30 Days with Fina by JellOfAllTrades

Chapter 14

There's got to be some kind of magic going on with me.

"Pano mo nga pala ulit ako napapayag dito?" I ask Fina.

"Tinanong lang kita tapos um-oo ka kaagad. Bakit, ayaw mo na?" She replied, looking up at me with worry etched on her pretty face.

"Hindi naman." I shrugged. "It's just somewhat weird na napapayag mo ulit akong magsimba."

I think I've mentioned it before that religion is something that my parents failed to drill into me. And here I am now, walking side by side with a girl I've only known for two weeks and she easily managed to make me attend mass for the second time.

"Hindi ka ba naniniwala sa Kanya?" Fina asked in the silence. I noticed she was a bit breathless so I slowed down.

"Ayos ka lang?" I asked first. We could have taken a tricycle to the church but she thought it would be nice to walk the distance. I guess she wanted to talk to me because we won't have time until the mass ends later.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She waved off my worry. "Ano na?"

"Ano ulit yung tanong mo?"

"Kung hindi ka ba naniniwala sa Kanya?" She asked again.

"Hindi ko alam."

"Anong klaseng sagot yan?" She retorted.

"Anong klaseng tanong yan?" I replied.

She made a 'psh' sound and then pouted. "Hindi ka magaling na estudyante."

"Pano mo naman nalaman yan eh hindi naman kita teacher."

"Hindi nga, pero nagaral ako maging teacher for two years!" She justified and took two steps away from me.

"The first two years of college is basically useless," I muttered.

"Anong sabi mo?!" Fina frowned, obviously annoyed. But she seriously looked like she didn't hear what I said.

I only smiled at her, knowing full well that my words would hurt her feelings. I've been extra careful with her lately, I realized. I always try and be nice to her because unlike me, she's not well off.

We reached St. Peter's church not long after. Fina seems to still be in a bad mood so I thought better of it than annoy her even more. I followed her through the crowd and found seats on the front left side of the church.

"Fina," I called her attention.

"Ano?"

"Galit ka?"

"Hindi,"

"Eh ba't nakasimangot ka sakin?" I pouted, trying to look a bit more pitying--which, of course, I was never really any good at. I always carried myself with pride, confidence, and dignity.

"Wag ka nalang maingay please? Magiistart na oh?" She jerked her chin to the altar and didn't say anything else as the choir had started to sing.

My grandparents are religious. My parents, a little bit. And my brothers and I are...let's just say we don't care. It's a receding trait that's bound to die off on our family, why would we even care about it?

I first got confused about religion when there are creationists who believe that the universe came from an act of divine creation and there are evolutionists that says we evolved from monkeys. Later on, I thought that it's all just bullshit. Why care about where we came from in the past when we can enjoy the present, right?

There's also the concept of morality. Christianity tells us to follow the Ten Commandments, the Beatitudes, and the Bible, and yet, history tells us that some of the bloodiest wars are because of religious conflicts. I know that religion is supposed to be good-natured but how am I going to believe something that is so greatly misinterpreted and it's leaders very hypocritical?

And as if it's not confusing enough already, one's religion tells us what kind of afterlife they think they will have. Christians tell us about heaven, Buddhism preaches about rebirth and nirvana, and so on and so forth. But they all have one thing in common; that whatever we do right now, here on Earth, will greatly affect our lives later on after we die.

But then, can I ask, is there really a life after death? Is there really heaven, purgatory, or hell, or is it all a concept made to make us all do good to one another while we're still here, living?

And what is really good?

Recently I learned that some innocent gestures here can be rude to some countries in the world and should be avoided when traveling. I thought that pretty much answer up my question earlier; whatever is good to you can come out as bad to other people with different upbringings. Good or bad, beautiful or ugly, nice or evil, normal is defined by your upbringing. Like that from an old movie, "Normal is an illusion. What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly."

"Jell," Fina called.

"Huh?" I turned towards her, waking up from my reverie.

