Thomas's POV

"Hey, Dad." I took off my jacket and lay it on the couch next to him. "Is Brad home today?"

Brad, my brother, worked most days at the county police department so I didn't get to see him as much as used to. And when he wasn't a work, he was with his girlfriend Sasha. We sort of had this unspoken arrangement when it came to my dad. Since he was ill, recovering from cancer, we always made sure someone was with him during the day.

While I was at school Brad would stay home with him. And if he had to work that day he would get Sasha to stand in for him and help out with my dad until he got home. The evening was my shift unless Sasha feels generous and stops in to give me a break.

"He's working," Dad said, covering him stoma to speak. His eyes were glued to the flat screen watching a baseball game on DISH. Since the decline of his health, his real enjoyment in life was the sports channels. We subscribed to them after it was clear he'd be spending a lot more time indoors and not enough time of doors. His was confined to a wheelchair now which made his daily activity a little more challenging without some help.

"Are you hungry? I can make us something to eat," I offered.

He shook his head. "Sasha made me a sandwich before she left and put a meatloaf in the fridge for dinner." He looked from the television to me. "She's something else. I'd like to think that if I ever had a daughter, she'd be just like Sasha."

I clapped him on the shoulder as I moved past him into the kitchen. "I know, Dad. I know."

I tried not to have prolonged conversations with him to prevent him from blocking his air tube to speak to me. I didn't know what the continuous side effects for that were so it paid to be cautious.

I pulled some ham and cheese from the fridge and made me a sandwich for lunch. After returning the things back to their place and grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry and carried them up to my room. I looked at the alarm clock when I entered. It was just after noon. I wasn't used to being home so early.

If it weren't for the water problem at the school, I'd still be there suffering along with everyone else until the bell rang. I suppose I was thankful for the interruption for more than one reason through. It got me out of class, but it also got me away from Olivia. After yesterday I couldn't bear to look at her yet. I didn't want to see the hatred on her face when she saw me.

I sat down at my desk and powered up my laptop as I finished up my lunch. I checked out a few of my favorite website and eventually made my way to Facebook. Sarah was already logged on when I signed in to my account.

She messaged me immediately.

Sarah: Hi.

Me: Hi. What's up?

Sarah: Bored... You?

Me: Just getting home. Where's your boyfriend?

Sarah: New York with his dad. Why are you alone?

Me: What makes you think I'm alone?

Sarah: Because I know you. If you had "company" you wouldn't be on here talking to me.

Me: ....

Sarah: Speechless. Uh oh...what's wrong?

Me: I need a distraction. Wanna come over?

I waited for a couple of minutes in silence for her reply wondering if she was about to turn me down when her reply finally came.

Sarah: /;-) Are you sure that's a good idea?

Me: It's always a good idea. ;)

Sarah: You're terrible. :D

Me: I wanna see you. Come over. We can...talk?

Sarah: Talk? Really? I'm not so sure I believe that.

Me: >-)

Sarah: I know that evil grin and I don't like it!

Me: Please? I'm giving you the puppy dog face.

Sarah: Not the face. Anything but the face.

Me: Gotta go. Front door is unlocked. Let yourself in. I'm in my room.

I logged off before she could change her mind and tell me she wasn't coming. I checked my phone a couple of times after I shutdown my computer and there was on messages from her so I took it as definite sign she was coming over.

Sarah and I's relationship was a complicated one at best. We'd been friends since middle school. It all started after she became my girlfriend in eighth grade. We lost our virginities to each other, broke up and yet somehow managed to stay friends.

The friendship was beneficial to the both of us. When we wanted something easy and unattached we knew where to get it. We also went through stages of keeping it purely platonic but in the end something would always happen, something at home, stress, a bad day, or just being lonely, and we'd always find our way back to each other in that way again.

No matter what we ever were to each other, we were always each other's constants. That was all that really mattered to me.

