Mina walked into art on Monday with a face like thunder, her brow was furrowed so deeply I was worried her eyebrows might merge with her eyes. It felt wrong to see her angry, usually no one was more placid or optimistic than her. She shouldn't have a scowl on her quirky face, it just wasn't right.

"What's the matter?" I asked automatically as she sat down.

"Nothing," Mina snapped harshly as she slammed down into her seat her face a storm cloud about to burst into thunder and lightning. I flinched back ever so slightly from the vicious edge to her voice and Mina must have noticed because her face suddenly shifted from furious to ashamed so quickly I got whiplash, "oh my god, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to snap at you," she gushed clamping a hand over her mouth.

"It's fine," I waved away, "what's going on?"

"It's not fine," Mina shook her head at herself in annoyance, "I was just so angry and I took it out on you. I swear I never usually do that."

"Honestly Mina," I placed a hand on her arm, "it's already forgotten, I'm just worried about what could make you so angry."

"It's Connor," she admitted sadly.

I'd heard a lot about Connor over the past two months of knowing Mina. I learnt they'd been together eight months and had been friends for much longer. That he was one quarter Korean and one quarter Swedish. But most of all that Mina really, really liked him and as far as I could tell he was mad about her. He was always staring at her at lunch and occasionally seemingly without realising he would reach across the table and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and then it would dawn on him what he'd done and his face would immediately become swathed in pink. If anyone was crazy about each other it was them.

"What's happened?" I demanded and instantly felt scared as if it was my own relationship on the line not someone else's, I was that invested.

"It's stupid," Mina tucked her curly brown hair behind her ears then leaned forward to rest her chin in her hands thoughtfully, "it's just like this niggling feeling that I know doesn't really matter but I can't shrug it off."

"Talk to me," I encouraged, "talking to someone can help you figure it out."

"You're gonna think I'm over reacting," Mina eyed me carefully.

"I promise I won't," I swore, Mina wasn't usually the type to over react to things anyway.

"Connors older cousin just came to the college nearby and they're quite close so they like spending time together. Which obviously I'm fine with, his cousins a really nice guy but he keeps taking Connor out to all these college parties. I don't mind that either you know, he can't spend every second of the day with me, he can always do his own thing. My parents won't let me go to the parties so I'm willing to let him go and have fun, I want that for him. It's just I see photos on Facebook and he's got his arm around a girl or they're he's in the background of a photo talking to girl with their heads really close. And it's been more than once. I feel like I'm turning into a complete psycho girlfriend because whenever I see it I turn into a literal stalker and start going through the profiles of everyone at the party seeing if I can spot him in any photos. Please tell me I'm just being paranoid."

I pause for a moment letting her get her breath back after her great explosion of emotion. It takes me a second to process everything she said.

"I don't think you're over reacting at all," I reply honestly.

"Really?" Mina's eyes grow wide.

"Of course not, if he's hanging round with other girls that's not a problem but at parties where its girls who don't know he has a girlfriend and are drunk and it's dark he has to be careful," I say thoughtfully.

"Exactly!" Mina nods frantically, "it's like I feel like I'm being controlling which obviously I don't want to be but at the same time I hate seeing all those photos and seeing those girls smiling and staring at him."

"Have you said anything to him about it?"

"After the parties I always ask him how they were and he'll just go into a story about a guy who pulled everywhere or something. One time I asked him about a girl and he said he spoke to her for like two seconds and it was nothing," Mina's face twisted with concern as she wrung her fingers together.

"You should talk to him," I recommend, "tell him how you're feeling and give him a chance to explain himself while you explain yourself. Don't make it a big deal until it is one but be honest with him."

"You're right," Mina tilted her head to one side thoughtfully, "I should tell him but it's just scary you know, like what if he does admit something happened with one of those girls. I kind of just want to stay in the dark, you know?"

"Yes," I do know, "but you'll drive yourself crazy that way. And Connor really cares about you Mi, if he knew you were this upset he'd probably never go to another party."

"I guess," she bites her lip distractedly, "has anyone ever told you that you give great relationship advice. How do you know so much?"

"I don't," I shrug self consciously, how did the conversation switch to me, "it's just common sense I guess."

"Sure," Mina narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"So you will talk to him?" I confirmed making sure she was the one under scrutiny again.

"Yes," she sighed as if it would take all the effort in the world.

"You have to," I warned.

"I know, it's just ...," she paused.

"It's just what?"

"It's like, someone is your whole life, well not whole life but an important part of your life for ages and then suddenly that's in jeopardy and you almost can't remember what life was like before them. What did you do in your evenings before you hung around with them? Who did you call late at night before them? It scares me what a big part of my life he is but it scares me even more how afraid I am to lose him. I'm too young to feel this intensely right? I'm being ridiculous again?"

"No not at all," I shook my head quickly, "I understand you. It's like they became so vital to you and you only realise that in the moment you think you'll lose them. It's terrifying but you have to remember that if they're hurting you it's better not to have them in your life at all."

"I know," Mina nodded slightly but her eyes were zeroed in on me and were squinting slightly as if I was miles away and she was trying to make my shape out through blazing sunlight. She was trying to figure me out, I wished her the best of luck with that. She sighed suddenly, "you're a hard person to figure out Cara."

"It's something I take a lot of pride in," I said jokingly but it didn't quite come out right and fell flat between us.

"Okay," Mina said suddenly and decidedly, "I have an idea, you can say no if you want of course but do you a want to sleep over mine this weekend? We can just have girly talk, you must be going mad living with all those boys."

