Status:w̸̧̧̝̺͉̜̖̯͙̥̝̻̻͉̬̠̐̈́͒̂̽̀͌̏̆̿̽̒̈̊̏͗́͛̒̃̃̕͝ȃ̶̢̨̨͙̥͉͍̤͇͙̰̮͖͎̙̰̯̼̖͔̊̓̒͒́̐͑̆̚ķ̸̦̟̗͕̙̭͇̖̜̅͐͗̈̈́̐̾̐̾̈́͋̉̏̓͊́͊̋̃͛̈́̈̑͜ȩ̶͎͙̝̤̰̲͍͍̝̠́̊̐̀̾̂̋͛̀̾ ̴͈͈͈̈́̎ų̵̛͖̥͖͖̠̭̙̰̹͎̖̣͚͈͍̖͊̉͒̈̍̓̿̆̍̉͗̃̋̑̚̕͜ͅp̷̩͓̮̋̈́̎̃̋͘ ̶̡̡͓̫̣̫̗͕̦̭̝̈́̈́̊͒̽͜͜͠͝w̵̡̝̳̜͖̠̻̰̩͐̔͘͝ͅá̷̡̨̮̼̲̣̯̲̩̭̘̤̼̹͓̼̙̔́͒̃́̏̅̎̽́̃̽̐́̃͗̕̚̕͜͜͝͝ͅk̷̨̡̜̩̥̜͍̹̮̭̟̤͚̲̥̩̪̪̣͓͎̯̀̈́̅̄̏͐̔̓͐͑͆͜͜͝ȩ̴̛̻͎̥̝̣̬̺̲̥͈̲̭̤̹̱͗̿͒̇̿́͊̃̑̿̐̎̾͌̌͒̚͜͝ ̷͖̭̮̞̪͍̝͔̤͇̃͊̓͌̿ṵ̵̡̯͔̺̝͇̠̳̱̐̄̏͌͗̄̚ͅp̷̛͕̝̩̤͎̯̰̮̳͓̮̭̮̝͔͕̿͛̆̀̏̓́͂͊̈̚̚͜͝ͅͅ ̶͕̟̦̻͚͍̲̖̩̖͖̼̒́̓̐̊̽ͅͅẅ̶̨̡̦͔͈̤̦̬̳̬͍̝̰̬̠̼͕̗́̈́͊̑a̸͓̠̯̯͌̈̒̀̑k̶̟͂ę̶̨̨̨̭͉͙̗̞̜̩̗̝͖͖͚͓̩̯̜̈́̍́́̋̒̉̋̋͂̐̒̔̃́͒͂̌̐̚͝ ̸̢̢̨̨̹̗̣̥̱̫̦̖̮͙̳̝͔͈̲̪̮͚̤̄͆̓̌͗̑͒̐̆̀͛͊̉̈͋̌̿̂̚ự̴̙̤̹̗͇͚̣͎͙̊͐͐̍̇͂̔̾̊̈́̉͛̽̆̊͑̋̐̋͑̚͜͝͠p̷̛̻͓͕̗̝̱̭͖̀̿̂̆͆̈́͑͒̾̀̾̈́̈́͐

i didn't tell you this earlier, but when i woke up i was naked. i honestly didn't even notice at first, because i was so focused on just typing everything out as quickly as possible and then going back to sleep. i had to get back in there and help her. or slap her, i don't fucking know. i just had to go back in. so i didn't really pay attention to myself. i was just clacking away at my computer in the dark. i didn't notice the way the cold blue glow of my laptop screen bounced off my bare skin, skirting around the bruises that coated my abdomen and legs and hands.

it was the hands i noticed first. the broken fingernails lodged with dirt. the knuckles so dry that they'd bruised, stained purple and yellow overlaid with pink scales that threatened to crack open and bleed at any second. i studied them for a long moment in the low light, trying to figure out how they'd gotten so fucked up. it looked like i'd been clawing at a wall for hours.

or a road.

my head felt so heavy. i fumbled off the bed and cracked my door; watery light was struggling to push through the blinds now, signaling dawn, but the hallway was quiet. my roommate was still asleep. which was good, because i'd finally noticed the naked part. but i guess i didn't inspect myself hard enough. i didn't look at my chest as i made the short hop from my room across the hall and into the bathroom.

the bulb flickered and buzzed to life. i turned on the faucet, ran cold water over my hands. the raw skin burned, and i winced. god, i felt like shit. i looked up to the toothpaste-covered mirror on the medicine cabinet to see how wrecked i looked.

i found myself looking at the face of an albino jackrabbit with filmy red eyes. antlers sprouted from between the ears.

i screamed, but no sound came out. warm liquid burbled down my chest, out of the gaping hole in my sternum. i stumbled wildly, caught myself on the shower curtain and crashed into the bathtub. shampoo and soap bottles rained down on me. one struck my temple, and the world fuzzed out. when it came back to, my roommate was standing over me, and i could see his mouth moving. i heard him, as if through several layers of water, ask me if i was okay. he must've heard me crash. i didn't want him to see me like this.

i was sobbing. he held out a hand, and i took it; my nails were bit to the quick but clean, my knuckles smooth. the loose fabric of my gingham pants swished as he helped me stand.

"i had a bad dream," i sniffed. "sorry for the noise."

he said something else to me, but i still couldn't hear properly. i went to the kitchen and guzzled a glass of water, then threw it up in the sink.

he brought me a thermometer. i was running a fever, over 100F. i think he asked if i wanted to go to the doctor. i said no. he told me to sleep on the sofa, that he was going to call my mom. he brought me the comforter from my bed. it was strawberry patterned. i'd had it since i was in high school, and it was flimsy and lumpy and threadbare, but it smelled like my parents' house. i curled up on the sofa, which smelled like popcorn, while he turned on saturday morning cartoons for me.

something must be very wrong, i thought. "why do you even care about me?" i asked.

"what do you mean?" he asked, bending over me and patting my head like i was his kid. "we've been friends since we were like six. i don't like seeing you like this, Naomi. it's freaking me out. just try to get some rest and your mom will be here in a little while, okay?"

"okay," i said quietly.

i can't remember his name.

i'm trying so, so hard. but i just can't.

if you're reading this i'm sorry.

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