Total Settlement Destruction: 8.5%

Remaining oomukade [51 / 70]

Percent vanquished: 27.14%

With Frida’s help, the fight was over almost instantly. She was Level Sixteen, and I couldn’t hold a candle to that—yet. So, after choppy death was instilled, she, the egg boys and I made a hasty path toward the healing house, which was the whole reason Frida had grabbed me in the first place. It was being overrun, she’d told me, what with a bunch of juicy injured folk inside to snack upon. The oomukade (I’d finally remembered) seemed to think it would be an easy meal and unfortunately, our companion and party leader Jes, was still not one hundred percent hunky-dory and trapped inside the building. Despite her cavalier exterior and suspiciously sexy blood lust, Frida was a caring individual, and was concerned about the elf. She’d known him for hundreds of years—mostly on account of being trapped in the dungeon in a time dilation for that long—but had definitely been traveling with him for a perceivable while beforehand. They were friends and siblings-in-arms. She didn’t say it out loud, but I knew she was really worried about his recovery, and him getting eaten by a bevy of big ole bugs wouldn’t help matters.

We rounded the corner, spilling out into the street where pure, unfettered anarchy was taking place. It was an odd juxtaposition to the cozy environment Tallrock usually offered, with its warm, amber lanterns arrayed along the paths. Instead, a ton of townsfolk were running and screaming, with gigantic centipede monsters trawling along horrifyingly in their wake. Some of the people were fighting back, but it didn’t seem like there were many in the vicinity with the necessary capabilities to fend them off for long.

As we dashed forward, I threw my haladie at one of the oomukade chasing a family of tiny gnome-like individuals, buzzsawing through the top of a leg and forcing it to wheel in my direction. When it got close enough, Frida chopped it down with a few swings and left it to die in the street. The roe, ever my constant companions, were taking the rear and engaging any monsters that got too close to our backs. We ran in single file, with me in the lead, hurling my weapon with a gleeful ferocity usually reserved for deranged psychopaths. We were a death parade of punishment and pain, killing any monsters that had the misfortune of crossing us—or leaving them crippled enough for others to finish them off. At Level Ten, I wasn’t much of a powerhouse at the moment, but I more than made up for it with my sassy demeanor and lawnmower-bladed taunting, luring the beasts close enough that the others could do the bulk of the dirty work.

I liked to imagine that this scene would have been excellent over the soundtrack of Gaerea’s Mirage album. In fact, right at that moment I was envisioning the frenetic guitars and explosive double-bass of “Salve” blasting through the town as I clipped another oomukade with my haladie before the weapon arced and returned to my beefy fist.

There was an explosion of light in the sky and I actually slid to a stop for a moment, causing Frida to collide into my back.

“Ach, Loon!” She shouted, annoyed. “Now’s nae the time for a breather. We’ve gotta beat to the healer’s.”

“Who the hell is that?!” I exclaimed, gesturing at the sky. A human-shaped fire was soaring above the rooftops, sending targeted blasts of flame down to connect with the monster’s bodies, incinerating most on contact.

“Dunno,” Frida said, her tone filled with wonder. “She’s strong, though.”

“You can tell that’s a girl?” I asked, baffled.

“Nae a girl,” Frida corrected. “A woman. And o’ course: she’s nae loudly braggin’ ‘bout her kills, or tryin’ tae make a show of et.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, starting to run again. “They’re literally a flaming torch flying through the sky shooting fireballs! That is the literal definition of a show. Plus, you're always boasting about your kills!”

“Ah donnae boast!” Frida returned. “Ah just want te make sure ye payin’ attention.”

I swallowed my response and darted down another alleyway that was probably a shortcut to the mending house.

Whoever that person was, they’re seriously strong. The power of flight and napalm death? That’s somebody I’ve gotta meet. …from a distance.

I pushed the humanoid military drone from my thoughts and focused on navigating through the next round of streets. We killed a few more centipede nightmares, rescuing a few more townsfolk as a result, and finally reached the avenue leading to the healer’s. I knew that Stinky was likely there, as Frida had briefly mentioned he’d offered to hold off the attack while she went to find me—which was not exactly in-character for him. It didn’t matter, though. If there were a healthy horde of these things exacting fucky nonsense on the sick and wounded, I’d have a few words for them. Mainly, ‘fuck off’ and ‘die.’

Before I could even catch a glimpse of the mending house, I could see exactly where it was. There were at least ten of the assholes swarming the streets, combatting something I couldn’t see. I kicked it into high-gear and when I was within about a hundred yards—I think—I launched my haladie as a preemptive strike and turned back to Frida. The Guardian was barreling along behind me, her eyes locked on the scene ahead. I nodded at the buildings.

