"Are you ready?" Mina bounded into art on Friday beaming delightedly.

"For what?" I stared at her dumbly for a moment.

"The sleepover," she rolled her eyes, "did you forget?"

"Yes, I mean no, maybe?" I shook my head, "I forgot just then but I hadn't entirely. I have my stuff in my bag." I patted my backpack beside me.

"Good, cause I've got popcorn and a great film selection," her eyes narrowed for a moment, "wait! You do like pizza don't you?"

I fixed her with my obvious glare, "of course, who doesn't like pizza?"

"I don't even want to know who," Mina shook her head decidedly.

"So, I can come over straight after school?" I confirmed.

It was Mina's turn this time to scrutinise me with her obvious stare, "of course, I invited you didn't I?"

A slow smile spread across my face.

***

Mina's house was the total opposite of what I expected it to be, it was set down a long drive in the nice section of town. It was a large spacious house filled with open spaces and immaculate furniture cut at sharp right angles. There were minimal photos on the walls and a colour schemes for every room. I wasn't used to this kind of pristine living space after living a in a house filled entirely with boys for over two months.

Mina popped the pizza in the oven in her spotless white kitchen and put on music that spat out from the state of the around surround sound speakers all around the room.

"Your house is insane," I commented as she bopped around wiggling her hips slightly to the beat.

"It's like a hospital," Mina corrected crinkling her nose in disgust.

"I've missed clean," I stroked the white surfaces lovingly, "you wouldn't believe how much of a mess boys make."

"I wish I lived with mess, my mom is crazy obsessive because she works in hospitals she has like this intense fear of getting ill."

"I'm guessing your room is less clean then."

"Wanna see it?"

"Lead the way."

Mina's room couldn't have been more different from the rest of the house. It was as stark in contrast as the two sides of Mitch and Nico's room. I felt as if I was falling down a rabbit hole from the organised world of the living to the mad world below when I stepped into Mina's room.

An explosion of colour hit me in the face like when you walk into direct sunlight after being in the dark for ages. I had to blink a couple of times to adjust to the orange walls the colour of the setting sun. A huge tie-dye tapestry of red and black covered another wall and around her double bed hung twinkling fairy lights. Over every surface sat iridescent crystals and tiki lights with jewelled necklaces hanging from various objects like a large metallic elephant. The chandelier that hung from the ceiling was decorated with loads of multicoloured diamonds that sprinkled with room with light.

"Wow, it's beautiful," I gazed around the room in awe, this room completely reflected Mina. Her bright nature and quirky temperament matched the glowing room perfectly. I ran my fingers along a worn tapestry laid over her chest of drawers.

"Thanks," Mina was trying not to look it but I could tell she was distinctly pleased. You could see the love and effort she'd put into the room in every object and crevice.

I paused for a moment my fingers rubbing on the harsh texture of the tapestry, "can you smell that?"

"Shit the pizza, shit, shit, shit!" Mina cried as she ran from the room flapping her arms in a panic.

***

After eating our slightly charred pizza we retreated back to Mina's room to bask in its bright walls that half gave me the feeling I should put some suncream on to save my skin from burning.

I tossed my phone onto her bed as I wondered around exploring her room and all the unique pieces which had probably taken her years to source. As I was trailing my fingers across the cool metal elephant when I heard the ping of a phone which I presumed to be Mina's.

"What's this?" Mina held a phone towards me.

"Is that mine?" I leaned over to squint at the screen and could make out a text message icon but couldn't read the words due to the angle of the light piercing in through Mina's bedroom window.

"Yeah, I picked it up because I thought it was mine but I saw this text, it just said 'I'm watching you'. There's no number though," Mina's face was lined with a mixture of concern and fear.

"It's a joke," I lied quickly with a laugh that was too obviously unnatural, "one of my old friends back in Vegas must have sent it. We always joked that even after I moved they'd be watching me."

Of course I knew exactly who it was from and the thought of that brought an acidic taste to my mouth.

"It's still kind of creepy though," Mina regarded though she looked distinctly less scared now as she tossed me back my phone.

"I know," I agreed truthfully, "I just don't question it though."

"Fair enough," Mina sighed turning back to the TV as she scrolled through hunting for a suitable film for us to watch.

"Do you not like any of those?" I enquired as she continued to speed through the rows of options faster than I could read.

"Nope, no, no way and absolutely not," Mina sing-sang, "too cheesy or too unrealistic or too boring."

"I don't think the main aim of a film is to be realistic," I pointed out but Mina just dismissed me with a flick of her hand.

"Either way," Mina sighed heavily, "I need something great, this is our first sleepover we need to start a tradition...," I smiled at that, I loved the idea of having a tradition with someone, it made my place here seem permanent. I was about to voice this when Mina let out a loud cry of, "ah hah!"

I glanced up to see the film she had chosen was Breakfast at Tiffany's with Audrey Hepburn standing elegantly on screen.

"This is your pick for a realistic film?" I asked sceptically.

"Okay, maybe it's not that realistic," Mina allowed, "but you can't argue that it's not a good film."

"Of course not," I hopped off the floor onto the bed beside her and left my offending phone on the carpet, out of sight out of mind.

"Then Breakfast at Tiffany's it is then," Mina stabbed the controller decidedly.

