It was the day of my baby shower, and as I was getting ready, and all I could think about was my argument/conversation with Gabriel last night.

It kept me up all night wondering If I was truly making the right decision.

There is one thing no one tells you about. How many choices you have to make the second you become pregnant.

If you're going to keep the baby or not. If you're going to find out the gender. If you want a hospital birth, a home birth or a birthing center...

That's not including naming the baby, or deciding if you're going to use cloth or disposable diapers. The way your nursery will look, and if you're going to be on a schedule or not. If you're going to breastfeed, bottle feed or do formula...

There are so many decisions, that sometimes I forget choices that don't revolve around my baby matter as well.

That's why when I arrived at Gabriel's last night, and he sprung the idea of college on to me, I felt like I couldn't breath.

"So you're just going to leave us?" I asked him, fear rising up in my chest as my breathing got more rapid.

"I'm not leaving you Leighton. I just said that the college I got accepted into.. you have to live on campus" He explained again, but I just shook my head.

"It's out of state!" I yelled, now feeling angry.

"It's just for a semester, Leigh. You're not due till December. It's only October. A semester is four months. I can come home for Thanksgiving break, and skip classes till the due date" He said and my face scrunched up.

"Four months Gabe! FOUR MONTHS! JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK SKIPPING TWO TO THREE WEEKS OF CLASS TO SEE YOUR BABY BE BORN ISN'T A BIG DEAL, IT WILL FUCK WITH YOUR ACEDEMIC RECORD AND NOT TO MENTION WHAT HAPPENS WHEN OUR CHILD IS BORN?!" I yelled, not understanding how he could think now was the perfect time.

"We can figure it out Leigh" is all he said, and I felt like my head was going to explode.

"Why can't you go to college here?! Why do you want to leave us!" I started to cry, panic setting in from the fear of being alone.

"I'm not leaving you Leighton-"

"TO SEE YOU I HAVE TO GET ON AN AIRPLANE, FEELS LIKE LEAVING ME GABRIEL! WHY NOW! WHY IS NOW WHEN YOU CHOOSE GO!" I yelled, my hands flailing in the air as my face turned red.

"It's my future Leighton-"

"WHY CAN'T YOU PICK A PLACE HERE!? BE HERE, WITH ME! AND OUR BABY! WHAT ABOUT OUR BABY GABE?! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO-"

"NO I'M NOT! Leighton, I'm allowed to go to college-" he started and I shook my head.

"I NEVER SAID THAT! I'M JUST.. YOU'RE LEAVING! I COULD GIVE BIRTH AT ANY MOMENT, AND YOU'RE FLYING ACROSS THE GODDAMN COUNTRY!"

"Leighton-"

"Do you love me? Do you love this baby?" I asked quietly, my bottom lip quivering.

"Of course I do-"

"Then why are you leaving me?" I cried.

"I'm not leaving you-"

"HOW IS THIS NOT LEAVING?! I'M 30 WEEKS PREGNANT WITH YOUR FUCKING CHILD AND IN A FEW WEEKS YOU'RE GOING TO HOPE ON A PLANE AND LEAVE ME! WHY ARE YOU EVEN LEAVING IN OCTOBER ANYWAY?! SINCE WHEN DOES SCHOOL START IN OCTOBER?!" I yelled, my chest rapidly rising and falling as I cried.

"Leighton, I'm doing this for us-"

"YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR YOU. MEN HAVE IT SO EASY. THEY DON'T CARRY AROUND THE BABY FOR 9 MONTHS AND HAVE THE RISKS AND THE SCARES AND THE APPOINTMENTS. THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR VAGINA LOOKED AT TWENTY FOUR SEVEN, OR HAVE THE HEARTBURN AND THE KICKING! THEIR BLADDER DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE ALL THE DAMN TIME, OR HAVE THE FUCKING NIGHTMARES! GOD THE NIGHTMARES! I'D KILL TO NOT HAVE THE SAME FUCKING NIGHTMORE OVER AND OVER AGAIN OF MY BABY DYING, OR BEING TAKEN AWAY! AND YET, YOU'RE LEAVING! I'M SITTING HERE, PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD, DOING ALL THE FUCKING WORK, AND YOU'RE LEAVING!"

