"Now let's practise your poker face," mom slid the cards across the table towards me.

I scooped them up, they were the worst cards you could possibly have, I felt my face slip already before I could stop it.

"Oops," I shook my head and glanced up at mom embarrassed, she had a slight smile on her lips though.

"Now when you get a bad hand Cara you can choose one of three options, number one you bluff, you pretend you have a brilliant hand, you smile like you've just been handed a royal flush. Option two, you do a double bluff, act really disappointed so that they think you're bluffing and that you have a good hand. But both of those can be risky, opponents are often good at reading faces so your best option is number three, the poker face. You have to perfect the look where you reveal nothing. Now let's try again," mum shuffled her pack and dealt me several random cards.

I picked them up and tried to keep my face utterly unbothered about the cards in my hand. Then I glanced back at mom desperate for her approval.

"How was that?"

"Your eyes Cara," mum shook her head slightly and I felt my heart sink to my stomach, "I can read everything you're seeing in your eyes."

"Let me go again," I demanded, I wanted to make her proud.

"Okay," another shadow of a smile appeared in the corners of her mouth. She dealt me another hand, "remember to remain expressionless."

"I will," I agreed solemnly. When I picked up another hand I forced myself to keep my whole face completely blank.

"You're trying too hard now, it's obvious you're trying to hide something, make it seem natural," mum kept her voice gentle but I could hear her disappointment. She'd hoped I'd be a natural like her, she could try to hide it but I knew it. My heart sank to my toes.

"Again," I instructed.

We kept it up all night, her dealing me cards, me keeping my face blank and unreadable, her correcting me and my heart sinking further and further into the ground. Even when mom called my poker face 'sufficient' at 4am I insisted that we had to continue until I properly perfected it.

I didn't want to be a card player, I didn't care about the poker face one bit, all I wanted was for her to smile at me in the way that made you feel like the most special person in the world.

Eventually I did get that smile that could bring my heart up from its lodgings in the centre of the earth back to my heart. And along with it I achieved the perfect poker face.

***

Apparently, I'd passed out in Mitch's arms in Ainsley's parking lot, though I no recollection of this. Apparently, the boys had taken me back in their car, for the second time in seven days. Apparently, they'd got me to my bed which I woke up in this morning oblivious to how I got there. I expected them to question me, it was inevitable and they deserved answers, but I was unable to give them.

My hands were tied in a tight knot over protecting them or alienating them. If I told them I was putting them in eminent danger because now I knew he was having someone tail me there was no way he wouldn't find out, he always did. But if I didn't tell them I risked losing them, having to always keep an eye on me was going to get old soon. I was a burden for them and I knew it even if they didn't.

So I laid on my poker face as they settled themselves around my room. Mitchell on my desk chair, Nico on the floor with his legs stretched out, Sawyer sat against the wall knees tucked up to his chest and Grey leaning his back on the door arms crossed tightly. All their faces held the similar expressions of concern laced with confusion. I sat on my bed surveying them feeling like the offender in a court case.

I wondered what my sentence would be.

"What happened last night?" Mitch was the first to ask, he was the mouthpiece for all the others thoughts.

I opened my mouth, "don't say nothing, because fainting isn't nothing," Grey cut me off before I'd even started. I closed my mouth and rethought my sentence wanting it to be perfect.

"It just got too much," I sighed, I already knew that wasn't going to be enough.

"Bullshit," Grey shook his head in disdain. The forceful tone of his voice made me flinch back.

"Cara, what's going on?" Sawyer's voice was so much calmer.

I let my eyes roam over each of them, their faces turned upwards towards me. They deserved so much better than me yet here they were in my room waiting to help me. I met Sawyers encouraging eyes and heard his words ringing in my head,

"If you let us in we want to help you too."

But I was scared my poker face was so perfect that even if I tried to budge it I would never fully be able to reveal the real me beneath it.

"My life in Vegas," I started carefully pondering each specific word choice, "it wasn't exactly conventional, mom played cards and gambled. Our life was dependant on her winning, we lived in hundreds of casinos and hotels, changing from place to place all the time. They weren't the best places to meet the most trustworthy people. What in trying to say, is that I've seen some things, I've heard things that stick with me. I know this is a shitty explanation but it's the best I've got right now."

"What kinds of people?" Nico pursued.

"Bad people," I shook my head slightly, surprised at his question, out of all the questions I'd expected them to ask, "people who only care about winning whatever the cost."

"I'm sorry," Sawyer announced suddenly in his permanently soothing voice.

"Why?"

"That you had to live like that, it must have been hard."

"It wasn't that bad, other people have it so much worse," I shrugged.

"Still," Sawyer smiled with his eyes, "I'm sorry."

"You're not telling us something," Grey wrenched my gaze from Sawyer, "what are you hiding Cara?"

"Umm," I stammered, he was so aggressive, I could feel the irritation radiating off him from across the room.

"Calm down Grey," Mitch chastised.

"We deserve to know," Grey's eyes became thunderclouds that cracked with lightning, showering me with rain.

"Do you?" his anger seemed to be infectious because I must have breathed it in and now I was producing steam, "because none of you are exactly open with me either, what do I actually know about any of you? I don't know what your real issue is with your stepdad Grey?" he flinched ever to slightly, "or about your parents Sawyer?" he darted his eyes away from mine, "or why your mom wasn't at parents evening Nico?" Nico seemed to shrink two sizes smaller, "or why you hate your parents so much Mitch?" he shifted uncomfortably, "we all have things we don't openly share so I don't see why you're getting so angry. Sure I'm not telling you the whole truth, but I've given you something which is sure as hell more than you've given me. Can that not be enough?"

Silence.

A stunned, shocked silence winding its way through the air and touching each of the boys faces. The Silent Boys. Never had the name suited them more.

They looked startled that I'd noticed so much about them and I even thought I saw a pinch of guilt in Grey's expression. Though I hadn't meant to be so aggressive and was a bit overdramatic I knew all the boys could see the truth between my words.

Mitch was the one to finally break the silence, his voice was empty of emotion when he stated, "my mom and dad both compulsively cheat on each other but won't get a divorce."

A beat before Nico contributed, "my moms dead, since I was eleven."

"Adopted when I was eight," Sawyer's voice was softer than a feather falling through the air.

"My stepdad only lets me see my half brothers in return for favours for him," Grey added sullenly.

"Thank you," I smiled gratefully, "for sharing with me."

"Of course," Sawyer nodded quickly, "you shared with us, it's only fair."

I couldn't help the smile that tugged up my lips and the way my heart swelled to fill up the entire space of my chest.

There in that room, I was at home.