《Phantom Limb: and the Chorus of the Dead》63. Raining, Cats, and Dogs (Part 14)
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Upon emerging from the metal floor, Rocky saw a man without arms or legs on the ground crying without tears. It barked, sniffing at the air while slowly approaching. Who the hell is this guy? He looks fucked up, Rocky thought. Then, it turned back and saw the doctor, a hole the size of a tennis ball going clean through his head. Then, it saw the cats on the ground. Did these guys do this? The cats had all fallen asleep on a small cot inside a large carved-out space in the wall of the sewer.
“AHHH!” Piotr screamed as he looked up slightly from being stuck on his back and saw a twenty-foot-long saltwater crocodile sniffing at his stumps. “Please don’t eat me! I’m friendly! I would do a calming motion with my hands, but I’m afraid I have no . . . no hands.” Piotr skulked, his long white beard dripping into the water.
This guy doesn’t seem all that dangerous, Dog Rocky thought, turning its attention to the doctor’s succulent-looking body.
Piotr screamed in horror as the beast in front of him chowed down.
Let’s eat him too! Croc Rocky responded in thought.
Piotr attempted to spin his way onto his front so he could potentially crawl away.
But he’s so weak. Rocky looked up at the cats. And we need to do something about them, too.
You do realize that those notions completely contradict each other, right? Why do you care so much about helping people? We’re animals. That isn’t our job.
But you said it yourself, Dog Rocky responded as they detached and transformed Nero’s arms and legs into rocks, before walking over and placing them on the terrified old man’s wounds, transforming them and connecting them. We’re not a dog.
Piotr sat up, shocked and confused at what had just happened as he slowly began to articulate his newfound arms and legs. “Oh, Thank you, um, doggy?” Piotr asked tentatively, slowly reaching out a hand towards Rocky and petting its slimy snout. “You seem hurt, doggy,” Piotr said in concern as he stood up. He could see something growing in its head; a bulge that was about the size of a golf ball was slightly protruding out of a wound. “Move the Headstones,” Piotr said nervously as he placed his fingers on the tumour.
Rocky initially began to growl in protest but stopped upon feeling the tumour fly out of its head and the skin of the wound stretch to cover it. Rocky licked Piotr’s hand in thanks. “Oh, you’re a good doggy! Yes, you’re a good doggy!” Piotr remarked, scratching Rocky’s chin as he took note of the creature’s more canine features.
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Rocky’s reptilian eyes shifted away from Piotr as they started to bark at the alcove inside the wall. They could see the Civ user, Blair’s Cats, hissing and growling as they emerged from various hiding places, below beds and atop pillows. Rocky motioned for Piotr to get back as they growled with a reptilian gurgle. “Oh, you’re cute kitties, too . . . wait are these Blair’s Cats?” Piotr cooed, realizing suddenly that the collars that jingled around their necks matched the collars around Blair’s cats. “What are you doing down here?” Piotr asked, oblivious to the cats’ hostility. “Come here. It’s me! Uncle Piotr!” Piotr chuckled as he reached down to pet the black cat in front of him. As his hand reached down, however, he could feel it start to decompose. Piotr watched in disgust as one of his fingernails withered and fell off of the nail bed, tumbling to the ground as he bled. “Oh . . . oh no.” Piotr pulled his hand back in discomfort.
Are Blair’s Cats the Civ users? I thought it was the guy on the ground, but if it’s these cats . . . Piotr brought his hand towards them again, slowly attempting to pick one of them up. Before Rocky could pull him back. However, a swarm of cockroaches crawled out of his mouth as he tripped onto the floor. Piotr spat out the roaches, recoiling in disgust, getting back on his feet and almost vomiting into the water as he looked back in horror at Blair’s Cats. “This is bad. With an ability like this, letting them roam the city would be disastrous!” Piotr shouted as he looked down at Rocky, who while unable to understand the words Piotr was saying, agreed with the sentiment and seemed to almost nod. “Come to Piotr, kitties!” hollered Piotr, motioning for them to come over as he squatted down. Meanwhile, he fished in his pockets for something to feed them, but couldn’t find anything. “I’m Blair’s friend! Do you remember me?” Piotr tried to disguise his old, thick accent with a cute baby voice, but ultimately it just sounded kind of scary. The cats stopped hissing at the mention of Blair, however.
“Do you miss her? I wonder where she went . . . I’ll help you find her!” Piotr gestured to himself again, and the cats grew more excited, getting closer and closer to each other. And Piotr. “Oh, good kitties . . .”
