"Jade! I've missed you so much, you don't even understand," Leigh-Anne says as she crashes into Jade with a hug. It is their first back at work after having some time off during the holidays, and Jade and Leigh-Anne are the only ones to arrive on time to the the scheduled meeting. While Leigh-Anne is excited to go back to work to point where she will not let the smile leave her face for a second, Jade is feeling anxious and nervous. She has not seen Perrie even since they broke up, and is scared of what it would be like to hug her again, even it is nothing but a brief gesture done out of politeness. Hell, she wonders what it would be like to just be in the same room as Perrie. "And your hair looks so good!"

"Thanks," Jade replies with a shy smile. After Perrie dyed Jade's hair grey, Jade found out that the dye she had bought was not of the best kind. Just like during her blue hair phase, everything her hair touched turned grey and the furniture in her flat was stained so much that Jade is pretty sure Danielle will never forgive her. The day after Perrie came over, Jade dyed her hair properly at a hair salon, and is not ashamed to admit it looks, and feels, a lot better now. "How was Christmas?"

"It was so good. I was my dad's, and I got to hang out with my little niece and nephews. Faith sang a couple of songs for me, and I'm not even joking, I think she has a future in the industry. Do you want to see some videos?" Leigh-Anne asks and pulls out her phone. She shows Jade videos of her niece, photos of Christmas dishes her mother had made, of her baby nephew Jacob and of the whole Pinnock family. Jade is trying her best to remain focused, but as Leigh-Anne explains the story behind each image, Jade glances at the door every couple of seconds. She cannot wait for Perrie to come in and take her breath away like she does by simply existing. The room slowly fills up, and more and more people come in, most of them which work for Sony, but Perrie and Jesy are nowhere to be found.

"Leigh? Do you know where Jes and Pez are? It's not like them to be this late. The meeting was supposed to start ten minutes ago," Jade says when Leigh-Anne is done going through the photos.

"I have no idea, and you're right. So you call Perrie, and I call Jes," Leigh-Anne tells Jade as she searches for Jesy's contact on her phone. Jade stays still and presses her lips together as she looks up at the ceiling. A pointless phone call about work definitely is not the way she would have wanted to break the silence between Perrie and her.

"It's better if you call Perrie and I call Jes," Jade says and grabs her phone. She can feel Leigh-Anne's eyes on her as she calls Jesy.

"Everything okay between you two?" Leigh-Anne asks.

"Not really," Jade quietly replies. "We broke up." There is a moment of silence in which Leigh-Anne processes what she was just told. Meanwhile, people sit down at the conference table and are preparing to begin the meeting.

"What do you mean you broke up? Like, officially?" Leigh-Anne whispers in disbelief.

"Yeah. Jed is my boyfriend now," Jade answers with forced smile. She knows that Leigh-Anne can see right through her, but tries to hide her emotions anyway, since she does not want to become overwhelmed right now.

"What? When did this happen? And… why?" Leigh-Anne asks, still confused with all of the information that was dropped on her.

"Like a week ago. But I don't feel like getting into it right now," Jade replies as tears form in her eyes. She feels all of the emotions she had tried to push away this past week; the grief and disappointment, everything that would have made Jed suspect that something is off. She pretended all week that everything was fine, but this is getting harder each day, and Jade does not feel like she can continue to do that any more.

Jesy answers the phone, and Jade is thankful for the distraction.

"Hi," Jade begins. Her voice sounds fragile from the tears, so she clears her throat before she continues to speak. "We were just wondering if everything's alright. Why aren't you here yet?"

"I'm at Perrie's," Jesy softly says. Jade forcefully shuts her eyes and waits for the initial pain that this information brings to pass. She wishes that she could run away from her busy life and take the time she needs to in order to heal from this break up. She wishes she was somewhere else, anywhere but here, but most of all, Jade wishes she could hug Perrie right now. "Jade, why didn't you tell us sooner?" Jesy asks, and concern is clearly present in her voice.

"I haven't really told anyone anything," Jade says in an apologetic tone. After all of the stress and efforts which were put into telling people about her relationship with Perrie, Jade cannot imagine how she is going to break the news to any of her friends and family members. "Is she okay?" Jade quietly asks.

"She called me crying this morning, but she's okay now. You should've told us, Jade. Either you or Perrie. Someone should've let us know, so we could help," Jesy tells Jade. Jade knows that Jesy's intentions are purely good, but her words only add to the harsh feeling of guilt Jade is already experiencing. She cannot believe that after everything they have been through together, she is now the reason why Perrie starts her day sobbing and skips work. "Tell Sam that Perrie can't come today and that I'm staying with her, so you can go ahead and start without us," Jesy adds.

