What followed was a deadly game of cat and mouse.

Wally rolled away from Wanda and scampered around her store, desperately trying to escape. She was as dangerous a person as he had ever met. Creeping forward slowly like a tiger stalking her prey, she masterfully prevented Wally from ever getting close to any exit, regardless of how quick his new body was. Inevitable doom slowly filled Wally with dread.

Thankfully the police’s response time was excellent. After only a few minutes of delaying capture, the sound of dozens of police sirens and screeching tires outside ended the chase. Wanda stood up straight and stopped chasing after Wally. Moments later, dozens of police rushed into the store. Wanda pointed at Wally and shouted, “ARREST THAT MAN!”

Wally was swiftly tackled and held down by several police officers. Wanda kept shouting orders and for whatever reason, the police actually listened to her. The unconscious invaders were taken out on stretchers. Wally was dragged over to a chair and his one arm was cuffed to it. The room was cleared of all but two officers. One to loom over Wally, and another to sit down with Wanda to get her story.

Wally looked up and growled at his policeman. Across the room, Wanda was explaining through tears, “They just came charging in here firing their guns around my shop. I thought it was those horrible men from the circus again. But, no, I don’t think it was them. One of them definitely called after ‘Tomas’,” she pointed at Wally, who was still growling.

“OK… This guy is Tomas? Any idea what they wanted from him?” her officer asked, pretending to take notes in a small notepad.

“No, but look at him, something sinister I would bet,” She replied.

“Uncuff me pig! I gotta hang a slash something chronic!” Wally shouted, pulling at his cuff and squirming on his chair. That jar of liquor had gone straight through him and was trying to force its way out with the weight of an ocean behind it.

“Hold it until we’re done, mate.” His designated looming officer told him.

Cold-faced, Wally grit his teeth at the officer and explained, "Seriously, ‘mate’, it’s so critical that, if I don't go right now, my bladder is gonna burst right out of me guts and into your face! You want that? You're the one they're gonna make scrub up the pieces."

The officer scowled in disgust. He was about to reprimand Wally for his language, when another policeman burst through the front door, interrupting them, “Fellas, we need you all outside right now, there’s trouble.”

“God, what now? Wait right here you two,” The police excused themselves and left the room.

“OI! I’M SERIOUS! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE I GOTTA PEEEEEE!” Wally screamed at their backs.

There was no time to spare. It was do, or die. Wally dragged his chair over to the coat rack and grabbed a new hanger with his teeth.

“Stop that! Put that down!” Wanda demanded.

A twist of his neck later, he had picked the handcuff’s lock and was free from his chair. He turned to Wanda with desperation in his eyes, “Please, It’s dripping out the nozzle, I’m gonna burst all over the floor! Lemme use the dunny!”

The pain in his face spoke volumes. She could see how serious it was. Pointing to the back exit, she said, “Out there, first door to the left. You wet my floor and I’ll dry it with your face,”

Wally rushed straight for the door, holding his crotch for dear life.

In the middle of the room, a sudden electrical vortex opened up, blocking his path, “NO TIME! OUTTA MY BLOODY WAY!” he screamed at it, skirting around, and continuing to the bathroom. Wanda could deal with whatever that was.

He threw himself out the back exit and spun to the left so fast that his shoulder barreled into the wall that the invader’s head had slammed into earlier. Spotting the toilet door his feet moved so fast that they skidded for traction. With moments to spare, Wally burst through the toilet door and threw his pants off.

“Ohhhhh sweet goddess,” he groaned. Urine splashed all over the toilet seat and onto the floor as the blessed relief caused his knees to buckle and his aim to go astray.

It was getting noisy outside. Wanda had started chatting with a new deep voice in the store. Further outside, he could hear many people screaming and shouting. Whatever the police left to take care of was getting rowdy.

In this moment of seclusion, Wally missed the simple life, fishing, smoking, and drinking. With a sigh, he finished up and left the bathroom.

Looking around the back room of Wanda’s store, Wally considered his chances of escape. He wasn’t keen on letting Wanda get her grubby mitts on his soul like she did the poor Tomas fella out in a jar on her table. But he didn’t like his chances of escape if he just ran. He needed something to defend himself.

The back room was strewn about with Wanda’s personal belongings and boxes of cheap imported mystic junk like that on display in the store. Sifting through, he found a box filled with dragon statuettes, like the one Wanda had threatened him with earlier and a box holding a few ornate decorative swords. He passed over both of these boxes however as none of the contents were hooked. Unfortunately, there were no hats in any boxes but after some more rummaging, he found a boxful of coathangers like the one he had used earlier; exactly what he needed, a boxful of coathangers like the one he had used earlier. Tomas’ pants were big and baggy enough for him to pocket an entire hanger, which he did.

Wally spotted a packet of cigarettes among Wanda’s stuff and promptly pocketed it too. He was really looking forward to having a smoke. However, he ran into a big problem, there was no lighter. He racked his brain trying to remember where he had seen one recently and cursed upon remembering; it was on the table outside.