All of a sudden, the cats congealed into that same mass of bodies and patchwork fur as Piotr’s eyes widened again in discomfort. Rocky barked and whined as the cats hissed back, preparing to make a break for it as the hostility between them and Rocky rose. “Good kitties?” Piotr asserted nervously as he heard the mass hiss and a tremendous gash appeared on his chest, sending him flying back into the water. The creature that was Blair’s Cats ran off down the waterway before jumping upwards into the large hole in the ceiling created by the flooding and vanishing into the rainy streets. Piotr spat out the water in his mouth for the second time that night as he climbed back onto the alcove. “This is very bad.” Piotr turned towards Rocky, who seemed to agree. “I cannot let them start attacking people! It could be disastrous for any innocent bystanders.” Piotr turned back and found Rocky walking away.
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“Doggy! Please help me?” Piotr asked nicely, and Rocky turned back at his words. Its face was twisted in thought. Then, it let out a puff of air through its nose while walking to the space under the hole and turned the ground into a large pile of rocks that led upwards . . . back to the street.
* * *
Blair’s Cats had managed to escape the rain as they walked in through the front door of Neonight North Hospital. Shaking themselves off as they stepped inside, they managed to catch the attention of the hospital staff, who quickly turned towards the posse of pawed pets in confusion. “Oh, hello! What are you cats doing out in the rain?” one of them asked as she walked forward, attempting to pick them up. But instead, she twisted an ankle, falling forward with a shout and smashing her head on the corner of the table as the rest of the staff and patients looked over in shock. The cats stepped on the nurse’s nearly unconscious body. A doctor saw the commotion and began to run over, preparing to examine the still nurse. But as he crossed through a hallway, a blue stretcher flew down the white hallway, crashing into the doctor and sending him spilling to the floor, the stretcher falling to its side as well. As the doctor slowly stood up, he shrieked in pain and disgust upon seeing that the leg that had been hit somehow had a bone jutting out of the flesh.
The hospital staff attempted to stay calm as they divided themselves between treating the doctor and the person on the stretcher and the nurse who was now unconscious and bleeding rapidly from her temple. But as more and more nurses and doctors approached the cats, more chaos ensued. One nurse had stepped on a hypodermic needle that had been left on the ground, filling his body with an unknown substance and sending him into convulsions. Another suffered a violent seizure. Yet another had some kind of mental breakdown and shot one of the cats, but rather than doling out any significant damage to it, a bullet hole appeared in the side of the man’s head and he collapsed. Quickly, the cats abandoned this area and began to retreat deeper and deeper into the hospital.
* * *
“Where on Mars did they go?” Piotr thought out loud, turning to his reptilian partner for an answer. Neither of them knew where the cats had gone as they walked around aimlessly in the rain. “They could be anywhere!” Piotr threw up his arms in frustration. Then, he heard the sounds of screaming and panicked shouts coming from the building right next to him. Piotr looked inside the large windows and saw dozens of hospital staff either unconscious or gravely injured in the front foyer. A small fire had broken out. “That . . . that could be anything.” Piotr looked down at Rocky, who looked back with a confused expression. Piotr sighed as he nervously stared back at the hospital, now realizing the extent of Cat People’s luck-altering properties.
Piotr and Rocky nervously stepped inside the hospital, carefully watching every step they took. “Um, excuse me?” Piotr asked a nurse who was leaning over an unconscious figure as the fire continued to roar at the front desk. “Have you seen a handful of cats walk through here?” The nurse slowly turned his head to face Piotr, revealing the two hypodermic needles lodged in his eyes.
“Those things are yours?” the nurse seethed, trying to get a look at Piotr.
“No. I’m actually a very responsible pet owner,” Piotr explained, gesturing to Rocky. The nurse screamed in terror at the sight of a bleeding saltwater crocodile loose in their hospital. “Hmm. Maybe that was a bad example.” Piotr looked around at the commotion that had broken out. How are we going to figure out where Blair’s Cats are? Piotr mused. “Now, Rocky . . . I have an idea.” Piotr turned to the saltwater crocodile at his side. “We just walk in a random direction and see if something horrible happens to us! Then, we keep walking that way!” Piotr seemed extremely proud of his very good and not-at-all-horrifying plan.
Yet, Rocky seemed anxious, whining and placing its tail between its legs and shaking all over.
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