“You go ahead, I’m going to try something!” I shouted, then looked to the roe. “Slappy. Clucky. Jumpy. Mortimer: follow Frida and keep her safe!”

Frida nodded and then hit a burst of speed I didn’t know she was capable of, zipping right by me and rushing toward the fray outside the healer’s place of business. The roe bounced after her, not as quick, but seemingly determined to make good on my orders. I, however, was going to take the scenic route.

I dashed off to the right, aiming myself at a pleasant little building with an expanse of ivy climbing up the outside of the wall and without slowing down, leaped into the air and snatched the first leafy vine I could. It broke almost immediately, but I was already climbing, wrenching myself upward toward the roof, digging my bare toes into any crevice I could find. It took a little longer than I was anticipating, but eventually I made it up to the overhanging slate acting as shingles and pulled myself up. I rolled once as I cleared the edge and was up and running again. The haladie returned to me, and I urgently stuffed it into the waistband of my kilt—lamenting again that I hadn’t yet found a Batman-esque utility belt. I reached the end of the roof and jumped, grasping a handful of beautiful stone as I made it to the next building and hauled my ass up again, continuing my sprint.

After a few more of those beautiful moves, I was right where I needed to be: directly above the undulating horrors wreaking havoc on the outside of the mending house. From this vantage point, I could see that at least a few of the bastards had managed to gain entry through a hole in the wall they’d definitely made.

Ignoring that for the moment, I peered over to see what all the hubbub was about.

Below, I could see Frida, striking out wildly with the ax, tangling with three of the beasts at once. She dove out of the way as one swiped at her, and landed hard on the ground on her back. Another tried to pin her down with its legs, but she moved too quickly, and slammed the axhead right into its ghostly face. She used the momentum of it trying to retreat from her wound and allowed it to pick her up off the ground. Then she wrenched the ax loose by way of a well-placed leveraging boot, and blocked a bite attack with the handle of her weapon. She shoved back, and the oomukade recoiled, tearing the ax from her grasp. That was when Slappy hit the creature in the face with his body, causing it to send the ax clattering to the cobblestones. Frida spun, ducked down, snatched the ax up from the ground, and was back in the fight in an instant.

Curiously, I couldn’t see Stinky—which fucking figured—but, I could see another individual battling it out with some of the centipedes. A small, blue-skinned creature in a flowing robe of electric green was spinning around, dodging attack after attack from the oomukade. At first I’d thought it was a child, based on its size, until I noticed a fluffy, orange goatee adorning his face. I couldn’t make out any other physical features, but I didn’t really need to to appreciate his dazzling display of skills. He whirled and twirled, deftly avoiding any of the humongous bug monsters’ strikes as the creatures screeched in anger. Then, he performed a beautiful—really the only word to describe it—flip and landed on one of their heads. His tiny blue fingers formed several Naruto-looking hand seals and a brilliant, glowing arcane symbol appeared in the air. The symbol flashed and the little blue man swiped his palm down onto the oomukade’s dome piece. Its whole body lit up like a hillbilly bottlerocket and exploded with a level of force I’d reserve only for the mightiest of Chipotle toilets.

Chunks flew everywhere, including the roof I was currently standing on and I brought up the Guardian buckler to keep the goo away from my face. It didn’t save the rest of me, though. I was absolutely covered in gore and centipede ichor as the disgusting deluge of the oomukade’s insides splattered my outsides.

“Ugh!” I said and tried to shake myself like a dog to remove the muck, but it wasn’t very successful. I moved back to try to find the little blue terrorist, but all I could see was chaos.

Time to do this.

I chose my target: a cluster of oomukade not far from the ledge that were converging on Clucky and Mortimer. The roe had been backed into a corner, and were keeping the monsters from advancing on them by sheer force of their bounce.

Perfect.

I placed the shield back in my pack and then reached down and grabbed a slate shingle from the edge of the roof in each hand. Then I opened my menu to double check that I hadn’t misunderstood anything about my newest Skill.

Pernicious Volley

Trading accuracy for sheer, raw power, you can increase the damage you output with all manner of projectiles. For [8] seconds, Pernicious Volley allows you to target multiple foes and unleash untold aerial hell upon them with the chance to cultivate exponential damage with each successful strike. The outcome for efficiency is Strength quotient + Throwing Weapons Skill. If the user uses a non-traditional weapon, then the Throwing Weapons Skill will be substituted with the Improvised Weapons Skill. This is the perfect Ability for those who value a less-measured approach, or just want to see what happens when you decide to sew a little chaos.

Yup. Just what I thought.

