March 25, 1999

Today, Jacob brought into school all these "Romance Coupons." I don't know where he got them, but they were really funny! At lunch, James came over to our table and gave one to Gina. It said, "Gives Bearer Permission to Be Nervous." I don't get it, but oh, well. He gave one to Stacy that said something about NOT COMPLAINING.

Then he went back to his own table and yelled back to us, "Hey, Emily! I think Jacob has one for you!" Jacob was looking down at his lap. I said, "No, they're all mean. I don't want one." But James said, "No, they're not all mean." Then he ran over and handed me one.

Then after school, Jenna called! That is so weird because I haven't talked on the phone with her for the longest time. She said, "It is pathetic how you and Jacob are not going out yet. Can I call him and ask him out for you?" I was like, "Okay." But she called back and said he wasn't home.

Jenna and Hannah have started hating Steph, and they think I do, too, so that's why they're being particularly nice to me. But I never really hated Steph. Right when I got off the phone with Jenna, Steph sent me an instant message. This is how it went:

DieEmilyLindin: hi

Me: hi

DieEmilyLindin: I feel really bad talking to you when this is my screen name. [But alas, everyone knows it's impossible to make a new screen name that doesn't call for someone's death.]

Me: that's ok

DieEmilyLindin: I don't want you to die.

Me: ok

DieEmilyLindin: I don't want to be friends, but can we not like, be enemies?

Me: ok

So we are not enemies anymore. But you know what? My plan to be nice to everyone is not really working. I find myself being mean to people without even realizing it. Stacy and Gina are mean to people who used to be their friends, and those people think it's my fault.

But I couldn't care less who else Stacy and Gina are friends with. I am friends with other people, too, but not people I'd feel comfortable sitting with at lunch. Except for Melanie, who is my best friend. If my group ditched me, I would have nobody to fall back on. I have to start building stronger friendships with everyone.