《Hers | ✔ | (Editing)》32| Hiraeth
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/hɨraɪ̯θ/
●●●
It scares me sometimes,
how much I think of going out for a walk,
and never coming back home,
how willingly I am,
to leave everything I have,
and everyone I know.
●●●
N o t e
Hey loves! Yes, I am aware that the chapter does indeed look different - this is how the whole book should look like once I start editing it. In other words, if I do (God I really hope) publish Hers, these are what the chapters will look like! I do have a few announcements to make, so I will just be really brief with them here, and will be more in detail in the long Author's Note.
⇒ The Fiction Awards have started! Which basically mean readers get to nominate their favourite books and author in the selected category through inline comments on The Fiction Awards book! And it would mean a lot to me if you guys went on there and nominated Hers and I - it would mean immensely to me, and I will sob.
⇒ I have also entered Hers in the #Wattys2016, so please don't forget to share and vote on this story!
⇒ I have also started a new story! Not a lot of people are aware of this, but I actually started writing a new story, Belle, which is the first book in a series of my own Disney retellings! It would mean a lot to me if you guys went on there and checked it out!
⇒ I am also really sad to say that Hers won't be continuing much longer; the story is already coming to an end. But do not worry! I am thinking of conducting a one shot competition after I have completed it! It is really exciting, and I was wondering whether you all are alright with that? Comment down your thoughts on whether I should host it! Prizes and everything will be included, so tell me down below!
I know this note wasn't a very modest one - I do admit, self promo and what not sometimes do make me feel ashamed - but I always tell myself that there is nothing wrong for recognition for my work since I do truly, work hard for it.
That's all for this part of the Author's Note loves, hope you all do enjoy the chapter!
xoxo
●●●
He couldn't quite breathe properly after that.
Trembling fingers and jittering knees, Aaron felt like he was 15 all over again; the alerted eyes and pursed lips, the constant shakes his elbows were making and the frequent twitches his pinky was making – it all seemed like the first time once more.
And Rose could tell – he knew she could, rubbing her palms against his shoulders as he rested his forehead on her neck, running her fingers through his hair every now and then.
"Hey," She whispered, her warm gaze made his fingers stable. "It's okay Aaron, don't worry."
He gulped, nodding his head. "I know I am," He tried to give her a smile. "I am with you."
Rose gave him a subtle smile, before kissing his cheek. "That's about right."
He let out a breath, before Rose embraced him tight. "Go with James for a while, he'll help you get your mind off things." There was that understanding glint in her eyes again. "And you could do the same for him."
Aaron gripped her closely. "I don't like the idea of leaving you alone while Damien is here."
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Rose smiled. "I'm a strong girl, I can handle a fart face like him."
Aaron chuckled quietly. "Fart face?"
Rose nodded. "The stinkiest one there is."
Aaron nodded, kissing her on the lips again. There was always something sacred whenever he did. "Thank you," He whispered to her, resting his forehead on her collarbones, clearly hearing the Thump – thump of her heart. "For being here with me."
He could feel her kiss the top of his head. "You know I would do anything for you Aaron," Her fingers were so soft against his shoulders. "I promise."
"You don't understand how happy that makes me."
She smiled, before kissing his forehead once more. "Okay, that's enough sap and cheesiness, let's get you all cheered up and watch Harry Potter."
And they did. Rose took Aaron and knocked on James' room, where the little blonde haired boy was settled on his bed, sending the pair a tight smile as his shoulders trembled.
But Rose didn't have any of that; she gave James a hug before whispering something in his ear and eventually figured out how to use the DVD player – Is this the play button? Goodness, I don't even know – and soon, the movie was playing for the three to see.
Aaron could see Rose mouthing the lines, while James was keenly watching; settled right in between the couple as he munched on some biscuits they had leftover from earlier – Hey it's exactly like that part in the book – while Aaron couldn't really focus on anything.
It was hard watching normally when his tormenting elder brother was only a few rooms across, and it was even harder watching normally when Aaron knew his parents would be home in a few hours.