I’d hit Level Ten after my fight in the dungeon, but had waited until we were on the road to actually look at what I’d earned. After an increase to certain Skills and Abilities, I’d been gifted this wonderful little bliss feature. It was perfect for me. To use video game terms, it gave me more area damage at the cost of accurately hitting a single target. I was absolutely fine with that. Being precise wasn’t really my jam. I liked the idea of hurling whatever I wanted into a massive cluster of enemies and just seeing what happened. There’d be a little bit of loss in effect from using my Improvised Weapons Skill over Throwing Weapons, but only a touch. They were both E-Rank, but separated by a single Level within.

Clucky. Mortimer. I commanded with my mind. Get back as far as you can. Daddy’s home.

I activated Pernicious Volley and felt as though my limbs were suddenly filled with pistons. As I saw the two roe strike and use the force of their hit to bounce away, I chucked the first heavy chunk of slate down. It flew from my palm like I’d fired it from a potato gun. The shingle rocket hit the group of oomukade like a meteor, and I heard it explode against the cobblestones, immediately filling the area with smoke and debris. I didn’t wait for a reaction, I frisbee-tossed the next one and it followed like a lightning strike. It was only as I was reaching for my next two spice missiles that I heard the agonized screeching of the centipede cluster.

A notification popped up and just as quickly minimized as I supposed the system seemed to think I was in combat.

I mean, they are. I chuckled.

I’d been able to see the words “Sneak Attack” in the message, so I wasn’t too worried about the rest of its content. It was just helpfully informing me of how badass I was being.

Two more shingles followed the initial pair, and I was able to crack off a fifth and final one before the Ability faded. When the dust began to clear, all that remained of the formerly monstrous creatures was a big pile of goo and body parts. Dark blood streaked the street where they’d been and I laughed. Not a single one remained.

“Holy SHIT!” I exclaimed.

Why the hell had I just been sitting on this Ability?! Imagine what I could do if I combined that move with my haladie! I could probably pull off two of those attacks if it returned to me fast enough.

To be fair to myself—which I usually was—it was a fresh, new feature and I had completely forgotten about it while I’d been combatting the dangers in the town.

However, I didn’t have any more time to gloat—my self-aggrandized shouting had drawn the attention of two more oomukade, and—undeterred by my recent explodening of their companions—they began to advance toward me. They reached the building and began scuttling up the wall, their kabuki faces turned up toward me and screeching. Inside the hole inside the healer’s, I could now see there were at least two oomukade within, striking out at what appeared to be an old man and a little girl, who were trying desperately to beat them back with a piece of the wall.

Dammit, where the hell is Stinky?!

As much as I loved to be the hero, I was all the way up here, and they were all the way over there. It wasn’t convenient, but it didn’t look like any of the outside defense units had noticed.

Guess it’s up to me.

I looked down and saw that the pursuing centipedes had almost reached the rooftop.

“Aww, shit,” I muttered. I would be trapped up here with them if I didn’t find an expedient exit path. Unfortunately, I’d used my once-a-day power Calden’s Hang Time already, so my options were limited. Fortunately, they were great options.

Alright boys, I projected to the roe. I need some ground support. Comin’ in hot!

I didn’t wait for them to mobilize, I just swan dived off the roof, making sure to steer clear of the monsters scurrying up the drain pipes toward me. I’d have to trust they’d either reach me in time, or that I’d be able to survive striking the ground at a speed that would obliterate a golf ball.

I saw a flash of pink as Clucky and Mortimer—the two closest to my location—organized themselves beneath me and I curled up into a ball just in time for them to take the brunt of my collision, springing me back up about fifteen feet. I landed again and took off at a sprint toward the hole in the side of the mending house.

To me! I shouted in my mind to Clucky and Mortimer, and heard the telltale ping as they followed along.

My bare feet pounded against the pavement as I raced along. An oomukade appeared to my left, its barbed legs poised to strike. Before I could even shift to avoid it, Mortimer smacked hard into the monster’s face, distracting it enough for me to continue. So I did. I kept pumping my legs, my focus locked on the hole in the wall and the two desperate individuals inside nearing big bug dinnertime.

I’ve gotta get to them. No other option.

Another monster flung itself at me to my right and I dived into a roll, avoiding its spooky horror face. Yet a third dropped down in front of me only to get a surprise bounce attack from Clucky and then a blast of magical beatdown from the blue man, who’d suddenly appeared again. He slapped a palm on the creature’s flank causing it to convulse with something akin to electrical energy. I leaped over the portion of the creature’s segmented back that was horizontal and kept moving.

Duck. Dive. Pivot.

I slid beneath one oomukade’s arced belly that was being chopped rather mercilessly by Frida and pushed myself up, crossing the final few feet to the hole in the wall and hurling myself in. The monsters were occupied with their potential snack and had their backs to me at the moment.

