It always came down to the same question. What, exactly, was I willing to risk for power? My path through the system seemed expertly designed to constantly push me to the brink of what I was willing to tolerate, tossing out little tidbits to reign me back in if I ever drifted beyond that point.

was a particularly egregious example.

Without it, I had zero interest in the lithid. None. Nada. The psychological trauma it could dole out on a lark simply wasn’t worth the risk. Even the idea of being in the same room as Iris made me uncomfortable after what it put me through.

And then there was my mother. If she’d buried what happened in my childhood for this long, this was absolutely, undoubtedly, the worst possible time for me to bring it up to her while she was on the road to recovery. Which meant the poignant mix of horror and curiosity would remain nestled in the back of my mind, positioned to make me doubt myself at the worst possible time.

Putting that aside for a moment, the lithid’s potential for collateral damage was astronomical. Far greater than any summon I’d held thus far. If the lithid rebelled—even in a small way—around my friends and family, the harm done from even a brief encounter could be catastrophic.

I could avoid using it around them at all costs, but some crossover was inevitable.

And if I couldn’t control it perfectly, and it decided it was hungry?

No. Not worth it.

Enter The fact that I was stuck with it regardless of if I selected the lithid as a summon felt as if the system was blatantly waggling sunk cost fallacy in my face, mocking me for even considering the possibility of disposing of it.

Even the description itself felt tailored to me:

It emphasized that the boon wouldn’t mind wipe the lithid or perfectly enslave it to my will. Rather that the experience had marked me to other eldritch creatures, and that lithids were powerful enough that they appreciated being bested in battle, and would intrinsically know that I’d managed such a feat.

It was a fucking mess, and I was no closer to a decision than I had been fifteen minutes ago, when Talia gave me the core.

“It is rare, to see you this indecisive.” Talia observed.

“I can’t—It’s like bringing a loaded gun into my life that I can only store on the kitchen table. Will it help me defend myself? Yes. Is it powerful? Definitely. Does it have the potential to bite me in the ass? Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“It’s difficult to believe I am about to say this, but,” Talia hesitated. “When you summoned me for the first time, it was clear you were perfectly willing to dismiss me if necessary. You were exceedingly careful, and had I not given you the correct responses, I have no doubt you would have followed through.”

“That’s different.” I extended a hand out to her in frustration. “Smart as you were, you were also pissed. Which made it far easier to read your intentions and motivations. I’m not certain how I’m supposed to feel out a monster with the capacity to read my every goddamn thought and potentially edit my memories.”

“It might not be as all-powerful as you’re giving it credit for.” Talia countered. “Both times it manipulated me, I was pulled into a dream state almost immediately. Same for you, if I understand correctly.”

When I nodded, Talia continued. “Then it’s possible its abilities may be drastically reduced when we are not in its thrall. Or that they may be entirely different from the creature we encountered. My mind was unaltered, but my abilities—in both forms I’ve inhabited—have been drastically different from those of my original body.”

“Right.” I considered that. “The summoning process tailors the summon to the User.”

“Now that I consider it, that might make it more threatening, rather than less.” Talia hedged.

She wasn’t wrong, but I gave her a sour look anyway. “Changing your mind?”

Talia shook her head. “I simply wish to avoid making an instinctual reaction, biased by stirred up strife from the experience we just had.”

I hated the idea of it. But Talia was right. This situation was as personal as it got. Any attempt to say otherwise was just lying to myself.

“Okay.” I picked up the core and held it out in her direction. “The lithid got us both with its initial hallucination and memory edit, but I imagine it had quite a bit of time to prepare. Once we broke out of it, it more or less focused on me.”

Talia’s eyes lit up. “Yes. It only attempted to assail me directly after you’d fought it off, and I presented the larger threat.”

“It made a few choice comments about preferring me as a… victim. But I can’t imagine a being with this thing’s capabilities getting tunnel vision. If it were able to, it would have targeted us both. Separated us like it did at the beginning. I think it’s more likely that once we actively engaged it, it could only focus its mind fuckery on one of us.”

“Then…”

“We’re doing this.” I squeezed the core tightly, a deep knot of anxiety tightening as I came to the decision. “But there are conditions. We both get a veto before I make a final decision. And we proceed with caution. Both of us.”

Talia scowled.

“This isn’t what you wanted. I get that. But I don’t see another way.” I shrugged. “If it’s too much, you still have that veto.”

“No. No.” Talia lowered her head between her paws in a pout. “If we are going to rely on each other, I cannot shirk the parts of that responsibility purely on the basis of finding it dreadful and unpleasant. And disgusting. And macabre.”

“Any more adjectives to throw out?” I asked, hiding a smile.

My summon showed a flash of teeth. “I’d prefer to get this over with. When are we going to do it?”

I looked around. Though the room was ordinary and bare, I didn’t like the idea of summoning the lithid in its own territory. Even if it was mostly inconspicuous.

“Let’s head down to the second floor. I need to make some adjustments beforehand.”

/////

Matt

Level 13 Ordinator

Identity: Myrddin, Level 13 ???

Strength: 6

Toughness: 6

Agility: 19+

Intelligence: 17+

Perception: 8

Will: 21

Companionship: 3

Active Title: Born Nihilist

Feats: Double-Blind, Ordinator’s Guile I, Ordinator’s Emulation, Stealth I, Awareness I, Harrowing Anticipation, Page’s Quickdraw, Vindictive, Squelch, Acclimation.

Skills: Probability Cascade, LVL 3. Suggestion, LVL 18. One-handed, LVL 16. Negotiation, LVL 11. Unsparing Fang (Emulated), Level 10, Bow Adept, LVL 3.

Boons: Nychta’s Veil, Eldritch Favor, Ordinator’s Implements,

Summons: Audrey — Flowerfang Hybrid, Bond LVL 5. Talia — Eidolon Wolf, Bond LVL 9

Selve: 50,329 (-100 per week)

Skill Points Available: 0. Feat points available: 2.

Not even the tranquility of the lakeside greenery on the second floor was enough to calm my nerves. It didn’t help that I was once again dumping my points into willpower—a stat of highly specific usefulness at best—and I still couldn’t find anything in the feat list that would allow me to get around the Suits’ mandatory geas. The geas presented a serious problem, as it prohibited me from reporting my findings to anyone, and more importantly, lying to their leadership.

If I couldn’t find a way to circumvent that limitation, the goose was cooked, and any chance of getting Nick out went clear out the window.

After I read through the available feats for the fifth time, cackled.

There’s nothing here. Same as the last four times. At this point, it’s just stalling.

There were a few mages I could go to for help. Astrid and Astria ranked at the top of the list, or maybe an alchemist if I could find one. That was an issue for later, however.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I withdrew the monster core from my inventory and pulled, feeling the sphere grow smaller as I absorbed the soul within.