Chapter 34

An Orc-ish Opportunity

GloomGlower

“This isn’t about you, FlyBooger,” I told the charming captain. “You put us in this mess in the first place. I’m the one getting us out of it. For a good deal.”

“I didn’t do nothing,” he said.

FlyBooger was upset that I’d decided to give a Fable Stone away for a regular supply of beer. To pacify him, I invited him and some others for dinner. We gorged on skewered rats and jellyfish. Beer and grounds too, of course.

“It is your fault and I’ve explained ten times why this is a good idea,” I said. “You still have a problem with it?”

FlyBooger sighed “No, GloomGlower. I guess I understand,” he said.

“Half the beer will be for us,” I said. “The other half we’ll save to trade. You and every little snot here knows that I pride our fleet on the amount of turrets we have.”

FlyBooger nodded. StubToes nodded. So did WiggleChin, OneFoot, and GapTooth. My highest performing captains. They were here because I had news to break to them. News that some might not like so much. Until I dangled the carrot.

“We’re not trading with the orcs again, are we?” GapTooth said.

“We are,” I said.

The captains all groaned.

“They can’t hurt us,” I said. “We’ve got the numbers. Tens of thousands more than last time. Plus, Ogo and I are friends.”

“The two of you ain’t friends,” OneFoot said.

“Acquaintances,” I clarified. “Ogo is a big fan of our beer. Remember?”

“Oh I remember,” FlyBooger said. “Let’s just make sure it’s a trade this time and they don’t simply walk away with it.”

“I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again,” I said. “They didn’t simply board my ships and take our beer. It came at a price.”

“Yea,” WiggleChin said. “The price of FREE!”

The goblins laughed and shrieked. When their half brains had nothing else to do, I continued.

“I traded those beers for a handshake. Ogo and I are on good terms. When I find out what our weekly supply of beer will be, I’m sending one of you sailing to find him.”

“I wouldn’t mind going,” OneFoot said, “but the sea is frozen over.”

“We’re going to draw straws,” I said. “Me included, but not you, StubToes. Whoever gets the short straw will take a band of goblins, one of the sleek swift boats, and you’ll drag it north to the volcanic peaks. The water is warmer there and you’ll row to orc island—whatever it’s called.”

“Can we choose whoever we want?” GapTooth said.

“Yes,” I said. “I’ll give you the warmest coats. The warmest boots. The best lanterns, and all the food you want. I’ll reward the captain with their own Fable Stone.”

“Are you sure I can’t pick straws?” StubToes said. “I’m capable. I swear that I’m capable.”

“I need you here, StubToes. The rest of you—listen. I’ll promote each of the snots you pick to go with you and reward them with their own weapons and boots.”

The captains were pleased with the arrangement. The deal would mean that lesser goblins would look up to them. I gave them a hefty task, but I knew the work they’d have to do would be worth it. It was always good to make sure my top goblins were well compensated for the tasks they were given. Especially these ones.

“We’re not trading with Ogo for another handshake, are we?” GapTooth said.

“I’m trading for more turrets. A lot more. Depending on the supply, I’m going to ask for ships.”

“Orc ships?” FlyBooger said.

“That’s right. The best of the best. Big ships that float on their own.”

“I’m ready to go right now, if we’re getting better ships,” OneFoot said.

“I’ll have to negotiate first,” I said.

“You think Ogo will come down here himself?” StubToes said. “Just to talk to us?”

“I’d bet on it,” I said. “So let’s draw straws.” I reached into my pocket, feigning a grab at straws I supposedly had. Before I removed my hand from my pocket, I paused and looked at my captains. “Or…” I said.

“Or?” FlyBooger said.

“Or you could all go.”

“All of us?” GapTooth said. “I don’t like it. Why all of us?”

“All of you put together equal one full brain. That’s why. Upon your success, I will sign over the first orc ships we earn from our trade to each one of you. After I get mine first, of course.”

Each goblin before me went wide-eyed. Their mouths hung open in shock. I could see their brains scenario-building behind their eyes. They were probably imagining themselves high upon the helm of a sturdy orc ship with a summer breeze flapping their ears, with thousands of goblins praising them for letting them work on the best ship.