Aaron excused himself for a bathroom break, noticing how Rose's eyes immediately snapped to him, glimmering in raw concern, before he gave her a shrug and a small smile before making his way out.
He closed the door behind him, letting out a small breath as he moved along the corridors – he was feeling a little queasy, and he did want some time alone.
"Hello there,"
Aaron could feel his back muscles contract, his eyes immediately snapping to the blue of his brother's. Breathe. "I didn't expect to see you out so soon," Damien continued, eyes glimmering cerulean and azure. "I thought you always needed more time for adjustments and such." He was smiling too. "But all is well innit?"
"Everything is just peachy," Aaron muttered, clenching his fists. "What are you doing here anyway?"
"Last time I checked, a member of the family has full rights to roam the house," Damien replied, grinning. "Except you of course," He added. "So I should be the one asking what are you doing here."
"Could you lower your voice?" Aaron hissed, glancing at the closed door behind him. "I don't want Rose to worry more than she already is."
"How adorable," Damien mocked, rolling his eyes. "There's absolutely nothing to worry about," He said simply. "You can start worrying when Mum and Dad arrive in 48 hours."
"But you said they're coming in 6 hours and 58 minutes."
"Got caught up on some last minute meetings and what not," Damien shrugged, casually leaning on the wall. "But you can always give them a surprise visit – I am sure they'll appreciate it."
"Go to hell."
"Gladly," Damien replied. "After a game of chess of course," He grinned, nodding his head. "Just like old times."
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"I don't want to play chess, especially not with you." Aaron seethed, feeling his chest heave with annoyance.
"Just one game," Damien smirked, tipping his head to the side. "What do you have to lose?"
"Time with Rose before she decides to leave me," Aaron said, clenching his jaw.
"Now why would she leave you?" Damien grinned, quirking an eyebrow. "I'm sure our parents would welcome her just fine."
"Go to hell."
"Play a game with me."
Gritting his teeth, Aaron shook his head aggressively. "I am not playing a fucking game of chess with you when my girlfriend is worrying about me like no other," Aaron said sternly, glaring at his brother. "And James is there too."
"James can join us if he wishes," Damien said. "He can learn a few marvelous tricks from his eldest brother."
"Please, we all are aware on how many times I have beaten you Damien, there's no need to be boastful."
"Then we need a rematch don't we?" Damien smirked. "One game Aaron, it'll be fun."
●●●
Damien cocked an eyebrow, concentrating. "Your move," He told Aaron after he moved his horse. "So tell me little brother, how are things with Rose?"
Aaron was trying not to yell, but his answer came out a bit harsh. "Like I said before, it is none of your concern." He clenched his jaw. "Your move,"
"Still on with the hostility I see," Damien said, furrowing his eyebrows at Aaron's chess piece. "I invited you for Chess so we could break the ice." A pause. A clank. "Your move,"
"Break the ice?" Aaron couldn't help the mockery that slipped in his tone. "Who paid you? Mummy dearest herself?"
Damien clenched his jaw. "Is it so hard to believe that I am actually a decent human being?"
"Yes it is," Aaron replied, glancing at the chess board once more. "Your move,"
"Mummy dearest has no idea I am here," Damien stated, rubbing his chin in thought. "So stop revolting me like I am some sort of cheap man." A flicker to Aaron's eyes. "Your move,"
"Like you'd know anything about cheap," Aaron said simply, glimpsing at the satin of Damien's trousers. "You've been bathed in utmost riches." A glance at the chess board once more. "Your move."
"I was asking about Rose," Damien said, and there was a tick in his jaw. "Stop being so diabolical and answer."
"Rose is the best thing that has ever happened to me," Aaron said sternly, his eyes lingering on Damien for a while. "And I am not comfortable talking about someone so special to me, to someone who doesn't care." Gritted teeth. "She deserves to be talked to only loved ones."
Damien grinned. "Ah, young love. How romantic," A clank. "Your move,"
Aaron could feel his shoulders shaking. "I would appreciate it if you never uttered even a word of Rose again," He said clearly, synchronizing the chess board beneath his chin. "It's personal."
