《Hurts So Good》Chapter 17 | Dandelions
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Hector's words kept going around in my mind. He's right. I can't afford to hurt her in anyway cause there is no way anything between us will ever work.
No. I am going to keep my distance from her from now on no matter how much it hurts.
Then I remembered that I promised to take her somewhere tomorrow and I curse underneath my breath. Okay, after tomorrow, after we come back then I will keep my distance from her.
From tomorrow. My heart ached knowing after tomorrow I can't be with her, can't enjoy her presence, her voice, her actions. Her everything.
You are in love, Elysian. I remembered what the doctor told me the other day and my heart clenched further. No. I don't love her, I can't.
But if this the taste of what it feels like to be in love I wonder how fucking amazing it would be to be in love with her and for her to love me back.
I want it. I want her, I want her love, her happiness, her soul. I want her to remain my wife forever. I want to cherish her, care for her.
After being lonely for so many years, I finally got the taste of what home feels like. She's my home. And I want to come home to her everyday for the rest of my life.
I shut my eyes firmly as tears threatened to escape. And I felt her soft, little fingers wrap themselves around my wrist. "Elysian?" Her angelic voice made me want to burst into tears.
"What's wrong?" She asked again.
Everything except you.
Not able to control myself, I flipped us over making her gasp and I buried my face in the crook of her neck, my arms around her body.
I snifled trying my best but a year trickled down my face and on her neck and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and the other cradled my head. "Oh God, are you crying?"
"Elysian, what's wrong? Please tell me."
More tears fell from my eyes, all the pent up frustrations transforming into tears and I sobbed silently into her embrace.
"Hey..." She whispered and ran her fingers through my hair. "It's okay..."
Her hand rubbed my back, trying to console me and I was grateful she wasn't forcing me to tell her what exactly was wrong because even I didn't know what was wrong. "Shh...you are going to be okay..."
A minute later when my sobs subsided, embarrassed I removed my head from her neck and wiped away my tears.
She cupped my cheeks before I could move away. "Do you wanna share what's wrong?"
I shook my head and she gave me an assuring smile. "It's okay. But I will be there to listen if you ever wanna share."
I nodded and laid back down on my side. I can't believe I cried like that. God knows what she must be thinking of me.
"I hope you are not feeling embarrassed..." I heard say. "Elysian. Look at me."
I slowly turned around and came face to face with her and she wiped away the tear which was lingering in the corner of my eyes. "People, especially men think tears are a sign of weakness but in reality tears show how strong you really are to express your feelings. Tears don't show weakness, it shows strength."
She continued. "And it's good to let out your worries once in a while or else your heart gets really heavy. And I am not judging you, okay?"
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A small smile touched my lips on hearing her say all that and I nodded.
"Good. Now get some sleep because you have to take me somewhere tomorrow too." And she grinned excitedly making my smile widen.
She kissed my forehead, letting her lips linger there and pulled back. "Goodnight."
I kissed her forehead too. "Goodnight, wifey."
.
.
.
"Wakey, wakey!"
"Get up, Elysian. Look I am already dressed up and I even made us breakfast."
Grunting, I turned my face away, trying to block her voice.
"Aren't you the one always to wake up first, what happened now?" Yeah, I was watching a wonderful dream which you had to ruin.
"If you don't get up then I will eat all your ice cream or worse, dump it somewhere."
My eyes snapped opened on hearing that. "Don't." I warned.
"Then get up and save your ice cream, Mr Leonidas."
I was up on my feet in an instant and seeing the determined look on my face she laughed. "Your love for ice cream is on another level. Have you been like this since childhood?"
"Yes." I grumbled.
"So you have been a cutie pie ever since."
"I have already said this and I will say this again that I am not a cutie pie, Farren." I complained.
She waved her hands in the air dismissing me. "Sure, whatever. Now get ready and come down for breakfast." And then she left, closing the door behind her.
I took a shower and changed into a pair of jeans, white t shirt and a denim jacket over it and I walked down for breakfast.
Thankfully, she never brought up how and why I cried last night and we had our breakfast in a comfortable silence.
How am I supposed to tell her that I haven't decided where to take her yet?
"I packed some sandwiches and pasta that I made and don't worry I even packed your ice cream." She told me after the breakfast pointing to the picnic basket on the table alongside which was my ice box.
"Good." I gave her a thumbs up while biting the inside of my cheek.
I don't know where to take her!
I ran my brain as fast as possible to come up with a place which she would like and finally I knew where I can take her and I pulled out my phone and sent a message to someone after a very long time and I really hope they haven't changed their number and all and they remember me.
And I picked up the basket. "Let's go."
.
.
.
"What is this place?" She asked as I parked the car on the empty, narrow road infront of the small black gate.
"Umm...you will see. I hope you like it." I got out of the car and going to her side, pulled opened her door.
She stepped out of the car and looked around as I took out the picnic basket from the trunk.
I took her hand in mine and carefully pushed opened the gate which creaked.
"This looks like a farm house." She commented.
Suddenly I was feeling very nervous. She never replied to my text, I hope she is well.
"Mom?" I called out making Farren's head snap to me and her eyes widened.
"Mom? This is your mom's house?!"
I nodded. "It is."
She started to fix her hair and clothes and I stopped her. "Stop. You look beautiful."
