Pujas & Daily Schedule

August 13, 1994

Dear Parents,

Divya conveys her namaskars. When I first came here to Shanti Ashram, I asked how mail would reach me. I got a typical Indian reply: “The postman will know you and he’ll bring it to your kutir!” (‘Kutir’ is the name a small house-cottage, of which there are many around here.) But, after a few days, on August 8th, I went to mail a letter to both of you and at the same time I told them my name and which kutir I was in. Lo and behold! After a few hours, the postman rode up on a bicycle (ring! ring! went his bicycle bell; whether there’s traffic or anyone to hear or not, the Indians have the habit of ringing their bike bells and vehicle horns constantly) – and he delivered three letters for me!

I am getting very special treatment here – maybe because I was sent by saint Swami Satchidananda (I got to lug a big bag of prasad that Swami Satchidananda sent, through me, to Jnaneswari here - I felt it a great privilege to carry the prasad from one saint to another; I felt like Hanuman helping Rama by carrying mountains!) – or maybe it is because I know Telugu, or maybe just because I am a foreigner! Indians seem to think it is a great thing for people to come from far countries and adopt the spiritual life here.

The only other foreigner here is Susheela (Polish but lived in France her whole life). She has picked up some words in Telugu but not the fine distinctions that make so much difference (like long and short vowels). Plus when she talks in Telugu, it is with a snappy and harsh sound. Poor thing – how can she help it? She learnt only by listening to the Telugu people. I think Swami is the only Telugu-speaking “person” who speaks softly and sweetly. Everyone else talks in a high, shrill voice or shouting. Even I could not help talking like that when I was with Venkamma, as everyone else did!

But now I am making concentrated effort to speak soft and low in Telugu. The other evening Jnaneswari told others, “Ah, she speaks Telugu so soft and sweetly!” That was a big surprise to me, because I hear myself as loud and harsh! Around the tiny-sized Indians, I often feel like a big monster hulk!

When I was in Anandashram I never talked with Swami Satchidananda so had very little contact with him, partly because I didn’t want to be told to go! But here, Jnaneswari is very affectionate to me, besides telling me several times, looking straight into my eyes with a caring expression, “This is your permanent spiritual home.” She also catches me or calls for me almost daily, to give fruit as prasad or just to ask how I am or if I need anything. She takes my chin in her hand and caresses my arm.

As for me, I tell her that this life is useless unless I can have moksha and know that God is everywhere and also beyond everything. She answers that it is not something to be gained because it is already with us – we are THAT now and here, all we have to do is recognize it – remember ourselves. Easy to say but hard to realize, I tell her! She seems to be so happy to see my earnestness.

On August 10th we started a puja here. This is because one young sanyasi here requested Jnaneswari for it to be done, for the benefit of aspirants. The sanyasi (Jeeyar Swami) is said to be spiritually advanced. He is 38 years old and has been here four years. He is an expert in ritualistic rites and so heads the pujas. The puja is to Lakshmi and Narayana, and will continue on for 40 days! Every morning we gather from 8-10 AM and again, 4-6 PM. In addition, Fridays are special to Lakshmi so we do extra puja, lasting 3 ½ or 4 hours.

I never have done puja, but Jnaneswari and others urged me to take part so I agreed, happy to have the experience (not without misgivings of my qualifications, being a mere ignorant foreigner in this birth).

About 12 of us gather daily. Each of us sits in front of a little wooden platform, on which is a picture of Lakshmi and Narayana. We each have our own puja plate, loaded with tiny vessels like lamp, small cup & spoon, arathi tray, incense stand, and kumkum, turmeric, sandalwood paste, flowers, tulasi leaves, etc.

Jeeyar Swami says the slokas very clearly, slowly and in a nice sing-song voice. Sometimes we repeat after him and sometimes we say the prayers along with him. We go through the 16 modes of worship, like offering God Welcome, a Seat, a Bath (sprinkling water with tulsi leaves), Clothes (offering yellow-rice grains), Food (lumps of sugar-candy - which are sometimes accepted first by God in the form of blank ants that crawl onto the photos during the puja) and Arathi at the end (on Fridays, we give arathi 12 times!).