Some heavy impacts outside the store shook the ground.

Cravings got the better of him and he decided to risk it and peek in on Wanda. Maybe she was distracted enough by whatever was going on out there to allow him to sneak in and grab the lighter. Cracking the door open, he spied into the shop. His jaw dropped.

Muscles upon muscles and those muscles had a set of muscles of their own. Wanda was talking to the largest man Wally had ever seen. The guy was a two-and-a-half metre tall giant of perfectly tanned, bulging mass. His ripped body would put any bodybuilder to shame. The reason Wally was able to understand just how impressive the man’s body was in such detail was that the bloke was entirely naked all over except for his eyes. There he wore Wanda’s soul-sunglasses. Wanda seemed to have no trouble with his outfit.

Another crash outside drew both Wanda and the man’s attention to the front door, “That’s my cue,” he said, “Thank you so much, Wanda. I promise I’ll be right back!” He turned back and reached for her shoulder, stopping abruptly when he spotted Wally peeking through the back door. He looked at Wally for several moments, before giving him a nod. Wanda spun around and glared. Wally cursed under his breath.

The muscle man waved at both Wanda and Wally, then ran out the door. Wanda held her hands to her heart and watched him leave. She let out a lovestruck sigh before spinning back on Wally.

Ok, new plan. Act casual like he wasn’t just caught spying, Wally strode back into the room rubbing his hand on his pants, “Far out, that felt good,” He kept his eyes on the front door, avoiding Wanda’s spiteful stare, “Anyways, who was the anaconda tamer you were yakking to?”

“He is none of your business. Cuff yourself back to the chair.” She ordered.

There was a howl outside, “Uh.. How about we go see what the fuss is outside and have a smoke first?” he asked hopefully. The smokes in his pocket were calling out to him.

Thankfully, it seemed Wanda’s cravings were available for negotiation, “Alright, but don’t you dare try anything funny,” She agreed, “I’ll get my smokes, don’t move.”

“No need, I got them here,” He smiled, pulling them from his pocket. She did not smile back but instead glared as she scooped up the lighter off the table.

They went to the broken front door and peeked outside. Turns out, Wanda’s shop was by the main street of a rural Australian town. The street was wide enough to comfortably park all the police and ambulances that had shown up, a pair of buses, a truck and a hundred or so people all at once.

Also turns out that Valhalla had begun in front of Wanda’s shop. Those hundred or so people mentioned before were all engaged in vicious melee combat.

Closest to the door, a pair of police officers were repeatedly clubbing a man in a green and gold uniform with their nightsticks. They were forced to stop when a woman in a white uniform, like that of the intruders, snuck up behind them and clobbered both of the police with two swings of a golf club. She didn’t get a third swing as another man ran past and tackled her. The police and the man they had been beating all stood up dazed before going their separate ways to join another part of the fight. Scenes like this were happening all over the street in every direction.

The street was pretty shady, Wally realised that the roof was moving. He raised his attention upwards to see why. It wasn’t a roof. Above the battlefield a large silver flying saucer wobbled about, blocking the sun.

The sound of metal on metal brought his attention back down. In the jaws of an enormous wolf-person, a silver robot was being slammed repeatedly into a bus. The naked man from before climbed the bus and leapt onto the wolf person, riding it like a rodeo cowboy.

Lasers were fired, the pavement was cracked, bones were shattered, and one guy's head exploded. It was chaos. Would have been a good time to say something or freak out, but Wally’s stubbornness again prevented anything of the sort. He was going to have a smoke first before anything else.

Pulling the cigarettes out of his pocket, he passed two sticks over to Wanda. She wordlessly lit one, winced because the naked got slammed into the bus, and then passed it over to Wally. That was uncharacteristically generous and quiet of her, Wally thought, She must have been in shock.

An idea came to Wally when he took a puff, “Hey, you know that booze from the jar I drank earlier? Can I get some more?” he asked

“No.”

“Bugger.”

Wanda gasped as the naked man was kicked across the street by a robot. His back was turned bloody by road rash. The robot spun around only to find itself face to face with the wolf person. It was picked up and thrown through a nearby window.

“Oooo that was the pub,” commented Wanda.

“Reckon I can get a drink there?”

“No.”

“Bugger.”

A rocket flew up and hit the flying saucer, making it wobble more. The police started using tear gas. Wally watched as the white tear gas slowly faded his view of the naked guy beating up one of the people dressed in white. A gasp from Wanda drew his attention away to the left.

The wolf-person was limping towards Wanda’s shop. It was enormous enough that it made even the naked bloke look small in comparison. Bruises, burns and laser cuts covered its body from head to tail. It stopped a few metres away and crouched down towards Wally and Wanda, looking ready to pounce.

