Who was Jackson?

If I knew the answer to that I would be in a better place to explain it. Jackson was indescribable, you had to know him to understand him. And he was known by very few so he was often misunderstood. He was elusive and smart, smarter than most which aggravated some people who envied him. He was a reclusive person, someone who chose to be alone though he could've had his pick from hundreds of friends. That was what made him picking me so special.

I was the one he let in.

And he was the one I let in.

"How do you know about Jackson?" The only person I'd mentioned him to was Mina and I knew for sure she wouldn't have told anyone.

"You mentioned his name, last week when you were passed out drunk and after the football match when you fainted. Sometimes in the night you scream it," Grey informed me gravely.

I felt my body flush from head to foot in humiliation. Was I that pathetic? Was that really the name I cried out when I felt so alone?

I glanced around at each of their faces trying to determine each of their thoughts. All of them had their eyes fixed on something else in the room as to not meet mine. Mitchell was glaring daggers at Grey, furious at him for bringing the topic up. So they all knew but none of them had said anything? They had just wondered behind my back.

"Jackson is an ex-boyfriend," it was the simplest answer to a complicated question.

"Is that it?" All their faces were full of expectation now.

"That's who he was," I shrugged. I'd answered the question, my job was done. "Nico your turn."

"Truth," his voice was solemn all of a sudden, the whole room was clouded by a seriousness that had infiltrated the room without us giving it permission to.

"Why don't you get on with your dad?"

"Who says I don't," the twinkle in his eye dimmed a little.

"I saw you together at parents evening Nico," I shot him a pointed look.

"We just clash," Nico shrugged like it was no big deal, "I'm not as bothered about academics as my older siblings, I don't want to be a doctor or mathematician or banker and he can't accept that."

"I understand," I nodded, I would never be the brilliant mastermind my mom was, I wasn't the poker playing prodigy she'd always dreamed of having.

But Nico wasn't revealing everything, like so many of us he was only giving half of the truth. Concealing the real reason behind a truthful but excuse of a reason.

"Your go, truth or dare," his face brightened a little.

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss your darer," a huge pause for dramatic effect. My heart skipped for a moment, was he seriously asking me to kiss him? All the other boys in the room were visibly tense and Mitch already had his mouth open to object. "On the cheek."

The relief came rushing out of me in a snort-like-laugh. The mischievous grin had found its way back to Nico's cheeks causing his dimples to deepen and skin to flush with pink humour.

In a distinctly noticeable silence loaded with tension I leaned across the circle to give Nico the tiniest peck on the cheek before falling back into my designated pillow.

"Mitch?" I had to break the silence before it got too heavy and uncomfortable. I tried to meet his eye but his gaze was still on something in the distance.

"Truth?"

"What happened with you and that Ainsley High girl?" This was as good a time as any to ask.

"How do you know about that?" His brow furrowed and his face aged with a growing concern.

"Rumours?" I lied with a shrug. It wasn't my turn to tell the truth.

"It was so stupid," Mitch shook his head, "we went out a couple of times and she was nice enough but she kept wanting more, she wanted to come here which is against the rules and she wanted to shove our relationship in everyone's faces. She wanted to make this other guy jealous or something I don't know. It was just a lot very fast so I asked to her if we could things down and she took that as me rejecting her. To say she went mad would be an understatement."

"That girl was psycho," Nico agreed.

"She told her brother and his gang or whatever they are that I cheated on her and emotionally blackmailed her or something. She made up this whole twisted story that couldn't have been further from the truth. I tried to talk to her and the gang to explain myself but they wouldn't even hear me out. The whole thing got blown way out of proportion and now whenever that gang see me they always threaten me and tell the Kings Bridge boys to stay off their area or some bullshit," Mitch gave a tired sigh.

"She sounds horrible," I fumed for him.

Now I felt so awful for ever doubting him, for thinking that he could ever hurt anyone. Mitchell wasn't like that and I should've seen that, just like he always saw the best in me.

"Not horrible," Mitch was defending her now, he was too nice for his own good, "I feel bad for her really, that she felt she had to make up a story to cover up the fact I may have rejected her."

"Still a psycho," Nico rebutted.

"Cara truth or dare," Mitch deftly swung the topic away from him.

"Truth."

"How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Two."

"Who?"

"That wasn't party of your question," I rejected with an innocent smile, "sorry only one question allowed."

"Says who?" Mitch demanded.

"The truth or dare handbook," I teased.

"Seriously," Mitch laughed deeply his voice vibrating though the walks.

"Deadly serious," I nodded, "Sawyer your go."

"Truth," he replied solemnly.

"Who was the last person you kissed?"

"Rachel at summer camp," he replied slowly but his tone held little affection, she clearly wasn't someone he'd kept in contact with. I hated that my skin grew warm at that idea. "Cara?"

"Truth."

"Cara," he paused for a moment considering his question carefully, "have you ever been in love?"

Jesus. That just got deep.

"Yes," I didn't even have to think about my answer. I knew it as well as I knew my own body, I had been hopelessly, uncontrollably, deeply in love. I had been so buried in love I'd been blinded by it.

"With who?" Nico jutted in unable to help himself.

I gave him only silence as my answer, that wasn't part of the question.

"Grey," my final victim.

"Truth," it seemed this game had turned into simply truth rather than truth or dare. The atmosphere in the room was much too cold for that.

"How many girlfriends have you had?"

"Real or fake?" He posed.

"What?"

"Two real, five fake, whoever my stepdad choses for me to turn up to one of his fancy events with," he shrugged nonchalantly like having fake girlfriends was no big deal. At least when I'd been in love I knew it was real.

"Truth or dare Cara?"

That seemed to be the question of the night. Would I pick dare or face the truth?

"Truth."

"Are you still in love?" He asked it without hesitation, without having to think about it. And with one simple question he brought out one of my greatest fears without even knowing he was doing it.

Was I still in love? I didn't know, I'd forgotten what it felt like to not be in love. I was so consumed by it, it had become such a part of me I'd forgotten to notice if it was still there. Maybe not to the full extent it once was but it was so much a part of me there would be no way to free myself of it completely. It was an incurable disease the doctors could only reduce but never kill. It was a tree with its roots so deep and so wide you could never pull it out. Was love a part of me or had I become a part of love?

"I don't know," it was the truth. I didn't know. I knew that I shouldn't be but I also knew that I couldn't let go.

"I vote we play another game," Nico sliced across the increasingly painful silence.

"Or a film," I latched onto his idea too eagerly and they all knew it.

"What's that?" Sawyer's question drew my eyes to his. He was staring right at my arm where my nails where unconsciously stroking the pale scar that marred my skin.

"Nothing," I shrugged, "I fell through a cat flap when I was younger and scratched right the way up my arm," I lied effortlessly and easily. It was a pre planned lie, carefully constructed to seem real. It had backstory and was detailed but not overly so. An odd story that was too unusual to make up so must be real. The final touch, pulling up my sleeve to reveal the scar, make it seem like you're not hiding anything about it. "Don't you dare laugh at me for falling through a cat flap Nico," I warned.

"I wasn't going to," Nico sniggered.

They bought the lie, everyone had because I was so rehearsed and practised at telling it.

"How about you choose a film while I go to the bathroom," I leapt up, yanked my sleeve down and darted across the room in one swift motion, "and please don't choose an action."

I slipped inside and locked the bathroom door before any of them could reply. Then I leant back against the wood and sunk slowly to the hard ground. My fingers lingered like breaths on my scar.

I couldn't do this any more.