"Right," I said to myself, thinking. Clench your fists good and hard. Make sure to punch with your first two knuckles so you don't break your hand. Get into a solid stance, feet spread and angled, on your tiptoes to distribute your weight evenly. Hands up, wrists parallel, protecting your stomach and chest. Get ready, and punch!

I punched hard with my back hand, emitting a loud, short yell to intimidate my opponent. My opponent flew back several inches and raced back towards me. I caught it and steadied it before slamming a badly placed wheel kick into its side, stumbling forward from too much momentum. I steadied the punching bag again and fix my uniform.

"Remember to yell. It's important," Master Sokoyuga told me. She held up a hand. "And for that wheel. Don't spin until you've got your target locked, remember. Here, watch."

Master Sokoyuga executed a perfect wheel kick, sending the bag flying just shy of the ceiling. "Did you catch how my head turned before I spun?"

I nodded. "Yes, Master."

She smiled. "Great! Now show me a good wheel kick, Nikki!"

I frowned with determination and slight embarrassment at being corrected. "Will do."

After a long class of perfecting my sparring techniques, Master Sokoyuga came up to me again.

"Remember to practice at home, okay?" she asked me.

"Of course! I'll make my kicks perfect!" I told her.

"Good. But remember," she said, smiling at me, "perfect isn't just a simple goal. Think of it as a limbo bar, but instead of getting lower each time, it gets higher as you get better. Remember to push yourself only to your limits, and no farther. Overworking will only be a setback in the long run. Do you follow?"

I nodded. "I think I do." I didn't, but I wanted to sound smart and cool.

Master Sokoyuga patted my shoulder. She saw through it. "Don't worry, you'll get it sometime. In the meantime, just practice and don't take things too over-seriously. Okay?"

"Okay." I bowed to my teacher and picked up my bag, waving goodbye to a few acquaintances.

The Christmas party, a few days ago -the one Willa had been so excited about- was disastrous. As I had expected, of course. The whole time, I had been shrinking into myself and sitting on a sofa, staring out the window at the winterscape. Whatever growing experience Willa had intended for me at this craphole disguised as a party didn't happen. I ended up going home early, fairly disgusted with myself and my lacking social skills.

Back home, I walked inside the front door, affronted by a bunch of loud minor keys, crashing down. Nol was playing the piano and pretending to be a famous composer who's too cool to use regular keys like a normal person.

"Hey, Nol!" I shouted over the loud cacophony. "Can you play quieter? I can't hear myself think!"

The playing stopped, followed by an indignant snort from my brother. "More quietly. Ask nicely and I will."

I rolled my eyes, not willing to give him the satisfaction of doing what he said.

I walked upstairs to my room to change out of my uniform and take a shower. After I got out, I checked my phone and realized that my old friend who moved far away had texted me, for probably the first time in a year.

I replied quickly, my heart racing. We hadn't talked in so long.

It took a while for her to get back to me. But when she did, it was with affirmative results.

My phone screen filled with my old friend Leah's face. It was so good to see her again, to see the planes and curves of her face, her warm violet eyes, and her big, toothy smile. Truth was, I'd missed her a lot over time.

"So... how's life?" she asked slowly, as if she didn't know what to say to me. But that was ridiculous! We were still best friends, of course we were.

"Great!" I gushed with a big grin on my face. "What about you?"

She leaned back from her screen. "I, uh... pretty well, I guess."

I frowned. Before, she had always been so... happy. Maybe... maybe it was puberty? Yeah, that must be it. But if I remembered correctly... she was fifteen and well past puberty now.

"That's good," I told her. "So... not to be rude or anything, but... why'd you call?"

My friend blinked. "I... well..." she trailed off, staring at some point beyond the screen. "CanIbeentirelyhonestwithyou?" she asked all at once, so quickly that I asked her to repeat herself.

"Okay. Can I be entirely honest with you?"

"Um. Sure?"

"Okay, see, my mom, she's been single for a while, you know? And-"

"Wait. Hold up- your mom is single?" I asked. "Your parents divorced?" I hadn't known that.

She frowned at me. "Um, duh, they divorced! I thought you knew."

"Well, sorry. I can't exactly read minds, so sorry if I didn't know as soon as it happened." I didn't mean to snap at her -we'd just talked after a year and a half- but how was I supposed to know that her parents divorced?

"Oh... yeah. Turns out my... dad was having an affair with this... lady, and... yeah. Mom was... pretty crushed."

I stared, shocked at her. "I... I don't even know what to say... I had no idea! That's terrible, Jade!"

