August 14, 1999

Stacy got home from camp today, and she is sleeping over. Right now, she is writing a letter to a friend from camp, crying hard because she misses them. I can understand that she's depressed, but I do think she's over-doing it a bit.

I called James tonight and found out that he's going out with Amanda Collins. I don't have a problem with it, but honestly... she's a big skank-face. He probably doesn't like her, but they've already gone to 2nd base. So... whatever. [I TOTALLY DON'T CARE OKAY?]

I was telling him how I wanted to hook up with Jacob, and he said, "I have no doubt in my mind that Jacob will hook up with you. I guarantee it." That made me feel so good. But then he said, "I'm just not sure YOU would ever hook up with HIM." "What are you talking about?" I asked. He said, "I don't know... I think you're a tease." "What the hell is a tease?" He sighed. "It's a girl who is really hot and she lets on like she'll hook up with guys, but then she doesn't."

James got a call on the other line and it was Amanda Collins, so he had to go. But he said, "Check your e-mail." This is what I found. It was from Jacob:

Hey,

Emily I'm writing to you after a conversation me, Scott, and James just had. We think you're real cool and hot... But I guess we as a group are telling you that you are a tease... A tease as in you're really, really hot and umm... Well, you can take it from there... I know none of us have ever really told you to your face that you're hot but you are. And you kind of have to accept that... It's not your fault or anything. We still all like you as a friend and having nothing against you but I don't know... We just want you to be aware of it, I guess.

- Jacob, Scott, and James

I don't even know what to think now. Hmm. Maybe I am a tease. But I know I would hook up with Jacob. Also, I guess I just assumed those guys wanted to hang out with me anyway, whether or not we hooked up. I didn't think I was leading them on, I just thought we were friends.

[It strikes me how apologetic the email was: it wasn't my FAULT that I was "hot," but since that was the case, being friends with boys automatically made me a tease.]