have willed my nerves to bypass the injured part, how I could have been able to walk and so much more...

*

Not sure how long I stayed there like that in the darkness that wasn't darkness. But suddenly my particles or whatever form I was in were violently brought back together in a way that left me feeling like I am being torn apart.

Waves of power crash over me, disorienting me and leaving me utterly senseless as I fall through something..

I cough and hack out the fluids that are coming out of my mouth as I crawl on my hands and knees out of the the strange luminous liquid that had me in its embrace.

I take a deep breath and the sweetest sensation I have never imagined fills my body. I sigh contently as I open my eyes and realise I'm naked. Then it click, I'm on my knees, I can feel my legs!