March 8, 1999

Okay, this might sound really bizarre, but this is a fantasy I have. I would have long, curly, blond hair, and I would be wearing a flowy pink skirt down to my ankles and I would be barefoot. Jacob would be in a white suit, and he wouldn't look hot, he would look beautiful. And we wouldn't want each other, we would love each other.

We would be standing on a rock ledge, behind a waterfall, and we would be dancing. His hair would be matted to his forehead because it would be wet. Music by Enya would be playing. [Of course it would.]

Oh, maybe I would be in a white dress. No, no! Then Jacob would be able to see through it and it would make him horny and that would just completely ruin my fantasy. So it is light pink.

I like to have conversations with people online more than I like to talk on the phone. Because online if you write something embarrassing, you can just be like, "Oh, sorry, that was my brother" or something, and you can't do that on the phone. Plus, if I have a really good conversation online I can print it out. Then I can read it over and over again whenever I want to.

I think that's why I like photographs so much, too. They are like, solid memories. Memories that you can touch. Some pictures make me smile just looking at them, or some trigger bad memories.

Like this picture I have of me and Zach from 6th grade. It makes me remember how Steph had one that she took of him and Hannah hugging, and then Steph and I went into the woods behind my house and burned it. It burned really cool, like the layer of shininess on top of it bubbled up and turned brown and then the whole thing caved in.

Also, some other stuff: goals are important to have, but I've also realized that if you set definite goals for yourself, you are unlikely to reach them. If you know you want something to happen but you're not sure what, something usually happens and you end up liking it. Oh, well, I'm setting goals for myself anyway.

Goals for the rest of 7th Grade

Become better at:

1) manipulating boys

2) dancing

3) being trustworthy

4) not talking about people