"Okay," is all Jade manages to choke out before the call ends. Leigh-Anne and her sit and stare at the table in front of them, since they are both quite shocked and do not know what to say. That is until Jade's name is called, and she turns her head to see Sam approaching her.

"Hi, girls," Sam says to Jade and Leigh-Anne. "Where are Jesy and Perrie?"

"Perrie is ill," Jade is quick to jump in. She is not too sure as to why she is hiding information from Sam, but feels like she is protecting Perrie by doing so.

"Yeah, and Jesy's taking care of her," Leigh-Anne adds. There is a moment of silence before Sam replies.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Sam says, then moves her gaze to Jade. "I was planning to talk to you and Perrie, but since she isn't here… Jade, can you stay a bit longer after the meeting?"

"Um, yeah. Sure," Jade answers after a few seconds of shock of confusion.

"Good," Sam says with a professional smile, then take her seat at the head of the table. The meeting starts, and Jade finds is extremely hard to concentrate. There is nothing she wants more than to show up Perrie’s house, or at least call her; Jade feels terrible for hurting Perrie, and would like to make up for it somehow, but knows that this is not the right time. She must give Perrie some time to recover on her own before she reaches out to offer help.

The discussion turns heated when representatives of Sony begin arguing with those of Modest. If Jesy was here, she probably would have been the one chime in and express the girls' opinion on this matter, but she is not, so Jade feels like she should do it. However, she has no clue what the discussion is even about, since she has been so distracted, so she stays silent. Leigh-Anne ends up speaking up for the four of them, and Jade feels great relief when the meeting is finally over, even though no decisions were made, and another meeting has been scheduled for tomorrow. As everyone put on their coats and heads out of the room, Jade prepares to do the same, but is then approached by Sam.

"Do you have a few minutes?" Sam asks Jade, and Jade remembers that she had agreed to talk to her.

"Yeah," Jade replies. Shs hugs Leigh-Anne goodbye, and after Leigh-Anne exits the room, Jade and Sam are left alone.

"How are you?" Sam asks with a smile as they sit down next to each other. Jade could not care less about anything that does not involve Perrie right now, so she stays indifferent.

"Tired," Jade replies.

"How was your vacation to Paris?" Sam asks the one question Jade does not want to answer. She feels herself getting triggered, but knows that Sam is probably just being polite, so she needs to answer politely as well.

"It was alright, thank you," Jade says. By the way Sam is looking at her, Jade can tell that her answer did not satisfy her. A few moments pass before Jade finally realizes what is going on; Sam wants to hear about her relationship with Jed. How come did Jade not think about this sooner? Jed and his band are well known in the US, exactly where Little Mix is trying to build a stable fan base. Sam probably sees this relationship as a marketing opportunity. "If you're asking if Jed and I are a couple, then the answer is yes," Jade tells Sam.

"I am. Thank you for clarifying that," Sam replies. "So, Jade, as long as you and Jed make sure to have a strong presence on social media, I'm completely fine with you and Perrie acting however you want in public." Jade's eyes shoot open as Perrie's name is mentioned. She is suddenly very interested in the conversation, and looks at Sam. "Does that sound okay?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Jade asks with a puzzled expression. She is not sure she heard Sam correctly. Is it really that easy? Is Jed what Jade needed all along in order to openly be with Perrie?

"As long as your fans know that you have a boyfriend, the way you interact with Perrie doesn't matter. The rumors won't go far, because you have Jed, so that's the ultimate proof that Jerrie, or whatever it's called, is just a joke."

"So what you're saying is that Perrie and I can do whatever we want now?" Jade's tone is full of disbelief and excitement.

"I am," Sam assures her. Jade feels truly happy for the first time this week as she puts on her coat and hugs Sam goodbye. She cannot believe that this is happening, that Jed actually brought some light into her life after all. She cannot wait to tell Perrie about this, and for a split second gets lost in planning how she would do that, but then remembers that she has not spoken to Perrie in a week. Jade feels terrible again, just like she did these past few days. A lot has happened since she had left Perrie, yet everything has felt the same. It is all boring, dull and simply uninteresting.

