My eyes open and I scan the blue blue sky. It’s quite hot but not unbearlingly so, I guess my gunk armor does a swell job as an insulator. But it has to go.

I tense as something appears to be gnawing on my pinky finger and in a swift motion, I grab the offender. Small, iguana-like lizard struggles in my grasp, its small stubby claws can’t pierce my skin. It must have chewed thru the gunk. I rise and as I descend from the roof of my cave, with my new pal in tow, I wonder about my dream.

Normally I don’t remember my dreams after waking up. Sometimes I get this weird sensation that the dream was scary or totally crazy, but not much than that. This time though, I remember it all with perfect clarity. It was really nice seeing my grandparents again. The rest was nice but the ending was really important to me. Was it cheesy? Definitely. Was that a motivational ending there at the end? Undoubtedly so.

As I reach the mouth of the cave I quickly grab whatever big rocks and sticks I can find and arrange them in a makeshift prison. The small guy is pretty weak and soon all he can do is furiously hiss from his new accommodation. I eye the contraption and add a few more branches and rocks here and there. I have few plans, and Jim is gonna lend me a paw.

Satisfied, I jog towards the stream. I admit I broke, nay, that I had a mental meltdown and not one but two. I remember some stuff I did, said, and thought. I don’t repress them, just let them play and watch them with cold detachment. The ease I am able to do that unsettles me a bit but I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I don’t really know how to psychoanalyze myself or how to check my general mental wellbeing. Maybe I should make comparisons to myself from before? Minus all those negative things that finally reared up and spit in my face. I dunno. But I definitely don’t want to end up in such a state as of late. I need progress, a small step each day.

I admit to being lost in another world. I admit to being dumped in the middle of nowhere, among the dinosaurs, and apparently, there is a real dragon here. I admit that during the meltdown all shit I ever repressed for whatever reason, surfaced. All my failings, bad habits, grief, and self spite. I admit I want to see my family again. I admit I’m a great geek and already said words like ‘System’ or ‘Menu’. No go, and that’s good, I would not like for my life to be reduced to just a string of numbers and values. It’s already hard enough. And most importantly I admit to trying a bit harder every day, taking one additional step each day. I admit to being weak and holding the last place in the food pyramid here. But that’s okay. I will struggle.

It’s damn useful that somehow I lost my tunnel vision. Normally when concentrating I totally lose awareness of my surroundings, it was a constant throughout all my life and now suddenly, it’s gone. I’m letting my thought and imagination run a thousand miles a second but I still retain a sharp sense of my vicinity. If there is one great boon you absolutely need but are not aware of it, then this is it for me.

Gunk gets ripped off, piece by piece on my way to the stream. Aggressive depilation makes me recall a nasty surprise Sis once presented me with. Till my last breath, I will defend my honor and proclaim that I did not utter a high-pitched scream at that time. I smile as I think of my Sis, wonder whats’ midget doing now.

In all those stories people hardly ever return to their homes. And two suns hint me that I’m a great deal away from home. Perhaps there is magic or some other funky energy that can breach great distances. But that’s for later. I will talk with Dad, Mom, and Sis later today but now I have to concentrate on my immediate needs.

Soon last of gunk and my body hair are ripped off and I submerge myself in the stream. I expected a great deal more pain when I was getting rid of that stuff but I will grab all small blessings I can. As I scrub myself I do thorough bodycheck and am dismayed by how emaciated I am. I’m not a living skeleton yet but I am damn close. On the other hand, my skin is baby smooth and I just can hear Sis complaining about the unfairness of it all.

I also regain my sense of smell finally, I don’t know if that is fast or slow but it’s good to have unclogged nose again, that gunk was vicious. Now on my way back to the cave, I collect a great number of grasses and leaves. I need to make some plant clothing. both for general modesty and camouflage. And let’s not forget the suns, outside the forest the sun’s glare is intense and until I can bronze up a bit I am in big danger of sunburns.