We repeat things like Lakshmi’s 108 Names, (said over ten times, over and over, in the morning), Krishna’s 108 Names (giving flowers or kumkum with each name); and each day repeat one chapter of the Bhagavad Geeta, Vishnu’s 1008 Names, and other Vedic mantras.

Each puja lasts two hours. JeeAr Swami is very good – he often stops in the middle and explains the meanings of what we’re saying (in Telugu, of course). He says things like, “Do not feel that you are sprinkling water on a photo! Know that you re actually giving bath to Narayana himself; offer the food to the Lord and implore Him to accept it,” and, “You are doing this puja not for worldly gains but for nothing less than Absolute Realization! Never feel otherwise!” In addition, all the prayers we do are distributed on typed pages so we can follow easily (written in Telugu of course).

Anyway, I am enjoying the pujas; each time the vibration is so elevated that everywhere is permeated with the presence of God, and it seems like five minutes instead of two hours!

My day starts early in the morning with meditation. Then, I sweep and mop the verandah (a nice big outside verandah, like the Prasanthi Nilayam Mandir veranda where the boy students sit) and the rooms of the house. Then I take bath, wash clothes and munch on wheat-sprouts, before tromping off to puja around 7 AM. (Before puja, I help to set up the plates & puja articles).

After puja (about 10:30 AM), I go to Jnaneswari’s kitchen to have milk and tiffin; about four or five others have this privilege, all chubby lady residents over 50 years old. A nice, petite, good-natured 20-year old girl helps out Jnaneswari and with cooking. The tiffin is nice and nutritious too – usually idlees or whole wheat porridge made thick like upma (but no oil).

They give me one or two glasses of buttermilk, which I carry home. They want me to also eat lunch and dinner there, but I tell them that it is plenty to just have tiffin in the morning. In fact, I have not had regular meals and milk like this since nearly a year – since Venkamma died! As it is Jnaneswari’s prasad and under her orders, I am accepting the meal of tiffin in the morning.

Ah – it is so nice and quiet here, both day and night! The only thing “wrong” that I’ve noticed is that on some days there are a lot of ants that come into the room looking for food, and also many flying insects of various shapes and sizes. I put prasad for the ants (sugar etc.) at one corner of the room, so all the ants go there and don’t bother me.

The weather has been really nice here – sunny days but not hot. Refreshing cool breezes blow.

On August 12, Jnaneswari went to Madras to visit some Omkar devotees there (accompanied by Susheela). On the day she left, she was supposed to leave at 9 AM on that day, but after puja finished at 10 AM I heard her voice in the house (which is next to the Mandir). So I thought there was still time, and I cleaned up the puja things. (Most Indians think that being on time means one is a workaholic, and without calm, leisurely pace. So they are usually late to work, etc., to show people they are peaceful)

Anyway, I was so immersed in cleaning up the flowers and gathering up the photos and vessels, that I didn’t notice the others drifting away. When I finished, I saw that I was left completely alone! I went out – silent! I went to the kitchen – vacant! What had happened was that everyone had seen Jnaneswari ride off in the car, then they ate tiffin and went off to their houses.

I thought it was my duty to make sure – as I had wanted to see her before she left, out of respect. I walked all the way though the forest and up to my kutir – and behold! There was Jnaneswari sitting alone in a car! The driver had gone with Susheela to her kutir (which is right in front of mine), to get her luggage.

I cam up to the car saying, “Ah, for this reason I came so far!” Jnaneswari immediately opened the car door and reached out to hold my chin; then she pinned my arm down on her lap and said, “I was asking for you before I left, but no one knew where you were!” I told her I had been cleaning up. Then I said, “The Telugu saying is to tell people leaving, ‘Go safely and arrive back gainfully,’ but I think young people should not tell elders this. Otherwise, I would wish you a safe journey like that.” She laughed and squeezed my hand saying, “No! It is young people who should bless elders! It is how it should be!” So I was very surprised but said, “Is it so? Then, go safely, in bliss and arrive gainfully – in bliss!”

Abaa! The length of this letter is simply shameful. I am ending now – be happy! :-)

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu,

Love,

Divya