August 10, 1999

Yesterday, James, Jacob, and Scott randomly showed up at my house. I had Melanie over. We went on a walk that lasted for three hours! Scott and James are great friends and I still kinda like Jacob as more than a friend. Between getting lost in the woods next to the cemetery, buying slush at the market, hanging out on the wall behind the pizza place, sharing Coolattas, and petting James's smelly dog, it was quite a day. [Who knew there were so many ways to do nothing?]

Then today, at about 2pm, the phone rang. It was Scott and he said, "Hey, I have some people over. Are you doing anything?" I said no, so he said he was going to stop by. I ran upstairs to make myself look beautiful. Twenty minutes later, Scott, James, Jacob, Louis, and Daniel were on my front steps. My mom wasn't home and I was baby-sitting my brother, but I invited them in, anyway.

Melanie called and ended up coming over, too. We migrated outside after a while and hung out on the street and on my front lawn. Because Louis was there, they sexually harassed me a lot more than they would have otherwise. Most of them are too shy to say anything raunchy. Louis doesn't think twice, though, about constantly commenting on my boobs. [Interesting that I knew what "sexual harassment was." Also, I'm totally going to make "raunchy" happen.]

Sometimes it creates awkwardness. Especially when Louis said, "If you don't let us squeeze your tits, we'll just walk over to Steph's house. She'll let us!" And they actually did walk over there, only to come back disappointed - she wasn't home.

I was thinking... I would definitely let Jacob squeeze my boobs, if he would kiss me. I wish he knew that, so he would make a move. I have no doubt he would hook up with me if he knew I wanted to.

Well, maybe there is some doubt. I am getting mixed signals from him. Sometimes, it seems like he looks down on girls who hook up with people, like he thinks it's trashy. But today, he was acting like he'd just really like to get some. But I am pretty sure that if I want to have a relationship with him, I can't be trashy. I guess it wouldn't be trashy to hook up with him, though.

But if I did that, then all the other guys would pressure me to hook up with them. And if I did that, then eventually they would get sick of me.

At like, 9pm tonight, I checked the voice messages and there was one from Nathan, pretending to be Daniel. I knew it wasn't actually Daniel because Daniel had been at my house when the message was left. [Aha! Nice try, though, Nathan.] I called him back and we talked for an hour. He is very good to talk to. I remember when we were going out, we would talk on the phone for hours at a time.

I think Nathan likes me again. He was acting like it very much. He seemed very into hating Zach. When I told him I was trying to be friends with Zach, he got upset: "Why?! After all he's done to you, why the HELL would you want to be FRIENDS with that LOSER?!" I think Nathan has a problem getting over things.