There was a knock on the front door. It couldn't be Jesse—he always used the kitchen door for some reason. Probably because—whatever.

I got up and went to the door, since no one else was downstairs (or everybody was just being lazy) and opened the door.

As soon as I opened it, I was tackled by a hug. I think I screamed a little, actually, then I screamed a little more when I saw who was hugging me.

It was... Aaritra? And Caytlin? And—all of them? What...

"We're so sorry!" Aaritra sobbed into my shoulder. "We didn't know!"

"Nik..." Caytlin said, hugging me tighter. "I'm so sorry."

Bette was hugging me and hiccoughing and crying. "Oh, Nikki, this is terrible... I'm so..." I knew what she meant.

Jack hugged me too, and so did Art, and even Vince did, for a second, and then pulled back, his face red but his eyes sad.

For a moment, I was surrounded by the comfort of shared grief. They all kept holding me—well, most of them, anyway—and I felt a little bit better, but there was still that empty hollow in my chest that prevented me from smiling.

"Nikki, we're... really sorry," Vince said quietly.

Stupid moths in my stomach.

"Yeah, me too," I murmured. More than you could know.

Caytlin winked back a tear in her eyes. "Your parents were great people, Nik. And Nolan was a great guy. Really great."

I bit hard on my lip to keep from crying again. "Do you guys wanna come inside? You could meet my... stepgrandma."

"Of course! As long as you don't mind," Aaritra said quickly.

I nodded. "Okay, but be forewarned. Nonna is... a little..."

"Italian grandmotherly?" Jack offered, his eyes twinkling.

I nodded and stepped back inside. "C'mon, she's in here."

They followed me in through the main corridor and into the kitchen. I yelled, "Nonna, do you want to meet my friends?"

The term 'friends' was a new one to me, but it felt nice in my mouth.

Nonna appeared at the basement stairs, holding a basket of bruschetta bread and a wheel of Parmesan cheese from her special food storage place. She beamed when she saw my friends.

"Children! Welcome! We're about to eat supper, you must stay for it." She set the basket on the counter and rummaged in the refrigerator, pulling out an array of covered dishes. "Tonight is Chicken Parmigiana."

My friends looked mildly surprised.

"Um... well, I guess I could stay," Vince said slowly. "My parents are going to a dinner, so..."

My stupid heart kept just a tiny bit when he said that. I shoved it back down. Stupid Nikki.

"Lemme ask my mom," Jack said eagerly, whipping out his phone. A few seconds later he announced proudly that he would stay too.

Aaritra smiled at Nonna. "I can," she told us. Leaning back, she whispered in my ear, "I like her. She reminds me of my Naani."

I laughed at that. "Just wait 'till you know her."

Caytlin looked slightly put out by Nonna's enthusiastic bustling around. "Uh. I can... I'll... ask my dad."

"Come, sit down," Nonna said, gesturing at the kitchen table. "It's time for eating." She took a deep breath and hollered up to my siblings. "WILLA! ZACHARY! TIME TO EAT!"

Willa came down the stairs, bumping fists with Art and Vince as she passed and greeting them cooly. How was my little sister so much cooler than me?

Z didn't come down, so Nonna turned to me. "Nikki, could you..." she gestured upstairs helplessly.

"Sure." I nodded and climbed the stairs, going to Z's room. I knocked on his door and opened it, almost knocked back by the stench of vomit that emanated from his room. "Z, your room stinks," I said to him. He was lying on his bed, twirling a ballpoint pen in his fingers. He sat up quickly.

All of a sudden, it all hit me like a truck. How skinny my brother looked, how little he was eating, the smell coming from his room—

My little brother was forcing himself to vomit.

He must have... what was it called? Anorexia?

That was a serious disease. But... not the worst thing he could have. At least he didn't have cancer or what Nolan had.

"Z, why didn't you tell me?" I asked softly.

He said nothing for a bit—just looked up at the ceiling, biting his lip like he was trying not to cry. Then he spoke. "I'm..." he struggled to get the words out. "I'm broken, Nikki."

I stared at him. "Z..." was all I could get out.

"I'm broken." He let out a dry sob and curled up on his bed. "Please go away."

I walked over and sat on the edge of his bed. "Z..." I said again. "Z, you're not broken."

"Yes," he gasped, tears running down his cheeks, "I am, Nikki. You can't say that I'm not."

I swallowed. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. Please just leave me alone. I need to be alone."

"N-no, I don't think you do." I scrambled for something to say.

Some words that would help him.

Something that would make him feel loved.

What could I possibly say to show him I cared? What words were strong enough?

But then, I remembered something I'd heard a while ago.

Sometimes words aren't strong enough.

Grandmother. Grandmother said that.

~four~years~ago~

"Grandmother, Jade said her parents were fighting again."

I was ten, and the whole concept of unhappy marriages was completely alien and new to me. I'd thought all people were as happy together as my parents. Why get married if you didn't like each other? I'd come to Grandmother for answers, and I always did, and as she always gave them.

Grandmother sighed, shaking her head. "That's terrible. How does she feel about it?"

I swallowed. "Well, I'm not sure. I asked her, and she said... she said she didn't know, Grandmother." I frowned up at her, squinting.

Grandmother nodded solemnly. "Poor girl. What did you say to her?"

"I... didn't know what to say, not really. Everything felt... fake."

"Dear, sometimes all you can do is show how much you love them by your actions. Words mean, sadly, nothing in this ineloquent world. But your actions... you can do so much with those. Do you understand, Nikki?"

I shook my head. "What do you mean, Grandmother?"

She smiled gently at me. "You'll learn in time. For now, just be there for your friend."

~present~

Grandmother was like that. She never pushed knowledge onto me, never forced me to understand things. I used to hate that she acted like I was a child, but now, I realize just how much she cared about me. I got to be a kid for so long and I hated it, but now all I want to be is a kid again.

"But your actions...you can do so much with those."

I leaned over Z and gave him a hug. "I love you, Z."

Z was still crying, but I felt him hug me back. He clung to me like a child.

"I love you," I told him again, holding him tight.

"I love you, too," Z whispered.

. . .

"Where is Zachary?" Nonna asked me quietly.

"Taking a shower," I whispered back. "He'll be down in a few minutes."

Nonna raised an eyebrow, but I shook my head. "He's fine."

I went to the table and sat down, among my friends—my family, however broken we all were. It didn't matter. We were all together. And I loved them. And they loved me. Z came down and I smiled at him. He smiled back, tentatively, and then his cornflower eyes lit and his face split with a smile. I loved him.

. . .