"I'm bettering our future Leighton. A good college can get me a good job which can land a better future for our baby" he explained and I shook my head. "But what about now?! Why couldn't you decide this when I was in the early trimester of pregnancy! Why are you deciding this now?!" I sobbed, my face getting pretty red and puffy.

"Leighton, I don't want to work in construction forever. I got this job through my friend's dad. It was to get me off my feet, and to help with the baby stuff" He explained but I wasn't having it.

I was pregnant, scared, and soon to be alone.

"BUT MED SCHOOL?!" I cried and I slowly sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath to try and calm my body down.

I need to protect my baby

"Leigh-"

"Stop, please. I need to.. I need to calm.. down" I breathed and he immediately dropped in front of me, helping me work on my grounding.

It took a few minutes of breathing exercise, but I eventually felt my heart rate slow down.

"I'm not doing this to make our life more chaotic. I'm doing this for us. I want our baby to have a good life.. and this is something I want. You know I've dreamt of being called Dr. Bennett" He spoke softly and I sighed.

"I want to move" I muttered, not daring to look up.

"What?" He asked and I slowly looked up.

"I want to move" I repeated and he gave me a weird look.

"You just moved? You moved into a new apartment" Gabe stated, confused.

"It's not home. I want to go home" I explained, both of our hands resting on my bump.

"Home? Home as in-" He started and I nodded, feeling him wipe a stray tear off my face. "Is this you leaving me?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I don't want my baby growing up here. I don't want my baby to be born from California or raised here.. I don't.. I don't want this state.. this state to ruin him or her" I frowned, a small kick, kicking my hand.

"You can't just up and leave Leighton. You have friends, family, a job, an apartment" He listed, and I cocked an eyebrow.

"You mean the same way you're up and leaving me to go to New York for Med School?" I asked and he sighed, dropping his head low.

"Leighton, you know this is something I've always wanted to do" He talked down to me, pissing me off.

"But why can't you wait till next year?" I asked, knowing it sounded selfish, but I was terrified.

"Leigh, I'm not going to put my life on hold, just because we are having a baby" He told me and I knew this was going to be our downfall.

"And yet I'm supposed to?!"

"Leigh, I never said that. There will never be a right time to have a baby, or start a job, or move. You just have to do it, and figure it out"

"But why do you have to be so far away!" I cried and he sighed, his hands lightly rubbing my knees.

"Leighton, it's going to be okay" he reassured me, and I shook my head. "It's not going to be okay Gabriel! This is our first baby. What am I supposed to do if I need you, and you're across the country?!"

"We will figure it out. Can you tell me your exact fears right now?" He asked me and I groaned, wiping away the tears. "About you going to school?" I questioned, and he nodded.

We sat down for a while and talked out my fears and concerns, and how I was nervous that him going to school would be basically making me a single parent.

The last thing I wanted to be was 21, single and have a newborn all on my own.

It would simply be too much, and I would know for sure that I've made a mistake.

We then considered the options of him putting it off for another year, and talking about the pros and cons of what that would look like.

We both knew that having a kid in our early twenties when we both have things we want to achieve would never be easy... but the thought of him starting what would be a 10 year long schooling journey was giving me insane pre-parental panic.

We ended up coming to the conclusion that he would consider accepting the placement in the college, telling the dean his situation with me, back at home, and if they were fine with him doing class off campus when my due date was soon, and the first month we had the newborn, that we would move forward. Otherwise, we talked about him waiting till our little one was maybe two or so, before starting the process of schooling.

The only real concern we had with the second option was him not getting accepted again.

I would feel terrible if he lost this opportunity, and I knew deep down if the dean said no, I would still let him go. But I was utterly terrified.

"Oh baby, you look so cute" Aaliyah cooed, walking into the bathroom.