“I’m ready to go at sunrise!” OneFoot said.

“Me too!” the others said.

“Now hold on a minute,” I said. “I have to wait until that monster Thrush returns to negotiate the supply we’ll be getting. The bigger it is, the more likely we are to negotiate some new ships.”

“I’m glad you didn’t kill him on the spot!” WiggleChin said. “Imagine the opportunity we’d be missing!”

“Opportunity,” I said. “Exactly.”

At that moment, BarnacleEyes opened the door ajar and popped her head in.

“K-king GloomGlower?” she said.

“BarnacleEyes! Good to see you. How are you liking your new promotion?”

“Very much, my king,” BarnacleEyes said. She slid into the room, gently closed the door behind her, and counted six of her fingers. “I’ve done six errands for you today!”

“You see,” I said with enthusiasm. “You’re already one of the best!”

BarnacleEyes smiled from pointy ear to pointy ear.

“This will be my seventh,” she said.

“Seventh?”

“I’m here to tell you that the fish-bear monster is back and wants to talk with you.”

“Fish-bear? Oh, fish-bear! Thrush, the monster! Yes! Yes! Yes! Bring him in. The rest of you—SCRAM!”

StubToes was uncertain if he was included in the order to scram. The others grabbed what food they could and bolted past BarnacleEyes and out the door. BarnacleEyes stood there with giant, happy eyes, until I reminded her to fetch the Thrush monster.

When she returned with him a moment later, I was slightly taken aback. The beast looked a bit different. I thought his eyes had been more goblin green before. Now they reminded me of fish scales. His ears were more round now. Less pointy. Instead of long goblin-ish fingers, he had nearly round bear paws. Even his fur was slightly darker, save the silver tips.

“You look different,” I said, and gestured for him to sit across from me at the couches.

“I am what I am,” Thrush said.

“So you’ve got news for me,” I sang.

“I do. I talked to Hawkin. He agreed to spend some of his time brewing beer for you.”

“How much, is the question. Don’t forget, Thrush. This needs to be a good deal for me.”

“Hawkin can do five gallons a day for now.”

“Absolutely not! What do you take me for? A fool? We’re thirsty here!”

Thrush smiled a maw of fangs.

“That’s as much as Hawkin can do for now. Let’s call it a trial run. If you can supply us with barrels or any other kind of vessel, Hawkin could probably brew more. He and I talked at length about this opportunity. With the experience he’ll get from our arrangement, he’ll be able to level up some more. Once he levels up some more, he might be able to brew a lot more beer at once.”

“Interesting,” I said, and stood to pace behind the couch. “There’s a lot of words you said which I didn’t like hearing.”

“Such as?”

“Trial run; Probably; For now; Might be able to.”

“There’s one more thing,” Thrush said. “The Fable Stone buys you one month of beer. After that, we’ll have to make a new arrangement.”

“Hawkman put you up to this.”

“Hawkin. Hawkin is my friend. I won’t let him work for nothing.”

“Let me think for a moment,” I said.

Thrush made no movement. He just stared at me and waited. I tore my eyes from his creepy, huge-eyed face and paced.

Damn FourFingers! I didn’t expect him to come back with conditions! I already teased my best captains on getting new ships. How am I supposed to do this with only five gallons a day! How am I going to fix this…

“What’s the problem?” Thrush said after I’d returned to the couch.

“The problem is that five gallons a day is too little. I’d need at least twenty gallons a day to start.”

“How about we double it after the first month. Then double it again for the following month? We can renegotiate at the end of each month.”

I pinched my chin and “hmmm’d” long and low.

“I’ll say yes under one of my own conditions,” I said. “Your Hawkman has gotta brew goblin spit beer.”

Thrush chuckled. “Done,” he said.

We shook on it.

“Here’s your Fable Stone,” I said. “I’ll expect the first shipment next week.”

I withdrew the stone from my inventory and plopped it onto the palm of his paw.