She nodded, her eyes flashing. "He was doing it the whole time me and Mom were on a school trip. I just... never realized that he would do something... I think Mom sort of knew, but she didn't want it to be real, you know?"

I stared at her. "I'm so sorry. It's gotta be really hard for you guys."

"Yep." Jade looked away. I could've sworn she was wiping a tear from her cheek.

"So... is everything okay?" I asked.

Jade rolled her eyes. "What the heck, Nik! Do I look like I'm okay?" Another tear splashed down her blotchy face. "My mom is dating!"

"Oh." I frowned. Wasn't that a good thing? "I'm... sorry."

Jade sniffed. "Yeah. Whatever, honestly. I don't even care."

"Oh. Then... why'd you call?" I didn't want to sound rude; I was just trying to figure out the situation.

"Because I thought you'd understand! But apparently not!" Jade scowled at me.

I thought for a moment. That was sort of a big accusation. I did understand- somewhat, at least. "Do you need to talk about it?" I asked calmly.

Jade shrugged, not saying anything for a moment. I watched her jaw work as she tried to swallow her tears. Then she spoke up. "I... guess I just... want her all to myself. My mom, I mean. That sounds really stupid, but... I've kind of felt like I'm losing her, you know? And her new boyfriend is super good to her, and nice, nicer than I ever am to her, and I just feel like I'm not good enough or nice enough for my mom." She sniffled, smearing tears and snot all over her face. Wow, I don't think I've seen her ugly cry since her pet hamster Lilac died three years ago.

"Ohhhh. Yeah, that's super tough. I'm sure that your mom loves you though. That's how moms work. They don't care if you're a jerk. They... just love you anyway, you know?"

Jade nodded. She swallowed again. "I- I guess. Thanks, Nik."

I smiled. "No problem."

I need to get her mind off of this, even for a few minutes. "So... want to take this personality quiz? Nol found it and I think it works, but I'm not sure. Here's a link."

Sniffing, Jade pulled up the quiz on her phone. "Oh, hey, I remember these quizzes." She smiled, referring to an old tradition we used to have, back when we were still best friends.

"Cool! We can go over the questions together, if you want."

"Sure!"

We smiled at each other and started on the quiz. I realized how much I missed Jade. It felt good to help her and listen to her story, and it had me wishing I could tell her mine. But... I knew I couldn't. She wouldn't understand, and she would brush it off or try to change the subject. I couldn't lay all my worries on a person, anyway. It wouldn't be fair. No one deserved that kind of worry placed on their shoulders.

. . .

Nol banged on my door loudly, calling, "Hey, Nikki!" As usual, he had little respect for my peace and quiet.

I had just finished talking to my friend, Jade. We had taken the quiz and ended up with a mistyping of personality in the results, but the procedure of taking the quiz had been fun. It had also gotten Jade's mind off of her predicament, and I felt good for helping her.

"Nikki!" he yelled again, opening my door. He stopped when he saw my face. "Whoa, what are you thinking about?"

"Death," I said, glaring straight at my brother.

He grinned. Then, his grin faded. "Hey, Nik, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm fine. Why do you ask?" My heart started pounding in my chest, threatening to flood my throat with weary tears.

"Because... it feels like... you've been sad. Or you are sad." Nolan narrowed his eyes, not unkindly but worriedly, at me.

He was like that. My older brother was super intuitive, and also very outgoing and sensitive to feelings. He could tell when any one of his friends were sad, and made it his responsibility to help them feel better.

"Nah, I'm fine." I explained about Jade and her mom, hoping that Nol would think my emotions reflected hers, that I'm sad because she was sad.

"Ohhh. That sucks." Nolan frowned. "How come you talked to her after so long?"

"I dunno, actually. She just called, and..." she only called because she wanted to talk about herself. She didn't really want to talk to me, did she? "Do you need something? Or did you just come to talk?"

"Oh, I wanted to tell you that my friends are coming over in a few minutes. We're watching a movie down in the basement, if you want to come."

"Oh..." I sighed. Nol's friends are so cool. He's always trying to make me join in their fun, but... I didn't want to be that dumb little sister who always tagged along and spoiled everyone's fun. "I... don't know." It would be fun, for me. But what if my brother's friends didn't want me to watch it with them? What if I ruined everything with my terrible social skills and brutal honesty and awkwardness? What if I screwed it all up?

"Well... try to hurry to make up your mind. And I'd prefer if you were there, because I maybe already told my friends that you would be there." Nol squinted at me. "Is that okay?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess I can come. Why'd you tell them I'd be there though?"

He shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. "My friends like you. You're funny. Also, I figured you'd want to come. You do, right?"

"Frankly, I don't really care," I bluffed. "Do you need help with the popcorn? I don't want it to be burned." I followed my brother out into the hallway and down to the kitchen.

I had to admit, as I started putting together the snacks, that it felt nice to be wanted, even if it was for a small, trite thing such as my sense of humor.

Plus, I liked Nolan's friends. They were genuinely cool and noble. You don't get that in kids a lot anymore, much less any humans.

Also, I'm only going because I want to. I wouldn't go if I didn't want to, plain and simple.

. . .

"Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!"

Nol's friends were sprawled out all over the couches and chairs in the basement. I awkwardly slunk in and sat on the beanbag chair, trying not to draw attention to myself.

"Nikki!" Nol's best friend, Art, the one who'd shouted the Star Wars reference grinned at me. "Good to see you!"

"Ah, yeah, you too," I said quietly.

"Nik! Hi!"

"'Sup, Nikki."

"Greetings!"

"Hey."

All of my brother's friends chronologically greeted me in seating order. There's Art Vance, Nolan's best friend; Vince Clarke, a recent friend of Nol's and an interesting graphic design fanboy; Aaritra Camde, the chess master of the 11th grade; Caytlin James, who I think is technically goth, even though that's kind of out of style, but who cares, she's cool anyway; next up is Jack Pearson, who I can only describe as ultra-nerd-gamer-who-also-likes-computers-and-dad-jokes; and Bette Doller, a funny, sarcastic book lover.

So, my brother hung out with losers. Sure. But... they were cool losers. And they were nice to me, so I stuck around.

Aaritra patted the seat on the couch next to her. "Come up here! There's plenty of room!"

I got up, my cheeks flaming red. Couldn't I have just sat on the beanbag in the nice, quiet corner?

I sat down next to Aaritra, who put an arm around me.

"I've missed you, Nik! Where've you been?"

"Yeah," Caytlin added. "There's this new metal album I want you to hear." I could tell she was really trying to make me feel comfortable.

I stumbled over my next words, cursing my awkwardness. "Oh, you know... I've been busy... with, uh, stuff."

"Hm. Well, it's good to see you." Aaritra smiled warmly at me. She was really pretty, with super soft brown eyes and shiny hair. I couldn't help but feel ugly next to her.

Caytlin wasn't pretty, but she made up for it by being so... her. She wore striking black eyeliner and lipstick, and I've never seen her without a pair of Docs on, their laces trailing behind her. She never seems to trip, though, somehow.

Bette shushed us, throwing a friendly grin my way. "Time for the movie. What'd you pick, Nolan?"

Nolan opened his mouth to answer, but Jack held up a hand for silence.

"Vince and me have come to a conclusion," he said dramatically. Vince nodded exaggeratedly from the other sofa across the room. "The conclusion is..."

"Ugh," Bette groaned. "Not again."

Jack cleared his throat. "Vince, would you do the honors?"

"Just get on with it," Caytlin urged. She looked at me sympathetically. "He does this every time."

Vince smiled. "We've come to the conclusion that Nolan always picks the same movie when it's his turn."

"Oh. That's all?" I asked. I had received the impression that they were about to announce something big.

"Yes!" Jack cried. "It is a grievous crime, and Nolan will pay for it by getting totally and wholly ruined when I beat him, by a landslide, at a whole plethora of video games, selected by yours truly. Up for losing, N?" he asked, grinning defiantly.

Nolan blinked. "I don't pick the same movie every time," he said defensively. "I just happen to enjoy a few good movies."

"Ah, he's denying the truth!" Jack turned to Bette and winked, then repeated the gesture at my brother. "You may not know what is going on, but I certainly do!" He grinned mischievously.

"Um, sure," Bette said, her cheeks flushing magenta. I've suspected that she secretly likes my brother, and he might like her too. That must be what Jack was talking about.

"Okay, before this can get any more awkward," Art said, "let's just watch the movie, okay?"

"Good idea," Caytlin agreed. "Nolan, want to put in the movie?"

Nolan blinked. "Um. Yes." He leaned over the DVD player and put in the disk.

We all sat back as the movie began to play. It was a movie that Nol had picked several times before- one of his favorites. It was an old film- a black and white. It's a Wonderful Life.

As the opening screen played of the large bell ringing, Bette exclaimed, "Oh, I love this movie! It's so good!"

I saw Vince raise an eyebrow at my brother out of the corner of my eye and mouth, I told you. Nolan blushed and shot him a glare.

Huh. Bette's cool, I guess.