"Awe, thank you! I'm wearing the shirt Landon got for me. I thought it would make him happy" I giggled.

"Is that the dress you got from-"

"-Yes it is and we aren't going to talk about that"

"Leighton"

"Aaliyah" I mocked, grabbing the black hair tie and slipping it onto my wrist.

"Leighton Rae Fox" Aaliyah lectured and I rolled my eyes.

"What?!"

"Why are you wearing a dress Silas got you"

"Because it's comfy and fits. Would you rather me walk around naked?"

"I'm sure Silas would have" She smirked and I glared at her.

"Too soon"

"I'm sorry! What shoes are you wearing?"

"I was thinking my flip flops? I would wear heels.. but uh" I motioned to my swollen feet and she nodded, slipping into Lexi's room to grab my shoes.

"Your moms freaking out downstairs" Aaliyah laughed, my shoes in hand. "Why?" I slipped on my shoes and Aaliyah helped me finish curling the end of my hair for the high ponytail I was going to wear, telling me that my mom wanted everything to look perfect.

"Do you know when everyone's going to get here?" I asked her, holding her hand and the railing as we walked down the steps.

"Um, Kat, Colby and Sam are already downstairs helping your mom with the food. Your dad is picking up your aunt, uncle and cousins" She started listing people off, myself nodding in reply as we made our way out to the backyard.

"Holy shit" I whispered, my eyes widening at the backyard.

"It's magical isn't it!" Aaliyah smiled and I nodded, my eyes welling up in tears. I quickly pulled Aaliyah into a hug, squeezing her tight.

"I love you so much" I whispered, trying not to let the tears fall down my face.

"I love you too, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Your mom, your sisters, Kat and Stas all helped out. Sam and Colby even gave a few ideas" Aaliyah told me and my eyes widened. "Sam and Colby helped? What did they do?"

"Sam and Kat suggested this" She walked over towards a table, a glass jar and piece of papers lined on the table. "Stop!" I whined, my heart racing as I read the cute letter board that read 'Guess my birthday!' with a calendar that showed all of November to the second week of December. December 5th marked as 'my due date'

Next to it was "Take your best guess!" with a cute jar of blue and pink beads.

"Aaliyah Irene Johnson shut up!" I whined, tears falling down my cheeks as my fingers ran over the cute little detailing on the table cloth.

"Hey hot mama!" I heard Kat yell from behind me, a big smile on her face as she approached us. "Oh no! Why are you crying?" She quickly frowned, her face now showing concern. "Because it's all so cute! You guys did so good!"

"I'm glad you like it!" She smiled and I waved at Sam and Colby who were walking towards us.

On the table was the Calendar with tiny gold stars next to it, the guess the baby's gender with the cute beads and jars, a few pieces of paper, and a binder.

"What is this?" I asked them, my hand tracing the cute lettering on the leather binder.

"It's to put advice. This binder is for actual advice. Your mom is going to fill it out after everybody else" Kat flipped open the binder, showing me the engraving on the page. 'From one parent to another' in a fancy font.

"You guys!" I pouted, Kat having a smile on my face as she showed me another book that had little tabs on it. "What's this?"

"A tally book! It's small and I thought we could put it into the first like baby scrapbook or something. So like, on the first page is the gender. Who thinks it's a boy or a girl. We will count the little beads from the jars and fill it in. Then there is the birth weight. People put a tally under what they think it will be. This page is how big they think your belly would be. Lexi did ask you, right?" Kat asked and I nodded, remembering the text I got from Lexi asking about how I felt about people judging the size of my stomach. "And this section is people guessing what the first and middle initials are" She showed me the alphabet and I smiled, wiping away some tears.

I walked around with my friends, looking at all the party games and the little details as the guests arrived, and every little thing that scattered their backyard only made my heart melt even more.

Gabriel and his mom arrived and I waddled over, saying a quick hello and letting Brigette fuss over my baby belly.

It felt nice to mingle with the guests, and see some of my extended family again.