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She blushed slightly. "Umm...is your father here too?"
A dark look fell over my face. "No. He's dead."
"Oh, I am sorry...I didn't know."
"It's okay. Let's go."
We walked down the small path leading up to the cottage style house. "Mom?" I called out once again and rang the bell.
"I haven't seen her for twelve years. Ever since I left for Canada." I admitted gloomily. "I don't know if she will recognise me or even forgive me."
Farren stepped closer and squeezed my hand. "I'm sure she remembers you and yes, she will forgive you."
Sighing, I was about to ring the bell again when the door was pulled opened and there she stood looking old and fragile, her hair greying and tied in a low bun, wrinkles covered her once beautiful face.
"Mom..." I greeted her, my voice shaking with emotions.
Her bottom lip wobbled and I was pulled into a her arms and I bent down to her level to hug her back.
"Elysian..." She whispered, crying softly. "You are so grown up, I could hardly recognise you."
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier." I cried too. "I am so sorry, mom."
She rubbed my back. "It's okay. You are here now."
I eventually pulled back and wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead making her smile at me. "You wanted to introduce me to someone...?"
"Yes." I stepped back and wrapped my arm around Farren's waist. "Mom, meet my wife, Farren."
Farren looked nervous and she raised her hand to wave at her awkwardly. "Hello."
Mom accessed her from head to toe before pulling her into a hug too. "You got married!" She explained hugging her tightly. "And you are so cute!"
Farren chuckled. "Thank you."
She then moved back and made us both stand together and beamed with happiness. "You both look so adorable!"
And we both blushed at that and we gave each other a shy and an understanding look knowing there is no way we can tell her that this marriage is for business purpose only or it will break her heart.
"Come in now." And she ushered us inside her house.
"Are the flowers still present?" I asked mom, pointing to the door leading to the garden.
"Yes, I have been taking good care of them." She answered proudly.
And I grabbed Farren's arm and dragged her out to the garden making her gasp in surprise when she saw a whole field of bright, yellow coloured dandelions dancing along the gentle breeze and shining under the sun.
"This is so beautiful!" She screamed in delight.
I glanced at her looking so excited to see the flowers, the innocence radiating off her and I smiled widely. "I know."
.
.
.
Yesterday was beautiful, I met mom after so long and Farren looked so happy there and seeing her happy made me happy.
But that dream didn't last long and ever since we came back, I tried my best to ignore her, talked to her as less as possible.
And she noticed that and became quiet eventually and it fucking hurt but I have no other choice.
The house has been awfully silent since yesterday, she didn't even cuddle with me and didn't say a single word since morning to me and I only heard her voice when she greeted Zeke and Nora in the office.
I sat beside her scrolling through the Insta account that she created for me because after all it can be addicting.
I stalked her account, opening each and every one of her post and liking it and her phone buzzed beside me and she glanced towards it and then gave me a pointed look and scoffed and focused on her work again.
I noticed that she wasn't that cheerful today instead there was wistful look on her face and I wanted to ask her what was wrong and maybe I could fix it but I forced myself not to.
Eventually I got up to take a walk outside to clear my head and she didn't even bother to see where I was going.
This is killing me.
Outside, before I could stop myself I had bought myself a cigarette. It's been years since I last smoked, I had got rid of this addiction but today it took everything in me not to smoke it again.
I took out the lighter that I always carry in my pocket and was about to light it I paused. I shouldn't, this is wrong.
And after much contemplation, I crushed it and threw it away and kept back the lighter. I won't smoke again, it took a lot of will power to get rid of this addiction the first time, not again.
Gritting my teeth, I walked back inside the office and frowned on seeing Farren's seat empty.
Where did she go?
I saw Nora working nearby and I went to her. "Where's Farren?"
She looked baffled. "She went home, she wasn't feeling well. I thought she was with you."
What?
She went home without me?
I fished out my phone and saw three missed calls from her. What the fuck? Why was my phone on silent?
I quickly called her back but it said that it was switched off. Fuck hell! Who told her to go alone?!
What if the Italians got her? Or the Caligos?
No. No. No. I can't let anything happen to her.
Fuck. And I went down to the parking and taking my car drove to my penthouse praying she was alright as I tried calling her again and again.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I won't be able to forgive myself if something happens to her. No. Fuck. Not her. I care for her too much. Dread settled in my stomach and I felt nauseated.
In a hurry, I parked my car and took the elevator up to the penthouse and I felt like I could breathe again when I saw her standing in the living room, in one piece. My eyes scrutinized her, looking for any sign of injuries.
"What the fuck, Farren?" I breathed in relief.
"I wasn't feeling well...I called you but you didn't pick up and then my phone died."
"You could have waited for me!"
"I said I wasn't feeling well! I wanted to come back home and besides what happened to you, huh? I thought you weren't talking to me?"
I walked closer to her. "Don't try to change the fucking topic."
"Or what?" She raised her chin in a challenge.
"Do you have any idea what I went through in the past twenty minutes?"
She rolled her eyes. "I don't know. How am I supposed to know?"
A weird mixture of fury and relief on seeing her filled my body. "I fucking lost my mind thinking something happened to you!"
And covering the distance between us, my lips descended on hers in a punishing kiss.
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