Thirty minutes later Sarah was at my bedroom door knocking before letting herself in. I was lying on my back on the bottom of the bed with my legs dangling at the end. She smiled when she saw me.

"This is worse than I thought," she teased. "It's like ninth grade all over again. Who broke your heart this time?"

I rolled my eyes and picked up a pillow and threw it at her. "Shut up. And that was you who was broken, not me."

She caught it between her hands and shrugged. "And you were there for me. Wanna talk about you this time?" She walked to the bed until she was standing directly in front of me. Her knees barely touched mine. She tossed the pillow back on the bed above my head. "Why did you call me here, Thomas?"

Without any warning I lifted myself up and grabbing one of her arms, pulled her down on top of me. With as gasped she landed on my chest and giggled. "You asshole. Thanks for that." She playfully slapped my chest and tried to roll off of me, but my arm wrapped around her waist stopped her from going anywhere. "Thomas, let me go," she protested.

"No."

She laughed again. "I'm serious. "

"Kiss me first."

She pretended to think about it then answered. "No."

"Come on. Just like old times."

She dropped her head to me chest and rested her forehead above my heart. "I knew this was a bad idea." She said quietly to herself. I heard her though. Then a little louder she said, "I have a boyfriend, remember?"

I kissed the top of her head and grinned. "As if that's ever stopped you."

Her head rose and she slapped my chest again. "That was a long time ago. I'm trying to be better now."

"Being better is overrated."

"Like you've ever tried," she said. "And beside's I don't want to be "that girl" anymore. No one liked her."

I chuckled. "I did. She was a lot of fun."

She pushed herself up and looked at me incredulously. "That doesn't mean much coming from you."

"Babe, come on. No one will ever know."

She finally relaxed and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. "Now, where have I heard that before?" Her head lowered and she pressed a warm kiss to my lips. "There. You got your kiss."

I pulled her back down to me and kissed her again and she let me. My lips parted hers and our tongues connected in one heated motion. Her hands found there was into my hair and then back down to my shoulders. I reached down to the hem of her shirt and tugged it up a little at a time. Once it was half way up on her stomach she broke the kiss and looked at me.

"What now?" I asked her a bit impatiently.

She shook her head and pushed herself completely off of me now, pulling the shirt out of my hands. She sat down and occupied the space next to me on the bed.

"You can't solve all your problems this way. And I can't be your distraction anymore. You know that." Her voice was soft and matched her features. "Tell me what' wrong. Is it a girl, Olivia?"

I sat up and leaned back on my arms. "I really don't want to talk about it."

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. "Well tough. I came all the way over here and wasn't just to sleep with you."

"Then way did you come over?"

She sighed and threw her hands up. "Because I could tell there was something wrong. And believe it or not you mean more to me than just sex. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Fine," I said. "She hates me, okay? I got scared and screwed things up royally. It can't be undone. She wants me to say away from her."

"She said that?"

"Basically." Maybe not exactly those words, but I could read between the lines.

Sarah looked at me sadly and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "You know what this is, right? This is typical Thomas self-destructive behavior. Just when things start to go good for you, you always find a way to mess it up."

"Are you going to give me a psychology lesson?"

"No because you already know why you do what you do. I'm the one who doesn't understand."

"I already told you," I began.

"I know. I know. It's your dad's cancer and your mom's abandonment of the two of you. But Thomas, you can't punish yourself for those things. I understand you have a resentment towards her, which ultimately leads to your mistreatment of women, but it's not anyone else's fault. And as far as your dad goes, you can't choose to be unhappy just because everything he's been through. You know he doesn't want that for you and he doesn't deserve to see that. He you wants you to be happy."

"But why should I be happy when he has to suffer? My mom left him shortly after he was diagnosed and he was left with two kids to take care of alone."

"Yeah, she's a shitty person, I get that. But are you really going to let her win? If she's the real reason for this self-destructive behavior than she's already won and that sucks. Please don't let her. She's took enough from you guys." She was rubbing soothing circles on my back and her head was on my shoulder. "You deserve better. Your dad deserves better. The girls you use deserve better." She paused a minute then smiled. "Well, most of them anyway."