I toss materials beside the cave entrance and check on Jim. The little guy tried but did not manage to breach the holding cell, gotta make a cage for him. As I enter the cave a wall of putrid stench hits me. I forgot someone had an episode here and pissed, shat, and flung gunk in wild abandon. That would be me. But for now, this cave is my only alternative for now. Forest is too dangerous, even the trees. I just don’t know the ecology of this forest to correctly anticipate dangers present, yet. And I know grand nothing about mountain area. Could be nothing or mountain lions. Grumbling, I go back to the forest. I need much more leaves now.

-&-

As the suns dip into the crowns of the trees I contemplate my options as my fingers braid a simple rope. I give it a good pull. It’s nothing to write home about but it will work until I find better materials or just reinvent the right techniques and treatment. The cave got a good cleaning but the smell lingers. It will take a bit for it to clear or when I get some containers to transport water and give it a wash. I scraped what I could, rocks small and big got tossed out. I will bear it for now.

Foraging in the forest as always yielded a big meal of mushrooms. It makes you wonder if it’s normal or not. I definitely should not apply my world’s common sense here. I mean, the general common sense seems to be working, it’s the details that throw me off. Like this forest being choke-full of said shrooms or that flint, that I gathered at the riverbed. I’m not entirely sure it’s flint, at least the flint I know of. But I will get to it later. Anyway, the dragon gets tossed into that bag along with Death Shroud Shroom. And the fact that I have not seen any animal save Jim, it’s bigger bro with a taste for me and a raptor. Both Jim and his bro come from a mountain area, which I think can be pretty assured of. As for the raptor, I did not see its tail or crest since that fateful encounter. I’m happy but in general, it does not bode well too. Next are birds and bigger insects. I can hear birds singing further in the forest but here, in the immediate vicinity, it’s fucking silent.

The situation is weird and I have this sneaking suspicion that DSS is the reason for it. That thing is eerie and the fact it grows on a carcass fills my mind with different servings of fungal horrors. But I’m still here, feel emaciated but definitely, I don’t grow fungi anywhere on my body...or brain. I dare to hope that Cure-It-All protects me from any spores I could have inhaled, and each day I get a good sip anyway. So there is to hopin’.

It could be a foolish thing but I did pay a short visit to the DSS area today. Just to quickly mark the suppressed boundary with sticks. I did get a thorough wash after though. If this boundary stays the same then it’s good. If not then I will hit the panic button. It will involve a ring of big fires and torches being tossed inside. I know I can make fire. It will cost me time, nerves, and punctured blisters on my hands but I will do it. But maybe...okay, when I settle in a bit better and have more options I will revisit the idea of burning DSS to hell, no one likes it and I definitely don’t want that shit close to my base.

Anyway, that buckle of mine? It’s bronze. When I finally recalled that its friggin bronze I had to crouch and massage my head with my hands, so I don’t do something stupid like punching a rock or something. This brings in another interesting tidbit of information. My healed wounds leave white marks, right? I have a few white dots and splotches on my hands exactly where I was conducting skin tests on mushrooms. It’s obvious now that some of them had a little extra something, as my second meltdown can attest. But that’s exactly where Jim comes in. It doesn’t look strong, it’s small and probably does not have weird fantasy magical resistances so I will use it to test new edibles...and confirm those I already gathered. Just for the peace of mind.

I look at the finished cage I made for Jim and give it a good shake. Knots from braided grasses seem to hold and hopefully, Jim will stay inside. The change in residency saw me struggle with Jim as he kicked a mighty fuss. Now he warily nibbles at the branches and gives a dismayed hiss from time to time. No can do buddy, here, have some leftover shrooms. I will get you water as fast as I can.

Then I return to my other tasks. Evening finds me with a box-like backpack made from crisscrossing sticks, combined with a great number of simple fiber strings. Testing showed it should hold for now and the fibrous straps I made are gonna chaff me mightly but nothing I can do about it now. This brings me to my 'tiki ensemble'.