Wally didn’t budge, he wasn’t done with his smoke yet. Shuffling about with his hand down his pants, he pulled the coathanger out from where he tucked it earlier. He held it in front of himself and gave her his best warning, "Not another step you pubic hair covered mutt. You leave me ‘n Wanda out of it,”

The words seemed to work. The wolf person looked more confused than ready to attack now, so Wally kept going, “I’m having the worst bloody day. I'm just out here to enjoy a smoke and watch the show. Get back to your fight, ugly. You keep coming this way and I'm gonna tear your guts out and play around with your intestines like a kitten with a string. I'll punch my hand so far up your butt that I'll be able to control your mouth like a sock puppet. You hear me? Get back!”

The wolf-person was taken aback, it opened and closed its mouth a few times before finally, fury boiled over and it shouted back, "How dare you speak to your mother like that?!?!?!"

The survival instincts of anyone within hearing range flared into life. This creature was the apex predator of apex predators; none stood as an equal. Its voice alone inspired fear within lesser creatures. Gasps and shrieks of pure terror spread out into the crowd like a wave. Wanda screamed and wisely chose to flee.

Wally, however, didn’t budge. He stared it in the eye, ramped his power up to max, and gave it a piece of his mind, "You. are. not. my. mother."

He could see the wolf-person’s heart break through the changing expression on its face. It fell to the ground, raised its head to the sky and howled in sorrow. The earlier aggression was fully taken out of it.

Wally turned to where Wanda was supposed to be and whispered, “Thank the goddess I went before this all started, or I'd have wet me daks just now,” He blinked twice, realising that he was standing alone, speaking to air. Shrugging, he looked back at the howling wolf monster. It seemed safe enough now, so he stayed to finish his smoke.

"Oh bugger me sideways, what now?" He moaned not even two puffs later as he was interrupted again. The giant naked guy was making his way over now. He was bloody and bruised all over, but somehow managed to still be wearing the soul-sunglasses. He held a fancy sci-fi pistol pointed at the wolf-lady. Giving her a wide circle, he made his way over to Wally.

"Coming to give me grief too have ya mate? I’ll do to you what I did to her if you are." Wally threatened, pointing at the howling mess of a woman with his coat hanger.

"No, I'm friendly. May I approach?" The man replied.

"No."

The man came over anyway and smiled, making Wally’s heart flutter a little. Damn the dude was handsome. He stopped just outside of coat-hanger range and said, "I didn’t recognise you earlier, but now I do, you must be Tomas! Boy am I glad you’re safe!" Laughing and gesturing to the weeping wolf person, he continued, "I don’t know how you did it, but well done defeating The Matriarch. I know how horrible she has been to you. If anyone deserves the honour of putting her down, it's you. Here, use this." He passed the sci-fi pistol over

Not knowing what else to do, Wally tucked his coat hanger back into his pants and accepted the pistol.

The big guy suddenly winced in pain and held his chest, "Normally, I’d stay and watch, but if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see about a girl." The handsome pile of muscles beamed and with a casual two-finger salute, strode off onto Wanda's shop.

Wally watched him go, shook his head, and murmured to himself, “What’s that even mean?” It was still shocking how damn charming the bloke had been.

He finished his cigarette and pulled a fresh one from his pocket. It was a bit awkward juggling it and the sci-fi pistol at the same time, but he managed to get the smoke in his mouth incident free. It was then that he realised that Wanda had left with the lighter. As he went to grab the cigarette out of his mouth, he accidentally pulled the trigger of the pistol. It shot out a laser that lit his cigarette for him.

"Oh that's nifty," he said. He pointed the pistol up and fired off several shots into the flying saucer. He laughed at the novelty of his new lighter turning it about in his hand, inspecting it. His dark-skinned hand holding the pistol still felt so alien to him. This strange feeling made realisation click in his mind, "Ah! That bloke thinks I’m Tomas…," He looked at Wanda's broken door and shrugged, "Oh well,"

Ignoring the messy crying of the wolf-lady, He leaned back to watch the rest of the fight. Police had now cleared out most of the street with tear gas, with only pockets of combatants still going at it here and there.

Muscle bloke ran back out of the shop a minute later and came to an abrupt halt upon spotting Wally, “Hey!” he shouted, “What are you doing?! Put that cigarette out!”

Wally raised an eyebrow at the bloke. There was something different about the way he held himself now: it was less heroic, less charming, “Hey mate, back already? What’s that about my smoke?”

“You’re…” the guy suddenly slammed his mouth shut in wide-eyed terror upon spotting the weeping wolf-lady a few metres away.

“Actually, now that you're here. There's something you should know, I ain’t Tomas. You just called me by his name before, so I figured I’d clear all that up.” Wally said, shifting his gaze between the man and the Wolf. What’s going on between them?

The man shushed Wally and whispered as loud as he dared, “I know you aren’t Tomas. Wanda messed up! I am Tomas! ”

📖📖📖📖📖

Hi guys, Narrator fish here. Wow, he’s Tomas now? What an exciting development! I have no idea what’s going on hahaha! But tell you what, I think I know how we can clear up all this confusion. Let's take a little break from Wally, meet some side characters, and then maybe dip our fins into this Tomas fella’s story. Maybe then, it'll all make sense. So yeah, see y’all next week for that!