"But an elder brother must worry shouldn't he?" Damien leaned comfortably back on the arm chair, smirking. "So you won't leave her?"
"If anyone has to leave it should be her," Aaron said simply. "I am not capable of doing such a diabolical thing." A pause. "Your move,"
Damien nodded, blue eyes fixated on the chess figurines. "So would it affect anything if I told you Grace might come and visit?"
Aaron unconsciously dropped one of his pawns, his eyes widening at the mention of her name. Damien was smirking. But Aaron regained his posture quickly again, before he shook his head. "No, it won't affect anything."
"At all?"
"I am not going to leave Rose and go back to her," Aaron almost snarled, clearly appalled by his brother's accusations. "I love her Damien, Rose is my everything. Grace is nothing to me anymore."
"Very well," Damien replied. "Your move,"
"That's your problem you see," Aaron said quietly, his eyes still on the chessboard. "You always presume you know what people's motives are and what their intentions contain," A quirked eyebrow and a small smile. "But you always conclude to be wrong." Aaron's eyes flickered to watch a crease form on Damien's eyebrow. "Checkmate."
Aaron then got to his feet, adjusting his shirt before he glanced at Damien. "Good game," He told him, trying to tame down his messy hair. "You did last longer than the last time I recalled."
"Go to hell,"
"Then I'll be seeing you there soon."
Aaron left the room, and re-entered James' room. "You took long," Rose said almost immediately, quirking an eyebrow as a clear indication of You did something and that something was not going to the bathroom.
Aaron just smiled. "There were just a few bugs in the bathroom that I had to beat," He ruffled James' hair. "They lasted longer than last time though."
●●●
Aaron was queasy, knowing Grace could pop up any moment.
He knew it was irrational to over think about something as utterly useless as her, but Aaron couldn't really help it – he didn't want her anywhere near Rose, and he would do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn't happen.
James was sleeping now, considering it was already half past nine, the blonde haired boy kissed both Aaron and Rose goodnight before he headed off to his room. Aaron did notice how there was a tremendous improvement in his mood, and he only had Rose to thank for that.
"Grace might come," He blurted out, almost flinching at the look of surprise that flowed over Rose's face. "I don't know when, Damien just brought it up."
Her hand came to his back, and her head settled on his shoulder. "I'm not worried Aaron, if that's what you're thinking." He could instantly feel his muscles relax. "I honestly couldn't care less."
Aaron smiled, giving her forehead a small kiss. "That's nice to know," He mumbled, smiling a bit. "I just wanted to let you know."
He could feel her smile over how tight her cheek became over his shoulder. "And I am happy you did." She nudged him playfully. "Don't worry big boy, I'll protect you."
Aaron actually let out a chuckle he didn't know he was capable of making at this point. "I know you will."
"I see you're taking me for granted now – okay, that's the queue for me to leave."
"Funny,"Aaron rolled his eyes, laughing once more. "You can't leave. Not after all this." He told her quietly, shocking himself on how vulnerable he sounded.
Aaron slightly panicked – he knew Rose was only joking, but he had no idea why he just had to make everything serious and scary again, but it made sense when he remember Grace could pay them a visit any moment now.
"Hey," Her voice lowered to a whisper, her brown eyes swirled with utmost concern. "You're not worried about Grace ruining us right?"
Aaron shook his head, feeling the tears burn the back of his eyes. "It's not Grace I am worried about," He whispered to her, swallowing down a nervous gulp. "Just thinking, that's all."
"Aaron," Her voice held no room for argument, but her eyes were still so soft and gentle. "What's wrong? Tell me."
"It's nothing Rose," Aaron said, running a hand through his hair. "Just the complications we're going to face in a while."
Her hand was so smooth. "I am pretty sure I can handle your parents Aaron," Rose said, giving him a small smile.
Aaron tried to smile too. "I know you can handle them Rose, no question. But –" He swallowed harshly. "– will you be able to handle them long enough for me?" He sounded insecure, and he felt insecure; his body trembling with this feeling of recklessness and anxiety, accompanied by self consciousness that Aaron couldn't shake off for the past few hours.