When I finally noticed what my hands are making when I was internally discussing different ideas, I had a good laugh. I fear losing my mind and all but I can’t stay broody all the time. It will break me too, just from another side, with a different kind of flavor. How can I categorize laughing, differentiate it, from happy laugh and harmless levity to full-blown evil maniacal laugh that makes your minions scamper around in fear? Is that it, is this line of questioning myself a proverbial canary in the mine? Am I spiraling down and my mind is fragmenting slowly, one piece at the time?

Outwardly I was always making a smile to face the world but inwardly, I was more of an empty half-cup type person. I always expected a fuckup, just so I will not be shocked in case of failure but pleasantly surprised in case of success. And now with constantly double-guessing myself and playing my own devil advocate, I grow weary.

I lift and inspect my new clothing. It’s basically braided fiber garlands with uniform leaves and grasses sticking down. Idea is to have it fastened on my ankles, knees, hips, shoulders, elbows, and wrists. It might give me just a little bit of camouflage if I stay still but my body odor will guide predators to me anyway. It should work well against sunsburns and I will revise it as needed. The pile of grasses, rocks, and general junk a couple of meters away from the cave is a testament to my poor and wasteful skills. On the other hand, civilization has come to this world and we can proudly present the first junkyard, yay.

I scratch my smooth head and tell myself that the first thing that comes tomorrow is a straw hat, sunsstroke danger is real.

My hands freeze as I fail to feel my brows, but then I just huff in resignation. Raging at every small thing or things beyond my control now will get me nowhere. This brings me back to the last thing in store for today. I am watered, fed, and took a sip of miracle water for good measure. Jim got few pieces of shroom and night is approaching.

I make my way up, just behind the cave mouth. There is a circle of rocks with a pile of leaves dumped in. I gingerly lay down and just look at the sky, eyeing the slow changes. It’s normal to be scared of dangerous animals, heck, it’s perfectly okay to be afraid of that haunting shroom in the forest. There are a great many things that scare me here, be it dangerous animals, the great unknown, my status as a lost but those sources of fear are manageable, I think. Wow, that was some serious hubris right there.

What I fear the most is losing my mind here. Loneliness gets to me. The recollection of how I went feral a couple of times in the last few days is concerning me greatly. I don’t want to anthropomorphize Jim too much, or make Mr. Plank and talk to him. I’m pretty much sure that way lies definite madness, but I need to talk. I need to talk to not forget how to talk, both in my mother language and English. Maybe later I will manage to make something to write on? Also if I talk, will it help me to ground myself better? I dare to hope.

The sky darkens and with each passing moment, I can see more and more lights appearing. When you live in a city the constant smog and light glow make stargazing extremely hard. Here the sky is absolutely clear and I allow myself to anticipate a beautiful feast for my eyes. I keep them closed and just like here, am resting. When I finally open my eyes, I am not disappointed. Actually, I am blown away by the majestic beauty above me. Colorful nebulas lazily writhe on the dark canvas, while a smattering of stars shines like gemstones around. When was the last time I was stargazing like this? Many, many years ago. Even when I and Jacob were trekking in the mountains I did not pay much attention to the sky during our camping. This actually makes me recall things.

Before the mad kaleidoscope of sights, smells, and sounds, which I now recognize me being deep in throes of fear-induced madness, there are few tidbits. We were going to get ready to stop for the night and we chose an elevated area on the trail. There were two logs hammered upright on the top of it, which we thought are trail markers. When we assembled camp and got the fire going we noticed carvings on both of those poles. One had symbols of thunder and the other had 4 carved faces, each facing a different direction. My knowledge of paganism is so rudimentary it might be nonexistent. I guess it might be some idol of a deity that governs four directions of the world? The other was easier, my money is on deity similar to Nordic Thor. Nonplussed we made merry and I was lazily playing a slow tune on my guitar when we noticed the sky getting overcast and we scrambled to put the tent up. That’s where memories get fuzzy. I wonder if Greg got sucked in just like me. Hope not. He was a grade one a-hole but also my good friend and I would never wish him ordeals that befell me.

