It had been Autumn when Fand first arrived at the Holz farm. Then, she had been so happy just to be home. At the time Zel was tiny and required her full attention. Now it was Spring and Zel was older. She held out her chubby arms to others. Zolla took the baby from Fand and said, "I will put her to bed. Why don't you go sit by the fire?" Fand did not want to sit by the kitchen fire. In the last few weeks a restlessness had taken hold of her. It sent her scurrying away inside herself. She so wanted to run, run like she used to across the fields beneath the stars.

As soon as Zolla went upstairs, Fand slipped out the back door with Sassafras. The dark silhouettes of the Guards' tents marred the view. Along the horizon she saw the first faint glimmers of the moon's light. Her skin crawled. The moon was no longer her friend. Every time she saw its full face memories surfaced, memories she could not shut off once they began. The goat leapt from the porch and landed in the yard. She glanced back at Fand. Unwilling to go back inside, Fand followed the goat. A crisp wind blew from the east. It swirled around Fand causing the desire to run to throb through her entire being. She wanted to get away, just for a while, away from the Guards, the house, the people. She wanted to feel again the singularity of being her self alone. From the shadow of the barn but Rufus asked, “Miss, where do you think you're going?”

“Just following Sassafras.” The goat bleated.

Rufus said, "She can go where she likes, but you know you don't go anywhere without me."

Did she ever know that! Blast it all why did he have to be so good at his stinking job? She headed toward the front porch. Angrily she plopped down on the top step. Sassafras joined her. Rufus remained where he was. A dim, but ever present form. He was always with her now. Several times she had asked him why he had to stay so close to her. All he ever said was, “Orders is orders. I don’t ask questions and neither should you.”

Irritated by his presence Fand asked, “Rufus, tell me why you don’t ask questions.”

Uneasily, Rufus shifted his feet. Though she could not see his face she knew he was frowning. He spat words at her, “Keeper Miss, not that again! You wear me to a nub. Good thing they trained me so hard. Never did I have such need to know how to keep my wits about me as I do with you. Just let it be.”

“I will ask Petran.”

“Be my guest. If you can’t move me with my dim wits, what makes you think you will move him?”

Insulted Fand didn’t respond. Her threat to question Petran was an idle one and Rufus knew it. She avoided Petran as much as possible. Every time she got near him she felt uneasy. As far as she knew he never trespassed in her mind, but she couldn’t help but be wary. She had thoughts she didn’t want to share with anyone. The constant confines of her life only left her with mental freedom and she didn’t want anyone to violate that, especially not Petran. The front door opened and Petran stepped into the night. Fand felt her heart contract.

Petran called out to Rufus, “Fand and I will go for a little walk alone.”

Rufus replied, “Sorry Sir, orders is orders. I got to stay with her.”

“Very well then. Fand will you join me in my room?”

Though she did not want to, she got up. The fear she always felt when in Petran’s presence grew. Rufus followed them into the house. Sassafras did not. Rehn, Uncle Wert, the girls and Wendon were all in the kitchen when they passed through. Fand felt all their eyes follow them as she went into Petran’s room. He closed the door behind them and locked it. Rufus called through the door, “No funny business, or I break the door down.”

Was Rufus seriously worried Petran might whisk her away? In truth, Fand was worried about the same thing.

A smile twitched on Petran’s lips. “He certainly is dedicated. I don’t have the strength to whisk you any where.”

Had he heard her thoughts? Was he reading her mind? He better not be.

Petran said, “It is good that he is so dedicated.”

Fand frowned and said, “He’s too dedicated if you ask me.”

The smile left Petran. “No, he can not be careful enough. I just received word from Appocca. He fears the leaders of The Militia may want to kidnap Zel for bait.”

Alarmed Fand asked, “Bait for what?”

“Loren.”

Fear raced inside of Fand. She exclaimed, “Why?!”

Petran’s voice dropped low, so low Fand could barely hear him. He said, “The Militia have set their sights on Sonpur genocide. They believe Loren has the power and the will to save what creatures remain. If it were just Loren alone, it would be one thing, but word it that Resen and his kind have joined forces with Loren. Loren and

Resen have high bounties on their heads.”