"What is the reason for the party doing sitting in a corner all by herself?" Colby asked, taking a seat on the ground next to me.

"Taking a break" I giggled, glancing down at him before looking back at all the party guests. "My feet are hurting" I waved my foot at him a little, my flip flop falling off. "You lost something" He smirked, handing me my shoe back. I waved my foot at him again and he rolled his eyes, slipping my shoe back on. "What is this? Redneck Cinderella?" He asked and I grinned, "You wish"

"I keep forgetting you have a foot tattoo" He said out of nowhere, staring at my foot.

"Are you going to say this every time you see my foot?" I questioned and he shrugged.

"I have a question" I said softly, Colby looking up at me. "Why is it that every time you're around my family or friends, you get quiet? Your personality completely changes. You've only had fun in Minnesota" I asked, making this observation multiple times.

He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. "You know, to be a part of a conversation, you need to use your words" I grumbled and he sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous"

"Why are you nervous? You've met everyone here" I looked down at him, and he pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them.

He was quiet for a moment before asking "So where is the baby daddy?" making me roll my eyes. "Why? So you can go bug him?" I asked and Colby glared at me. "He's over there by our moms" I pointed to where they were standing and Colby nodded. "Are you bored?" I laughed, not sure why he's being so quiet.

"Just thinking... I should probably go put my votes in for your child" He snickered, standing up and I groaned.

"Help please?" I held my hand out and he turned around, pulling me out of the chair.

"Okay, do you think it's a boy or a girl?" Colby asked me, glancing at the beads.

"Kat said I have my own card to fill out, I'm not allowed to help out the guests, You're on your own Brock" I patted his back, feeling an arm wrap around my shoulders.

"There's my favorite sister!" Logan pulled me into his chest and I felt the smile on my face get bigger. "Am I interrupting?" He asked and I could hear the cockiness dripping off every word.

And much to my NOT surprise, he had a stupid little smirk on his face as well.

"What would you be interrupting?" I questioned, trying to figure out his little game.

"Clearly my mathematical process for guessing if your baby has a penis or vagina" Colby joked and I rolled my eyes. "You're both annoying"

"But you love us both" Logan pinched my cheeks, myself swatting his hands away.

~

"To all the parents, I'm extremely sorry, but feel free to take part in the baby bottle chug!" Kat announced, Sam and Stas holding two trays of baby bottles filled with liquids. "Stasia here has apple juice, Sam here as white claw" Kat pointed at the two of them and I watched everyone who wanted to participate go grab a bottle.

"You going to join us?" Aaliyah asked, Colby holding a baby bottle of the white claw.

"Is the mom allowed to play?" I asked her and she grinned. "The mom is allowed to do whatever she wants. Take an apple juice bottle" Aaliyah grabbed one off the tray and handed it to me.

"Atta girl!" Kat hollered, seeing the bottle in my hand. "Alright! When I count to three, you can go! Everyone who wants to play, do you have a bottle?" Kat asked, looking around. "Okay, ONE...TWO... THREE!" She yelled and I've never seen people tip a bottle over so fast.

I honestly stopped trying and just enjoyed watching my friends and family try to win.

"C'mon Sam! You guys have parties all the time. It's like doing a shotgun, but with a baby bottle" I joked, watching him desperately try to win.

Different friends and family members were filming this chaos and I couldn't wait to have these memories forever.

"CHUG CHUG CHUG!" People started chanting and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I wanted to.

"You look stunning Leigh" I heard Gabe say and I thanked him, giving him a small smile.

"How is your mom doing? Does she like the party? Chase and Penny having a good time?" I asked, not having yet seen them.

"I believe so, How are you doing?" He asked and I shrugged. "I'm having a good time. Things hurt and are swollen, but that's my life lately. I will say, I'm excited to go ham on those cupcakes over there" I giggled and he chuckled, nodding.

"How are you doing since last night?"

I took a deep breath and put on a fake smile, trying to mask how serious the conversation was getting.

"As good as you can expect. Have you emailed the dean yet?" I asked him and he shook his head.