I already dismissed the possibility of me being in a coma. All my senses supply me with so much information it really is impossible to have such a lucid dream. Not to mention the dream I had, that was definitely a dream and I woke up the moment I became aware of this fact.

Was I spirited away by some random freak accident or a will of some being? I can accept it being an accident. They happen, people get hurt for various reasons and sometimes you get dealt a bad hand at cards. People stand up, pat the dust away and get on with their lives. This the trait of humanity I always admired. Being able to rise from ashes and spit in the face of a world that would see us gone. Be it tales of fantasy, deep space, or another, humans drank their starship fuel, bathed in magical waste, and sent the fully automatic fire of enhanced spite rounds at whoever or whatever suggests we should go fade into the dark. Life never challenged me to the extreme, until now.

The thought that a will and choice of another could whisk me away, just like that, infuriates me. Could have left a memo at least. I file that thought away, maybe one day I will have more information to ruminate on this. My thoughts return to my current situation.

I am here on some distant planet that sports a binary sun and I have this sinking sensation that even if the ecology of this place appears to be similar to what I can expect back home, there is something here that just laughs and flips a fat one at physics and biology that I know of. I don’t recall it well but there was definitely a huge scaled flying roaring something. And Miracle Water, no, a Cure-It-All.

Be it wounds, infections, poisons, and indigestion it makes stuff go away. I have already made conjectures on its effects, but I have to add a few more. My eyesight? It got better, sharper. I have long lost my contact lenses but now I can see as clearly as ever. My hearing also is much better than before. At first, I was a bit overwhelmed by new sounds but It really drove in how much I was missing before. My sense of smell also got better after finally discarding the gunk that covered me. And my lungs, dear god, my lungs. I did not notice it before, but after assaulting the raptor with phlegm, now I can breathe so much easier. I was quite a heavy smoker and coughing from time to time was a norm for me. And now, with each breath, I can feel rich oxygen traversing my clear air ducts. It burns pleasantly in my lungs and I just can feel this energy in my veins. It’s...intoxicating. So on top of everything, detox too? Combined with the fact that it forces my body to expel concentrated waste, it made me recall novels featuring cultivation. I really don’t want a murderhobo cultivator showing up and taking away the very and only reason I can survive here. He/She would kill me for wasting earth’s treasure and not knowing the immensity of heaven and earth anyway. I did not see anything here that would definitely prove the existence of some form of energy, be it magic, aether, qi, or something like that. I still regard the Cure as a natural miracle of biology but it’s a shaky thought. Maybe...maybe this is some form of liquefied bio-energy? But why is it compatible with my body? Why is it not just burning me out? Wait, it does burn me out but as in, it burns through my fat reserves and biomass in a bid to supercharge my metabolism...I guess.

Biomass, huh? I really did call that liquid Panacea, but that thought actually makes me happy as I recall two things I like. Freckles and snark. That’s me and I’m proud of it.

This banter makes me feel just a slight bit better. The framework of this new reality is just a bit less hazy, my thoughts jump around with less intensity, and facts somehow get fitted in. It’s a shaky, ugly construct but I will add a bit of glue to it and hope for the best. I dare to hope. I’m allowed to hope.

My eyes leave the stellar spectacle above me and travel down. There, just above the forest, a cluster of three stars shine brightly. I guess it’s this world’s version of Sirius star, yet I don’t know which direction they show. I clear my throat and start speaking. My voice is weak at first but grows in intensity and emotion. I relax a bit more.

“Hey, Mom, Dad, and Sis. I’m far away now but still alive and kicking. I’m definitely not doing great but I will try to go the extra step each day. Maybe in time, I will get well enough to say it with conviction. That I am doing good. But for now, l want to tell you a crazy story of what happened. So hold your drinks tight, and you Sis, drop that phone young lady. I have this riveting tale from another world here, you will text your bae later. Anyway, …”