This was terrible news! It was also confusing. After years of working against the Sonpur, why were Pathfinders suddenly joining forces to save them?

Appocca shook his head. “I am worried. Grief can make men reckless. Not only is Renate dead, it is rumored that Resen’s mother-in-law and son are as well.”

The image of Tug and Elise flashed in Fand’s mind. This must not be true!

“If the rumors are true, the only person left in Loren’s family is Zel. They all know she exists. Kidnapping her could call Loren out.” Appocca met Fand’s eyes and continued. "Loren has not contacted me and I haven’t been able to get a read on him. I think this is purposeful. He knows any contact with me could endanger you and his sister. You must be wary Fand. These are dangerous times.”

Anger surged through Fand. She shouted, “When will these not be dangerous times?”

Sadly Petran shook his head. “That is a question I can’t answer.”

Another question had haunted Fand since she had been captured by Folgen. It was a question she tried to avoid. Regardless the question rose from her lips and she asked, “If Angs were still alive would any of this be happening?”

“No. His death shifted the balance of power.”

These words shot through Fand like a well aimed dagger. Had she expected him to say something different? Not really, but she had hoped.

Petran laid a hand on her shoulder. “You must not forget Ang’s death ended an ugly history. The Age of the Nephilim is over. A channel of evil has been cut off. But as evil always does, new expressions will be found and directed. Many daughters disappeared over the years, many died trying to save them. Who stole the girls, who killed their rescuers? Though Angs or Folgen gave the orders, it was the Sonpur, their henchmen, who carried out those orders. The people of the West want to be vindicated. It is only natural. According to my informant the Militia has not found the Sonpur’s hiding place...yet.”

In memory Fand was inside the mountain. She saw again the sea of furry faces as she had stood before them with Folgen at her side. Compassion for them had been born in her then. She thought of Gruin and Fels. She thought of Trug’s last kindness to her. There was goodness in Sonpur but there was also a blind and dangerous loyalty. They were looking for a leader, had they found that leader in Loren? Could he reform them?

Though she had not spoken the question aloud, Petran said, “I believe if Loren is left to his own discretion the Sonpur could be reformed, but only if they are willing. They are intelligent creatures. I think there is hope.”

Keeping her voice low she hissed, "Hope at the risk of Zel! Nothing must happen to Zel because of the Sonpur! How can Loren risk his sister’s life like this? What claim do they have on him?"

"There have been rumors that Renate had some association with them."

Instantly, Fand remembered the book Renate had written and illustrated about Sonpur illnesses. She had contact with the Sonpur. Had Loren? Had he lived in that strange cabin in the middle of the Field of Ice with his mother when he was small? It was possible.

Petran removed his hand from her shoulder and sat down on his bed. He looked so weary.

“I will be going Sir.”

“Not yet. I want to talk to you about something, that I know you don’t want to talk about. Have you given any thought to the development of your power? It could save you and your child if it is directed.”

In a flat even voice she said, “No. I have never pursued power, it has only come to me when I have needed it and I trust that it will come to me if I need it again. I have no desire to dabble in anything beyond that. Power is a dangerous temptation and one I do not intend to struggle with. Your power gave me wings, it caused much trouble in your life. Power destroyed my cousin, cost Renate any chance at happiness and has exiled Loren and may get him killed. No thank you. I do not want to develop my power.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Petran said, “I won’t press you. I also won’t mention it again. If you ever change your mind however, you will let me know.”

“I won’t change my mind.” Through Petran's window Fand saw the moon rise. All at once she was in the past on that long ago night when she had denied Pyre her life and her love. She asked Petran, "Is Pyre safe? Rube implied he was not.”

“For now, yes.”

"What does that mean?"

"Now he is safe. He is not in any danger."

She did not believe him. She asked, “None?"

"As far as I know. Don't let your thoughts chase shadows and fears. Stay here, stay now. It is all we have."

"I will try." She doubted she would succeed. She turned away from the window, unlocked the door, brushed passed Rufus and went upstairs to hold her child.