Sachihiro

I wake up as though from a trance as I slowly come into my awareness finding everything and everyone skewn about me. That was amazing, but that was also terrifying; what the fuck is going on here? I lay here on the floor naked with more naked flesh all around me and I look into myself, I breathe in and out and go deep within introspective meditation.

I fall into the quiet mind state as though falling into a deep sleep nowadays, it comes when I call. With my mind silent I can think, I can feel without it getting in the way and I search myself as I lie here completely alert and aware but silent .

There a number of things that have marked me throughout the years of my adventuring and growth. Some changing the code of my blood permanently, some altering my spirit body and what it can and cannot withstand, others going so far as to permanently change the very shape of my soul. I listen to my spirit as I suspect that is where this change is coming from, I suspect Eros for this disruption in my life and it’s only my spirit body I have allowed to be contaminated by spirits.

Meditation and prayer can be different sides of the same coin I’ve realised in my time pursuing either and both. So even as I meditate I pray to my friend, my closest confidant, my only mistress, Sapientia. It isn’t with my mind that I pray but with my spirit, the secret is letting the quiet mind stay quiet and deal with things of the spirit by the spirit.

A lot of sorcerers actually have very little to no respect for deities, they see what they have been reduced to and see phantoms that influence the world but hardly directly get involved past influencing their worshipers and dedicated people. Though the world trembling potential power is there, or the vast knowledge of things beyond physical understanding, deities are mostly nothing without worshippers.

And so many spiritualists underestimate them, but I’ve learnt differently and I’ve definitely felt differently. Even as I call Wisdom my friend and my mistress we both know that she is much more than that to me at this point in my life. In order to prevent Eros from having a claim on me I had to let her have a deeper prior claim.

Wisdom is the reason I’ve been spending so much time with my family instead of training and exploring the world and surmounting new challenges like my blood demands of me. She is the reason I’ve chosen to bond with Om who even now I can feel hundreds of thousands of kilometres away instead of try to be his rival in terms of power and physical might.

She is the reason I've been so diligently able to harness the knowledge Zillah provides about the Underworld and Spirit world to make suggestions and inputs to the rune project Isis, Cici and I are working on. Listening to her council is the reason I have so many wives and children and how most of said wives are chosen.

Following her codes is the reason I don’t answer every challenge given against me or show my anger as quickly as I used to. Choosing a deity and allowing it free reign within you is not something that leaves anyone unchanged, and though we do not practice any formal form of worship in my household everyone here knows we honour Wisdom as many of my children are blessed by her.

As I look within myself and the changes that have been happening slowly within me over time I see some of the problem within me. I immediately assumed Eros the god of lust was up to something because he is the most powerful entity that has had deep access to me and that worried me because I’m not sure there is anything I could do to counter a move from a deity. At least not yet and not without serious help from the Conclave or other entities that come to mind that I don’t want to owe a favour.

But looking within me I immediately notice the clash of the multitude of forces fighting for a stable claim of my spirit body, a body its hinted might someday be my primary body if I live long enough. I have no idea how because I am an amalgamation of so much spiritually speaking and its that confusing mix that seems to be out of balance within me.

I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before but it seems I am ill, I have a spiritual imbalance and these episodes will likely keep happening if I don’t get it looked at immediately.

`*

‘’You know our help doesn’t come cheaply, yet you come to us still?’’ Makin asks studying me with her uncanny lidless eyes staring a hole into me unwaveringly.

I fidget again, I don’t even know what it is I’m uncomfortable with but I feel no aura, no invasive power or influence, the thing is just staring at me. Ma is behind me slightly to my left and I see her fidget as well and the thing isn’t even looking at her.

‘’I like you guys, you fascinate me.’’ I say with a shrug before looking away from her and at her two acolytes Susan and Bobbie, both the weirdest fae I have ever met but they are still normal in comparison to the strange genderless sidhe.

The is a second of silence before she stands and walks up to my chair as smoothly as all the sidhe do as though gravity or air resistance is a suggestion they can ignore at their leisure. She is here and her cold yet soothing palm is on my forehead and I blink and swallow my saliva as I try to bring my hand back up and away from the dagger on my waist.

I saw her move, in fact I watched her get up, take steps and reach her arm up to touch me yet somehow she did that before I could fully realise it or get a hand on my weapon. Was she fast or did she slow me down somehow? If she was too fast for me to react to how did I catalogue all her movements so accurately?

‘’Yes, it is as you suspected Lady Divina. Your son is not in balance with himself and the things that have a claim on his spirit, there is no harmony within him.’’ Makin says facing ma with his palm still on me.

‘’What will it cost to fix him?’’ Ma asks keeping eye contact as she does but quickly looking away as soon as she has spoken directing her gaze at the back of my head, the slight sheen of sweat the only evidence of the effort it takes to face what getting a zanpakutō has made Makin become. All nine of the sidhe are weird, they were weird before the forgings but now all of them are only humanoid by appearance and almost nothing else.

‘’If you allow me to study your creature extensively I will help you fix the problem you are currently experiencing.’’ Makin says directing his sending towards me this time and as almost all sendings there is nothing ambiguous about it.

My ‘creature’ in this case is Katya and by ‘study’ this sidhe will likely take her apart piece by piece, see how she works and why she is what she is before putting her back together. I doubt it will be very pleasant for her but thinking back at the memory of almost having sex with Hannah, my own daughter, really I think Katya can take some harsh treatment.

‘’No harm will come to her?’’ I ask out loud because sending to Makin is also an uncomfortable experience somehow.

‘’No permanent harm,’’ Bobbie says quickly and I can almost see the eagerness on him as the light from the floating globes is reflected off his very bald head.

Ma and I silently communicate as we realise that we have some leeway to negotiate for a better deal from the two bald fae that serve Makin.

‘’Katya is a unique specimen as I have gathered, its virtually unheard off for a physical being and a spiritual being to combine so thoroughly and efficiently while finding balance until they become a single entity,’’ I say looking at Bobbie since I can actually stare him down, but almost all my awareness is fidgeting around Makin but not finding any real purchase.

‘’Yes, your creature is an interesting specimen. Tell me, have you ever summoned it to your side through the ether of the spirit planes?’’ Makin sends as it steps back and gazes at me with those black eyes of hers.

‘’No,’’ I say keeping my eyes firmly on the two fae while the headache from trying to stare at the sidhe with my awareness builds at the front of my head. There are reasons why I haven’t tried summoning Katya or any of my spirit people things, but Makin doesn’t need to know that.

‘’With the nature of how unique she is and likely how simple my dilemma may be for you to help resolve I think it’s only fair that if any of my family become spiritually out of alignment as I have at any point in their lives that you will freely help balance them.’’ I say facing Makin but keeping my eyes firmly on her forehead.

‘’That is not something I can agree to, I will help two other people that you bring to me at any time within the next 200 years beyond that you are on your own. ‘’ She says and I nod my assent, its always best not to haggle with a sidhe fae.

‘’I request that my creature is spared any and all unnecessary pain and discomforts.’’ It’s best to specify that when dealing with non-humans, especially fae and elves.

‘’It will be as you say,’’ this time it’s Susan that responds and we all stand simultaneously, then Makin indicates for me to move towards the stairs.

‘’I have a ritual chamber ready at all times, let’s find balance for your spirit as quickly as possible. ‘’

I nod and walk where I’m directed ma a few steps behind me, she being the only one in a state of mind to accompany me here after the debauchery we all participated in.