My mind was whirring, this was a friendship, a real sleepovers and gossiping and painting each other's nails kind of friendship. And it was being offered to me by someone outside my family who was a girl. An unstoppable grin spread across my face.

"I'd love to," I beamed, "but on one condition."

"Anything."

"You have to talk to Connor."

"I will," Mina agreed and then clapped her hands together like an excited three year old, "yay! Sleepover!"

I rolled my eyes and scowled but inside I was bursting out brilliantly spouts of sunlight.

***

Back at Kings Bridge that evening I was curled up in my bed reading when there was a knock at the door. I'd been less concentrated on my book and more concentrated in Mina's words about Connor and how losing someone important in your life was such s big deal. But the knock woke me from my reverie.

"Come in," I called. It must be my dad, all the boys seemed to be closed doors optional and usually just barged in not caring that I could be in a compromising position.

But it was Grey who stuck his head round the door and let his dark hair flop into the room.

"Hi," his eyes sizzled.

"Hey," I did a bad job of containing my surprise.

"Are you busy I can come back another ti..?" he began.

"No," I cut in a little too panicked, "I'm not busy but since when have you cared, this is boarding school remember?"

"Been here for two seconds and thinks she knows everything," Grey rolled his eyes as he stepped in fully.

"So what's up?" I sat upright.

"Up for a swim?" it was so casual it was almost as if he'd rehearsed it that way.

"Sure," I nodded. I shouldn't be suspicious but I am, I mean what's he going to do, hit me with a pool float? He seems nervous though and Christopher Grey is never nervous.

"Great," his whole face brightens, "you have a costume right?"

"Yeah," I nod. It's an old ratty one that we brought from a hotel years ago because lots of the motels and hotels we stayed in had pools or hot tubs that I wanted to go in. I did have a bikini at one point though, a daring red one that barely counted as a clothing item. Jackson had given it to me as a gift and when we broke up I'd left it at his apartment along with a load of my things because I was too afraid to go back.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had gone back, I would've got back with him without a doubt. He would've charmed me back into his arms like always and maybe I wouldn't be here right now. I would've moved back in with him after moms death and would never have met the Kings Bridge boys. It hurts to even think about that, I can't imagine never meeting them.

"You're very deep in thought," Grey commented, I glanced up. We were right outside the swimming pool already and I hadn't even noticed.

"Sorry," I shook my head at my rudeness, "I'm just a little distracted I guess."

"If this isn't a good time...?" He hesitated.

"No," I insisted shoving the door open, "I want to swim."

There's obviously no girls changing rooms at Kings Bridge but there was a large disabled bathroom that Grey said any female teachers change in when they swim.

When I put on my swimming costume I immediately feel self conscious, I'd forgotten how small it was and how tight it clung to my skin and it was wearing down in a couple of places so it became slightly see through. It certainly wasn't the ideal outfit and not something I would've worn if I had a choice. Oh well, it would have to do.

I walked out into the swimming pool area with my arms crossed protectively over my chest. Grey was already in the water swimming laps leisurely. I felt my eyes automatically follow as I watched the way the water disappeared past him and how his muscular arms cut into the water. I forget I shouldn't be staring until he called out to me shocking me so much I jumped in the air.

"Getting in?" He yelled.

"Give me a minute," I snapped turning my embarrassment into irritation but he didn't buy it and only laughed at me.

"Hurry up or I'll have to push you in," he warned.

"You wouldn't dare," I gave him my strongest glare, "and if you even tried I'd strangle you with a pool float."

"Violent much," he laughed unbothered by my threats.

"Just letting you know," I shrugged.

I dipped my toe in the pool and felt the icy bite of the water on my foot. I didn't remember swimming pools being this cold.

"Wimp," Grey taunted knowing it would drive me crazy, I hate being seen as weak.

So I take a few steps back then run and catapult myself into the air tucking my knees into my chest and hitting the water with the most spectacular crash. The water is freezing cold on my skin and I have to clamp my lips shut not to gasp as it engulfs me. Then I'm kicking towards the surface to get air and the coldness almost seems to evaporate from my skin as I move.

When I broke the surface of the water Grey was right beside me though I swear he'd been on the other side of the pool when I'd jumped in. He was grinning mischievously from ear to ear in that mysterious way of his that made you unable to guess what he was thinking.

"See I'm not a wimp," I say because one of us has to say something before this becomes awkward.

"I'll give you that," he allowed with a nod of his head.

"So are we going to do some swimming or not?" I demand, I always became snappy when I'm uncomfortable.

"Want to race?" Grey smirked. He could beat me sleep-swimming (was that a thing?) and he knew it.

"Probably not for the best," I gave my best patronising smile, "I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Collins," he rolled his eyes before splashing me lightly in the face. My eyes popped open in surprise.

I may not be able to beat him in a swimming race but I sure as hell could beat him in a water fight.

So I splashed him back twice as hard and so the great water fight commenced. It mainly consisted of him darting around me underwater like a little fish and me soaking him whenever he came up for air though sometimes he was so quick I couldn't keep up and he would swim right in front of me and splash me in the face. Or he would tug my leg from under water distracting and disorientating me as he dragged me under.

One time I opened my eyes under water and his face was right in front of me and his fiery grey eyes were wide open too, staring right at me through the azure water.

Before I'd been thinking about Mina's comment on losing someone in regards to Jackson and my mom and how I only realised what a big part of my life they were when they were cut out of it but now I realised how much of an impact the Silent Boys had had on me. It scared me how much I would miss them if I ever were to lose them. And it terrified me how much it scared me. I was so terrified it made my head whirl.

I couldn't loose them too, I just couldn't.