Fina smiled at me and shook her head as if I did something stupid, she then she reached for my hand and held it up between us. It was then that I realized I drifted off and we're now in the 'Ama Namin' part of the mass.

"Focus," She whispered to me.

"Sorry," I replied.

Fina's hand felt soft and small against my roughly large ones. It seems weird really because I'm a tall girl and she's a small and petite one. We basically look odd together and yet I feel comfortable with her. Is that a bad thing?

When the song ended our hands dropped down but I didn't let her go. Fina looked up at me, wondering but she didn't ask anything and I didn't say anything. We just stayed there, side by side, our hands holding as the mass drawled on.

I felt like we were in our own small bubble together. The voice of the priest was barely a whisper and all I could clearly hear is Fina's deep breaths beside me. How could a simple touch of affection such as holding hands make me feel so awkward and comfortable all at the same time?

What is this magic?

The mass ended and I'm still holding her hand. We stayed seated for a while, watching the other churchgoers leave.

"Jell?"

"Ano yun?"

"Hindi mo sinagot yung tanong ko."

"Aling tanong?"

"Naniniwala ka ba sakanya?" She jerked her chin to the front where the large cross is hanging by the altar.

I shook my head no.

"Bakit?" Fina asked.

"Ewan ko. I was just never attracted to the concept of a divine entity ruling the universe."

Fina giggled beside me.

"Tumatawa ka jan?" I asked, curious by her reaction. Normally, this kind of topic requires seriousness. Why is she giggling?

"Nakakatuwa ka talaga pag lumalalim yung words mo." She giggled again.

I smiled. "Inaasar mo ba ako?"

"Eh kasi naman eh, hindi talaga halatang matalino ka!"

"Baka gusto mong paduguin ko yang ilong mo sa katalinuhan ko sa economics?" I challenged her.

Fina giggled more beside me like what I told her was a joke. "Talaga lang ha?"

I pouted, feeling insulted.

Fina stopped giggling when she noticed the change in my mood. "Oy, joke lang, eto naman. Napikon ka kaagad?"

"Kasi naman eh."

Fina poked my cheek. "Ganyan ka pala pag napipikon. Ang cute mo."

I frowned at her. "Anong cute? Pogi kaya ako!"

Fina laughed. "Biglang ganun?"

I stood up, still holding her hand. "Tara na nga, nagugutom na ako, di ako nag-almusal."

Fina followed me. "Ba't di ka nag-almusal? Most important meal of the day kaya yun!"

"Nagmamadali ako eh, nalate kaya ako ng gising kanina."

Fina grew silent for a minute. "Sorry."

"Ba't ka nagso-sorry?"

"Pinapagising kita ng maaga para lang samahan ako magsimba." She said. "Alam ko namang hindi ka morning person."

"Well, malakas ka sakin eh."

We laughed and made our way to a nearby restaurant.

I ordered some fried chicken while Fina asked for vegetables. I noticed she asked the waiter to not put too much salt in it.

"Di ka mahilig sa maalat?" I asked.

"Nope. Iniiwasan ko siya, as much as possible."

"Health freak ka pala?"

"Hindi naman," she smiled shyly at me.

I just stared at her eyes which looked slightly yellowish in the incandescent lights of the restaurant. I don't know how it happened because Fina seems the same but somehow she looks different. She looks so simple and yet today she looks somewhat pretty.

"Matunaw ako, sige ka." She noticed me.

"Ang ganda mo pala?"

"Hala ka, Jell. Ayos ka lang?" She touched my forehead as if to check my temperature. "Wala ka namang sakit, anong problema mo?"

I pouted at her. "Pinupuri ka na nga ayaw mo pa."

"Wag ka kasi ganyan. Di bagay sayo eh."

"Panong di bagay?" I frowned. "Sa Manila kaya hinahabol-habol ng mga tao ang papuri ko tapos sayo tatanggihan mo lang?!"

"Wag ka nga kasing ganyan, Jell. Di bagay sayo."

"Panong di bagay?" I repeated.

