May 22, 1998

Today, Jenna and I went to the movies and met Nathan and Daniel there. Daniel sat down, then Nathan, then me, then Jenna. The movie was Godzilla, so there were lots of scary parts - Jenna and I would grab onto each other's hands and huddle together, even though I really wanted to grab onto Nathan.

My elbow was on the armrest between us, and every once in a while he would put his elbow on it, too, so it would touch mine. Movies are good for dates, because you don't have to think of anything to talk about. [Still true.]

After the movie, Nathan and Daniel went into the bathroom. My dad came to pick up me and Jenna while they were in there, so we left. As we were walking out, I saw Nathan and Daniel, standing in the lobby watching us leave. I waved, but felt bad for not properly saying goodbye.

Maybe he would have kissed me! That was my first real date, and my parents didn't know about it.

[And now for some indulgent, dark poetry that doesn't even rhyme.]

Love wraps itself around your heart.

It holds on tight and won't let go.

It floats in your mind like a cumulous cloud,

Blocking out the logic

That you didn't want to believe, anyway.

Love lifts you up: you ride the wind.

Your insides melt away like snow.

It swims through your veins,

Touching every corner of your body and soul.

And then when it can't get any better,

When you feel like you're sitting on top of the world,

Love pushes you off the highest cliff

And laughs as you shatter on the jagged rocks below. [Ow.]

It betrays you,

Leaves you, wounded, to die

Or try to recover on your own.

But before it leaves,

It takes a chunk of your heart

Leaving a space that will remain empty

Forever.