I lay back onto the pillows beside her and tried to fix both my eyes and mind on the film before us but wasn't successful in either. My eyes would dart to my phone on the floor every few minutes or so as if thinking it would magically disappear or contort itself into a bomb or something equally as horrific. When neither happened my mind kept wondering what the text would mean, if it was yet another empty threat. This man had yet to act on any of his claims, so far all he'd given me were empty threats. That was the game he was playing, he never intended to carry through with anything, he just wanted to ensure that I remained living in fear of him, always under his control as I constantly received his threatening texts. I knew he was manipulating me but I also knew he was succeeding at it. I didn't want to let him win, every part of me was pushing against the fact he was controlling me but at the same time I was absolutely in fear of him. As even though he'd never acted on any of his threats he was still the one who'd ordered my mothers death. He was too cowardly to do it himself but powerful enough to get it done. Was that what he was planning for me too?

"Cara?" Mina's voice made my head snap up from were I'd been staring fixated at my phone for god knows how long, "do you want me to turn the film off? If it's boring you you should have said I don't mind, well I do a bit but like not enough to never speak to you again."

"It's not the film," I cut her off quickly then realised my mistake, if I'd just blamed the film for my distraction it would have been fine but now I can to come up with a whole new excuse and I hated lying to Mina.

"What's up then?"

"It's nothing," I shrugged.

"Is it about the boys at Kings Bridge?" Mina asked quietly meeting my eyes with concern.

"Yes," I nodded which was in part true, I was worried about what this guy would do to them more than I was about what he'd do to me.

"What's going on?" I could tell she genuinely cared and wanted to help.

"I'm scared," I admitted in a whisper, afraid if I spoke my fears too loudly they might become real.

"Of what? Them? Have they done anything to you Cara?"

"God no!" I amended quickly, "they've never been anything but sweet, it's me. I'm afraid to get close to them because I've had bad experiences in the past with people I allowed myself to get close to."

"What happened?" Her voice transformed to a hushed whisper to match mine.

"This old boyfriend I had, he was an asshole to me, really manipulative and controlling. But he made me fall for him, I really really loved him you know. He was so sweet to me at first and I was stupid and so flattered that this older guy liked me and he made me feel special. Then slowly, so slowly I barely noticed it he began to control me, like always checking where I was and who I was with and when I'd be back and what I was wearing. I thought it showed how much he cared about me and at the time I loved the attention. I wanted to please him, I would've done anything to make him happy and now I look back I hate how stupid and weak I was. I hate that I allowed myself to be hurt by him because I'd always believe myself to be stronger than that. I always said I'd never rely on a guy for my own self worth until I did. Until I have him the power to crush me with a single word and to hurt me so badly yet still make me want to stay with him."

"Why did you stay?"

"Because I loved him. Because he wasn't all bad, he was lovely most of the time, he was charming and funny and completely utterly handsome. He was older and sophisticated and he would do romantic things like buy me flowers and drag me out whenever it was raining so we could dance in the street. But I realised it wasn't enough for him to be charming 90% of the time and treat me like utter shit for the rest. That didn't make the shitty treatment okay. I still stayed with him for longer than I should have though, he was my first love and it's hard to let go of that."

"It's not your fault Cara," Mina reached out and touched my arm.

"I know that."

"Do you?" Her inquisitive eyes met mine, "because I don't think you do. I can see you blaming yourself for not being strong enough to walk away, for staying and letting him hurt you. None of that is your fault Cara. You were young and he took advantage of how trusting you are. He's the one to blame here, always."

"I know that," I repeated, "I just don't always believe it. Wasn't it my job to leave? I stayed and allowed him to continue controlling my life."

"How old were you when you met him?"

"Fifteen," I mumbled reluctantly.

"Exactly, and you're still only seventeen. It's not your job to know when something is wrong, it's his job to do that."

"I guess," I played with my fingers thoughtfully.

"Do the Kings Bridge boys know?"

"Vaguely."

"You should let them in Cara, I don't know them that well but they seem to be good for you. Don't let him continue to control you and make you think you're not good enough. Accept their help and my help. I don't think you'll regret it."

"Why didn't I just come to you before?" I rolled my eyes, "do you always give this good advice?"

"Always," Mina nodded sincerely with her mouth twitching to pull up into a smile.

"Thank you," I squeezed her hand genuinely, I wanted say how I was thankful for her honesty and above all showing me there were kind people in this world but none of that would come out. So a simple thank you would have to do express all the words that would never be spoken aloud.

"Anytime Cara, I mean it, you can come to me anytime." I knew she did mean it.

I was surprised how simple it was, how Mina didn't think I was being dramatic or self absorbed, how she took my problems seriously. I didn't think sharing my issue would be this easy. I thought I would regret it the second it was out my mouth and want to remove any memory she had of this conversation but in reality I felt so much lighter. I felt free as if a couple more of the roots Jackson had planted in me had been weeded out. I was slowly loosing him piece by piece.

If I could trust Mina then I could trust the Silent Boys, I could tell them all about Jackson and my moms killer. I could let them in and hope in return they let me in. Maybe in reality I had made all the problems up in my head and in reality it would be easy letting them into my mountain of problems.

Maybe.