"Ikaw kasi yung tipo ng tao na sanay sa mga papuri kaya di bagay pag ikaw yung namuri." Fina exclaimed.

"Ouch."

Fina just shrugged and our orders came. I noticed that the boy waiter smiled at Fina like they knew each other so when he got out of earshot I leaned in on Fina and whispered to her ear.

"Kilala mo ba yun?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Sino yun?"

"Ex-boyfriend ko."

I leaned away and stared at Fina, openmouthed.

Okay, maybe I did assume Fina is straight but heck, it never occurred to me that she had any past relationships. She looks so innocent, so pure that the idea of her being with someone is just ridiculous. It'll be like babysitting this calmly childlike person.

Fina suddenly burst out laughing.

"Hoy! Makatawa ka jan?!"

"Naniwala ka talaga dun?"

"Bakit hindi?"

"Di ko boyfriend yun!" She answered in between laughs. "Vice President yun ng student government namin sa high school. Parents niya may-ari nitong restaurant kaya tumutulong siya pag bakasyon."

I faked a laugh, somehow relieved that the waiter wasn't her ex.

"So, since nasa topic narin tayo ng exes. Nakailan ka na?" I ask.

"Wala pa." She answered immediately.

"Kahit isa?"

"Nope. None at all." She smiled. "Ikaw, nakailan ka na?"

"Ilang ano?"

"Boyfriends?"

"Wala." I answered. "Although I did have a few suitors before I came out of the closet. But yeah, I never answered any of them."

Fina nodded. "Eh girlfriends, nakailan ka na?"

"That's a hard question." I chuckle.

"Madali lang yun noh!" Fina argued. "Seryoso nga, Jell. Naka-ilang GF ka na?"

"Twenty something..."

"Anong twenty something?! Walang exact number?"

"Di ko na natrack eh." I shrugged. "But heck, even if I did keep track of their number, madami pa rin sila!"

Fina pouted. "Alam mo, gusto kong isipin na masama kang tao kasi you're materializing women. You can get one and discard one pag nagsawa ka na. Pero hindi ko magawa kasi mabait ka naman sakin."

"Minsan, hindi lahat ng nakikita mo ay totoo." I just said. "Masama akong tao, Fina. Dapat nga nilalayuan mo ako eh. Hindi natin alam kung anong pwede kong magawa sayo."

The memory--or better yet, the imagination of the kiss flashed again in my mind.

"Pero ayokong layuan ka. Saka may tiwala naman akong hindi mo ako sasaktan eh." Fina returned.

"Napaka-matiwalang tao mo nga pala talaga." I smiled. "Para kang si Snow White na tumanggap nalang ng mansanas sa isang pangit at huklubang mangkukulam."

"Wow, kilala mo pala si Snow White!" Fina exclaimed, looking teasingly surprised.

"Anong akala mo sakin, walang childhood? Oo, naman syempre!" I defended. "Napanuod ko lahat ng Disney movies kasama ang mga kapatid at pinsan ko."

"Anong favorite mo?" She asked.

"Mulan," I answered, taking a sip of water. "Ikaw?"

"Sleeping Beauty."

"Corny naman nun." I muttered.

"Anong corny dun?"

"The prince does everything. It shows the stereotype that men are stronger than women. Same goes for Snow White and the others."

"Kaya ba favorite mo ang Mulan kasi ipinakita dun na may kalakasan din ang babae?" Fina snickered. "May pagka-feminist ka pala?"

"May masama ba dun?"

"Wala naman. Hindi ko naman kasi favorite ang Sleeping Beauty for any petty reasons."

"Oh, eh bakit mo pala favorite yun?"

"Gusto ko ng ganun."

"Anong ganun?" I asked, curious.

Fina just smiled at me. "Secret ko na lang muna yun."

"Hala, andaya naman!" I complained. "Sige na, sabihin mo na kasi!"

"You'll know about it in time. For now, kumain ka muna." Fina winked at me and continued eating her food. And I just sat there, wondering about what could she possibly want to happen to her that happened in the animated movie, Sleeping Beauty.