I looked down at her and grinned. "You're so bad."

She shrugged. "I know."

We shared a short silence between us before she spoke again. She dropped her hand from my back and sat up strait so that she could look me directly in the eyes, her hand resting on mine by my sides.

"You're a good person. I can see the good in you. Maybe it's time someone else saw it too." She squeezed my hand. "And you need to realize that every relationship will not turn our like your parent's and every girl is not your mom."

A warm breeze blew through the open window across the room and I closed my eyes to breathe it in. It relaxed me.

"When did you become so insightful?" I asked her, and I meant it.

She laughed and shrugged. "Maybe I always have been and you never noticed it."

Words couldn't explain how right she was. "Maybe you're right. It seems I've been oblivious about a lot of things where it concerns us. Why did you ever get mixed up with me?"

I meant it as a joke, but I was a little curious of her answer.

"Trust me, our relationship was equally beneficial. And we both had-" She paused to correct herself. "...have our flaws, and we accept each other in spite of them."

"Yeah," I said. "But I'm under no illusions about why our 'benefits' ended. I did something wrong. I had one mother of all flaws; commitment."

She didn't say anything, only let go of my hand and stood up. She took a lingering look around my bedroom before wondering about, touching things as she went with the brush of her hand.

"I know I couldn't give you want you wanted," I admitted. "I know it's the reason we stopped."

She picked up a Sports Illustrated magazine off my desk that belonged to my dad and looked at the cover. She wasn't particularly interested in the mentioned articles on the front; it was just something to hide her face behind.

"I didn't mean to have feelings for her." The words slipped out of my mouth uncontrollably and I couldn't stop them. Nor did I want to. We needed to have this conversation eventually. Sarah deserved to hear it. Avoiding it would never make things any better.

"Olivia," she said, laying down the magazine. "I know."

Olivia wasn't a topic Sarah spent much time talking about. Sarah liked her alright, but she couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt her that I harbored unspoken feelings for another girl that she hoped I would eventually to have for her.

"That's the thing about feelings," she added. "They just sort of sneak up on you sometimes."

I glanced down at my hands. "Yeah, I guess they do." I tried to get my thoughts together before we continued our conversation, making sure I didn't say anything that would unintentionally hurt her. I wasn't very good in delicate situations and often failed at it being sensitive. But for Sarah, I would try. "I'm really sorry I couldn't have those feelings for you. I know that's what you've wanted for a while, what you've been waiting for. You thought our break from each other, from we've always counted on from each other, would make me realize what I've been missing and I'd realize my feelings for you, but in reality it had the opposite effect. I met someone else."

Sarah nodded clasped her hands in front of her as she leaned against the nearest wall to me. "And I did too." She gave a silent laugh, lightly shaking her shoulders as she did. "Who would have believed it, huh, both of us falling for someone that wasn't each other. It's kind of of miracle if you think about it that way. We were just two people who thought they were too messed up or bitter to accept love, but here we are."

Love. The word caught me off guard. "You're in love?"

She blushed. "Yeah, I mean I think I am. Lucas is different. He saw the best in me just like I saw in you. It's rare to find someone who knows you so well on the inside, accepts for everything you are."

"Yeah." I thought of Olivia, who knew exactly how I was and what to expect from me and she still put with me. She tried to push me on many occasion and I did everything to annoy her and push her away, with my behavior and she still kept giving chance after chance to show her who I was really was and I never did. And now when I realize what I have really lost, it's probably too late. "Maybe we don't deserve them. Maybe they are too good for us," I said absently.

"We deserve them if they believe we do," she said confidently. "But we also have to believe it too or else we will never truly feel worth of them or we'll spend our entire relationships trying to live up to them and we'll end up resenting them for it."