Rose frowned. "Of course I will," She was looking confused now; her eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. "What are you saying?"
Aaron didn't know how to put this feeling into words; how there was always a weight on his shoulders for James and for earning a living – everything – and now that he had Rose, now that he had someone he loved and was loved in return, he didn't want to give her any of the weight. He didn't want Rose to feel what he has gone through, to even remotely lift something that wasn't hers to bear.
How was he supposed to say that?
How was he supposed to say that if he gave her some of the weight of his parents, she would realize that it would was too heavy; too out of control, needed too much maintenance and then she would just leave?
And Aaron – Aaron would be a...
"I don't know how to say this," He told her honestly, lacing their fingers together. He could see the trembles his pinky was making was shaking both their hands. "It's probably nothing and I am just overreacting again and being melodramatic and what not –"
"It has to be something if it's making you think this hard," Rose replied simply, still staring at him in question.
Aaron stared down at his lap, ashamed. Maybe he really was overreacting and lacing a bit of melodrama in his thoughts. Rose wouldn't leave him, she loved him enough to stay with him for the past five and a half months, and she was going to love him enough to stay with him through his parents too – right?
She was going to love him through all the rough patches they were going to encounter in a few hours, and she was going to love him when she sees how terrible his parents are – isn't she?
But what if she decided that...Aaron wasn't worth all the fighting? That a skinny, lanky guy like him was just another case of bad luck; entwined with fucked up parents and elder brother, Rose didn't have any reason to endure all this for him. She didn't need to stay and fight for Aaron when he himself lost the battle he fought with his parents, when Rose could just as easily get out of his life simply as she got in.
And Aaron couldn't risk that.
He couldn't risk seeing the love of his life leaving just because his parents were never the friendly type, or because his elder brother was an idiot – he couldn't risk it. He couldn't let the girl he loved most get dragged away by the people he cared about least – Please don't leave please please please –
"I just don't want you to leave me because of them," He whispered it to her so quietly as though he could take them back and handle it like he always did. "I know I told you this before, but Rose, my parents – my parents are probably going to be the most fucked up people you will ever meet."
Aaron was scared, and this wasn't a fear that always spiked up for James or for his financial issues, but it was a fear – a fear so raw, and so deep of losing Rose.
"And I don't – don't want to lose you over them," He said quietly, his eyes focused on his knees now. "I – I wouldn't know what to d – do if that happened Rose, I don't want to even think about –"
Rose let out a small breath before she kissed Aaron softly; pouring all her confidence and all her promises into his lips. It was as though she was making him an oath; one that could only be understood by two people in love.
"I wouldn't leave you over anything Aaron," Rose said quietly, giving him a smile. "Don't forget that." She nudged his nose with her own, but he could still see the seriousness sparkling in her eyes. "Your parents won't either," She said, smiling full now; the crinkles around her eyes accentuating the brown of her iris. "I am willing to make The Unbreakable Vow." She told him, kissing Aaron's forehead, still smiling.
Aaron just looked at her in surprise; his blue eyes widening at her. "You – You would do The Unbreakable Vow with me?" He spluttered, his voice almost tinged with a tone of hysteria, but his heart was in hysterics for sure; beating Thump – thump over the words Rose just uttered.
But Rose looked as calm as she mere seconds ago. "Of course I would," She said, nodding her head. "Ah, but my wand is at home." She frowned. Aaron tried to hide a smile, but from the beam that crawled Rose's lips, it seemed to be useless. "But you have one! Where is it then?"
Aaron smiled. "Right here."
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go and –"
"Rose we will need a Bonder. There has to be someone else who is going to perform the vow while we hold hands."
Rose looked almost defeated, but the excitement was soon radiating from her face once more. "Do you think George is awake at this time? We could like –"
But Aaron laughed. "George would probably be –"
A knock on the door silenced both of them, and Aaron's nerves could not have heightened more.
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