August 7, 1999

I haven't written in such a long time! I'm sorry. [I forgive you. - Diary.] It's a Friday. Stacy and Melanie came over today, and we made another movie. I'm obsessed with making movies - it's so fun! We were dancing around in tube-tops and short-shorts when the doorbell rang. [What kind of movie were we making?]

It was Scott and James, and Scott had my yearbook, which he forgot to return to me after he accidentally picked it up with his own on the last day of school. We all went on a walk to Dunkin' Donuts, which is about a mile away. After we got some Coolattas, we hung out behind the pizza place. [We really loved our Coolattas!] There is a parking lot there and a stone wall that separates it from the cemetery behind it.

We sat on the stone wall and talked for about an hour. Scott told me some interesting information. It turns out that Michelle had a party, but she has no impact on my life anymore. She is the type of person who no one really likes, but she invites popular people to her parties because maybe she sits next to them in math and they asked to borrow a pencil once, and she thought it was a big deal, and the other person doesn't even care, but she thinks they are great friends, so she invites them to parties.

I wasn't invited, but Tyler, Scott, and Zach were. The party was last Friday night, a week ago. I talked to Tyler on Sunday night and he said this: "Jacob, Louis, Steven, and I were at Jacob's house and we were hungry. Jacob had no food so I was like, 'Well, I was invited to Michelle's party - maybe there will be food there.' So we walked to her house, ate her Cheetos, and left." [I wouldn't have gone to a party for the Cheetos - I always found them kind of gross.]

So then Scott told me this while we were sitting on the stone wall: "Michelle has this hot friend, Casey, from London. Zach asked her out at the party and on Tuesday, they went to third base." Hmm... sounds like he's on the rebound. I feel stupid now, though, because he has someone and I don't.

I probably could have someone, I guess. But having a boyfriend is way too much of a hassle. I guess I just don't want Zach to feel all cool about himself around me. I know I should be happy for him that he's moved on, but I am a selfish bitch who needs everyone to worship her. I know how guys see me: they only care about my big boobs and that I am pretty.

It probably helps that I'm friendly, too, because there are other girls who have big boobs, but no one likes to be around them. Like Steph, who is the fucking town door knob, and Jenna, whose 8th-grade boyfriend just dumped her because she stupidly cheated on him with Chris Walker, who is a jerk and a retard. People used to respect Jenna, until she did that.

[I'm disturbed that slut shaming came so easily to me - I hope I never called Steph "the town door knob" anywhere but in my diary.]