I watched her tuck a long stray hair behind her ear. She smiled when she caught me looking at her. Her long eyelashes sweeping her cheekbones as she blinked, waiting for me to say something. She was very beautiful, inside and out, and she deserved someone who knew that and appreciated it.

"Sarah," I asked curiously. "What what would you have done if I called you here to get back together, to tell you everything you wanted to hear?"

She giggled. "I would say...thanks, but you're too late. I love someone else."

I laughed too. "You wouldn't! You'd really say thanks? That's like a verbal slap in the face after someone just confessed their feelings for you."

"And then I would say you shouldn't have waited so long to tell me and it's very selfish to tell someone that after they already have a boyfriend." She walked back to the bed and sat down beside me. She bumped me shoulder with hers. "Got that?"

"I guess its good I didn't tell you that then." I bumped her back.

"Damn straight." And she laughed.

Sarah stayed until dark and when she started to leave, I stopped her. She knew what I was going to ask and sighed, falling back first on my bed.

"So you'll stay?" I asked her.

"Tonight yes, but it's the last time. And this is a platonic sleepover. We're still friends and always will be, but once you work things out with Olivia, you better not screw it up. You'll be the boyfriend she deserves. Am I clear?"

I smiled. "We'll see. I doing this one step at a time. You can't change years of habit all in one night. You helped me, but I'm still only human."

"Then you'll try harder," she said. "You're only allowed so many chances by someone before there are no more left to give." She looked at the clock and yawned. "Come on. Let's go to sleep. "It's twelve-thirty and we have school tomorrow. We can talk more about this later if you want to, but tonight I'm sleeping and so are you."

Olivia's POV

I couldn't decide if today was a good day or a bad one. I suppose it was a little of both. School was dismissed after first period this morning due to unforeseen water problems, but I also had to pick my sister up from the middle school and babysit her until Aunt Anita got home. I figured it was better to spend the day at the park with her instead of at home in such closed spaces. It was too much temptation to kill her there. It's best to stick to public places and save myself from prison.

I suppose it could be worse though. I could've had to watch Cody too, but he got permission from Anita to spend the day at a friend's so I was one kid short. Though, I'd happily trade Cynthia for Cody any day.

The air was unusually warm for an October day and it was beautiful with the colored leaves falling from the trees to the ground. It was a day splashed with red, orange, yellow and green. Farrah and I each occupied a swing as we watched on while kids played. Most of them were younger than five, only a few of them were older than that. Cynthia found them first.

"This sucks. We've been here for an hour and it feels like two," I said.

"Yeah, it's been painfully long. I could be with Brody right now," she said with feigned annoyance.

Thanks to Farrah I didn't have to suffer the hour alone. After some begging on my part she had agreed to come and meet up with Brody later. To me that's a friend. Even though she had a boyfriend that didn't stop her from fulfilling her best friend obligations.

"I know," I said. "Thanks again for coming with me."

"I'm just curious, why didn't you ask Thomas to come with you?" she asked me. I had to work to hide the flinch I had from hearing his name. I had hoped I could get through the entire day without thinking about him, but I guess I was just fooling myself into thinking it was possible.

"The last time we saw each other it ended in a fight. We're kind of taking a break from each other right now," I admitted.

Farrah looked guilty."I'm sorry. I didn't even know anything was wrong."

I shrugged. It wasn't her fault. I hadn't even told her. I hadn't told anyone.

"You two certainly hit it off fast. You know since you two barely even knew each other," she stated.

"I wouldn't say that," I said. "We knew each other a little better than 'barely'," I said.

"You did?" She said. He surprise was obvious.

"Yeah, he is my partner in Food1. Remember me telling you that I accidentally spilled tomato sauce all over my new shirt and ended up wearing a guy's shirt all day," I explained

She nodded. "That was Thomas?"

Her surprise made me smile. I forgot she didn't have a clue."We cook together."

She stared at me for a moment then smirked. "Well, you know what they say. A couple that cooks together, stays together. Why didn't you mention it before?"