This is gonna be so fucking cool. I’m going to look like such a stud when I save these two!

I yanked the haladie out of my waistband and stabbed right into the back of the oomukade nearest me. It reared with a screech of pain as I pulled the blade out and ran at the wall.

It’ll work this time! It’s gotta work this time!

I leaped into the air and kicked off from the wall, swinging my weapon in a sideways arc.

“ALLEY-OOP!” I roared as I jammed the blade into the oomukade’s horrible face.

It went limp instantly—dead as fuck—and fell against its companion who’d still been obliviously trying to reach the old man and little girl. The bug screamed as the corpse of its buddy pinned down the coiled portion of its own body and immediately tried to attack it, not realizing it done been attacked. I took that opportunity to launch my haladie like a spear right into its vicious face. The blade sunk all the way to the handle and that was all she wrote. The beast was done. It slumped lifelessly atop the other monster like two intertwined lovers.

I retrieved the haladie and flicked the dark muck off of the blade. However, I hadn’t looked where I was aiming and watched as the viscous liquid splattered all over the two exhausted humans staring wide-eyed at me. They both blinked.

“Uh,” I said. “First of all, my bad. Second: you guys need to find a safe spot away from this mess. I’m not an expert on…giant insects with people faces, but it seems like you should probably be out of the line of sight with anything that is planning on eating you. I’m Loon, by the way.”

They both continued gawking at me wordlessly.

“Yeah, like I said, sorry about that. But, the doom is still very much impending, so y’all need to skedaddle. Now. Like, now now.”

Neither of them had moved, still partially cowering behind their laughably fragile barrier of broken wall. I was about to launch into a whole thing about how I’d just risked every part of my luscious body to rescue them, when the old man finally spoke. His tone was ragged, like he’d just pulled a full sixteen-hour shift at the laryngitis factory.

“Orc…” he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine. I noticed he’d put a hand up to provide extra protection for the girl, whose eyes were just as engorged with fear.

“That’s right, bay-bee,” I said, hoping to alleviate some of the tension with a bit of nonchalant declarations. “I’m an orc! But, believe it or not, you don’t need to be afraid of me—I’m on your side. Pro Tallrock—et cetera. So, if you could set aside your racism for a couple seconds and toddle off to somewhere more secure than an open crack in the wall next to monsters, that would just be real, real neat. Savvy?”

They both blinked at me. I sighed.

“Move it!” I roared, jabbing a finger at a hallway to the left. The two of them instantly obeyed, hurriedly shuffling toward the direction I’d indicated. I had been planning to ask them where the rest of the sick and infirm were, but based on our singular interaction, the two seemed like they weren’t the best representatives for their peeps. I noticed the little girl kept looking back at me, and her impression was slightly less severe than the elderly bloke shoving her forward out of fear. I gave my best approximation of an innocuous smile, but she didn’t react.

Eh, I’ll take what kindness I can get. At least neither of them are screaming.

Once we were finally in the hallway, I pointed to a door.

“Can you hide in there? It’s probably gonna be a bumpy night for a bit yet, and I don’t want to have to rush back in here and save you until it’s unavoidable.”

The old man nodded, backing away slowly and keeping his eyes locked on me as he reached out to blindly grasp the doorknob. I sighed again.

“Have you seen a matau? Bald head, scarred yellow skin, three mouths? Shitty attitude?”

The old man seemed more intent on entering the next room rather than assist me in literally anything. However, the little girl looked up at me and nodded. She couldn’t have been more than four or five and when she spoke it sounded like a tiny little chirp.

“Yes,” she said, looking up at the old man and then back to me. “They went to the water tower.”

“They?” I asked.

“The m…yellow man and his elf friend.”

“He took Jes with him?!” I exclaimed, startling the girl. “Sorry, sorry—I’m not yelling at you. I was just surprised. Were they going to defend it?”

Jes was injured. Like super injured. So, why did Stinky think it was a good idea to bring him along to go to the water tower? I knew that it was the final destination of the oomukade, but it didn’t make sense that the two of them would have abandoned the mending house to trek across town to stop the monsters from reaching their future birth palace—especially when one half of them could barely move. We’d literally had to carry Jes to Tallrock and unless magic here was advanced enough to fix broken bones in a day, it didn’t seem like that was a great decision. There had to be something else going on.

The little girl shrugged as a response, and the old man finally got the door open and wrapped an arm around her to usher her away from me. They entered the room and slammed the door. I heard the clack of a lock sliding into place and I shook my head sadly.

“You’re welcome!” I called exasperatedly through the closed door. Then I turned and dashed back out the hole in the wall to rejoin the fight.