"Y/N!"

You heard a soft, rushing noise...

"Y/N!"

No, it wasn't that soft actually...

"Y-/-N!!"

O shit, this was Namjoon shouting. Wait a minute... He was shouting at... you?! O SHIT. O SHIT O SHIT.

You startled awake, immediately jumping out of bed in what seemed like a hasty, half-done reflex.

"W-w-what's wrong? Namjoon? Why are you SCREAMING at me?" You managed to throw out of your throat. Your pajamas were all wrinkled and you probably looked half-dead but that wasn't really the biggest problem here at this moment.

"Dear y/n, I don't mean to surprise you or anything, but you've got a shoot today, remember? Maybe it would leave a good first impression if you happened to at least be there on time?"

You had set your alarm, right? Right?! O, you sure didn't. You had planned on setting it when you'd be finished writing in your diary, but why didn't you finish? O right, you had kind of a huge breakdown last night. Right. And now you had to do a shoot for sportswear. And for sportswear, you had to look sporty of course. And confident. How does one appear confident again? You felt your eyes getting watery all over again, but Namjoon spoke to you again:

"Ehm, are you listening? Why are you so white? A-are you alright?" He looked upset and made his eyes meet yours. He made his right hand lean on your left shoulder, with the intention to calm you down a bit probably.

"Yes sir! Sorry to make you worry about me, I'll go get dressed properly now. Er... I'll be at breakfast in a minute okay?" You rushed to the bathroom and left Joon there, looking even more astonished than half a minute ago. He didn't run after you, he just kind of stood there, letting you be. He was observing you. Little did you know, this boy's senses were highly sensitive. He could almost read your mind when it came to your mood and feelings. But who would expect such a thing from a rap monster?

Breakfast was kind of good, but you didn't taste as much as you'd normally did. The boys were chatting happily about Jimin's concept for a new m/v but you didn't register any of the information, it simply passed you by and left you right after that. A girl from BigHit's staff came into the room and asked you to come with her. She had her dark hair in a high ponytail and the hairstyle looked incredibly good on her. She was gorgeous. She informed you the photographer had prepared a special location outside where you'd be shooting today. You slowly stood up from your seat while leaving your plate on the table. Jin winked at you, signing to you with his silly gestures he'd clean up after you and you did a heart sign back. Namjoon stared grumpily at Jinnie, but you weren't able to see that since you were too busy staring at the floor. Where this sudden attack of depression and insecurity came from was partly unclear to you, but for now, you had to deal with this. Even if there was a shoot coming up. You flexed your arm muscles, moved your shoulders up and made your head face the staff person again. Okay, you were ready and you were going to fight today, no withdrawal.

"Wait a minute Nari" Namjoon stood up to and walked up to stand next to you. Hmm, the girl was named Nari then, sounds cute, you thought. The fact that this girl had probably known Moni for a long time made you a little bit jealous.

"I'll be going with her, to guide her a bit since this is her first job." Joon spoke confidently. The other boys looked surprised in your direction, but that was the least of your worries right now.

Things got arranged and Joon was given permission to join you on the job. He grabbed your hand as soon as you left the building and stepped into a shining black car. The inside had a light, leather seating which made it look really stylish and modern. The windows were dark and you couldn't see who'd be sitting in the car from the outside. You felt like a celebrity as soon as you entered, Namjoons hand in yours boosted this feeling and all of that made you feel a bit confident and calm for the first time today. It felt like you were like him, calm, composed, full of talent and ready to slay (sorry I had to since Joon is slaying all day every day

Namjoon didn't move his hand one inch away from yours which made the feeling last longer, and any bit longer was all you needed right now. After 15 minutes or so, the car stopped and the driver opened the door for both of you. You stepped outside and were blinded by the light for a bit. The sky was clear, no clouds to be seen. Before you, there was a beautiful lake, you could stroll around it or walk the dog perfectly there. Surrounding you and the lake, there was a forest-like environment, not too densely forested but just right. The green and blue colors were overflowing and you calmed down a bit more. What ruined this beautiful moment were your legs, shaking like there would be no tomorrow.

The photographer was a nice guy, he proposed to take some action photo's first. He made you run around on a bridge and you had to climb into some trees. It wasn't all that hard though, you only had to run for a couple of minutes and the trees weren't all that high. After all of this the man came up to you: "Y/n, I sincerely apologize for not having mentioned this before getting to the actual shoot, but I want some pictures of you in our swimwear, in the lake."

Your eyes widened, heart began beating faster, and you were starting to shake uncontrollably. FUUUUUUUu-

"Ehm... I can try..."

"Perfect!"

You slowly walked to an improvised dressing room, there was only one swimsuit in there, so you wouldn't need to change all the time but the moment you took off your shirt, anxiety hit you.

"Ehm y/n? I'm sorry if it's awkward to you that I'm talking to you while you're getting changed but are you sure everything's alright?"

"Well, if I can be honest with you, I'm not alright at all" You told him.

"Tell me"

"Mkay... You see Joon, I'm really insecure about my body. I know every body is to be loved and everyone should love their own body, but I can't, and showing it off is especially hard to me."

"For starters, y/n, you're not exactly 'showing it off' if that's what's bothering you, you simply were chosen as a model because you look good, it's not like you have to brag about your body, you're beautiful without trying already"

Your cheeks turned bright red.

"And maybe this isn't of any help to you, but I love the way you look. Doesn't matter to me what you think of your body, I love it the way it is. O god, I hope I don't sound like a creep right now, sorry"

Your eyes were filled with tears before you knew it and you decided to accept it all for once. Because of the "O shit I must sound like a creep" part you burst out laughing too, throwing out all of this stress at once.

"Thank you, thank you so much Namjoon."

You heard a voice in your head: "Today. We. Fight."

- your sheep