×××

The next day, Perrie wakes up feeling guilty for missing work the previous day. Jade was the last person she wanted to see. She was the one who has been there for Perrie after she broke up with Zayn, and now Jade is the one who hurt Perrie. Due to these reasons, Perrie had spent yesterday crying to Jesy and telling her about all of the happiness and joy she used to share with Jade. Jesy did everything Perrie had wanted her to - she did not pass any judgment, only listened. Perrie did not say anything bad about Jade, because even though Jade hurt her, Perrie understood why. There was too much pressure and too much secrecy, and Jade had an out. She had an easier option, and she chose it; just like Perrie had wanted her to do in the past. This reminded Perrie of how, more than anything, she loves and misses Jade as a friend. That is why she decided to attend the meeting today, even though she would have liked to spend another day at home.

"We're here, miss," the driver tells Perrie and snaps her out of her thoughts. She unfastens her seat belt and pulls her wallet out in order to pay for the ride, and as she does so, she notices another cab parked near, and Jade stepping out of it. Her appearance quite literally takes Perrie's breath away for a moment; she is wearing a denim overall over a white crop top which makes her beautiful figure only more noticeable. Perrie does not make any movement as she watches Jade enter the Sony music offices, and is suddenly filled with panic. She realizes that she does not know how how to act around Jade anymore. Perrie has been Jade's best friend for four years and her girlfriend for four months, but it is almost as if she cannot remember how things were before that kiss in Sweden.

What is she supposed to do when she walks in, and they find themselves in the same room? She is not able to kiss Jade anymore, so should she settle for a hug? Would it be okay to touch her at all? Because it could get overwhelming. They probably will not speak much, and sit on other ends of the table even though they miss each other endlessly, and everyone will wonder what is going on between them. As if Perrie needed more people to worry about her after she did not show up to the meeting yesterday, and got a handful of get well soon wishes afterwards. She can only guess that Jade is responsible for these.

Perrie decides that seeing Jade in person is progress enough for today. She knows that she will not be able to handle being in the same room as her, so she places her wallet back in her purse and puts her seat belt back on.

"Actually, I'd like to drive back, if that's okay with you," Perrie tells the driver. He nods, and soon afterwards they are on the high way again, driving the opposite direction of Jade.

When Perrie is finally back home, she unlocks the front door and steps inside. She sighs after locking the door behind her and looking around. She will be moving out in a few weeks in order to live with Ellie in Surrey, and her house currently looks like a mess. It is the fourth time she is moving this year, and she feels like her life is so unstable she cannot even live anywhere permanently.

Perrie walks up the stairs to her bedroom, where she searches the drawers for three handwritten pages. A few minutes later, she finds what she was looking for and sits down on the edge of her bed. Back when Jade and her were still trying to figure things out, after Jade told Perrie how she felt about her, Jade made a list of her fears and worries about a possible relationship between them. Perrie had previously read it and solved some of Jade's listed concerns, but she is curious as to whether they will be relevant now, and if any of them came true.

PART ONE

1. Losing Jesy and Leigh-Anne: We are going to have to make sure that they are comfortable with everything. We will have to stop if this damages our friendship with them. We can't be a gross couple in front of anyone, especially not them. Not to turn everything awkward between the four of us.

Perrie smiles as she reads this clause. Jade and her have been through a lot, and their relationship has affected lots of different aspects of their lives, but Perrie can proudly admit that it did not damage their friendship with Leigh-Anne and Jesy. She cannot tell exactly why nothing really changed in their dynamics as a group, but assumes that it is probably due to the fact that Jade and her always had a special connection. It was never about loving less or more when it came to Perrie's relationship with Jesy and Leigh-Anne compared to her one with Jade, it was more about loving in a slightly different way. Maybe nothing dramatic happened after Jade and her got together because the possibility of it happening was always there. Looking back, Perrie cannot believe she had arranged a bath with chocolate and biscuits for Jade and thought it was a completely normal thing to do. Perhaps some part of her knew all along that they belong together.

Perrie skips to the second part of Jade's list, the more personal one. She remembers writing responses to Jade's concerns when she was in a very different situation; Jade wanted a relationship, while Perrie was just enjoying the sexual attention she had received from Jade.

PART TWO

1. I'm terrified of getting hurt, it reads, and below is Perrie's answer: I can't promise anything, but I will never do anything to purposely hurt you♡.

Perrie is hit by the realization that she has no idea how Jade is handling the break up. If Perrie thought she herself is in a sticky situation, then she cannot even imagine what Jade is going through right now. Perrie does not feel any anger towards Jade, more towards reality for making it so much easier for them to be apart rather than together. This is the second tough break up Perrie has been through this year, and it feels terrible, but at least she has the time to recover from this one. Jade does not, however, since she is now with Jed.

It is the first time since the events of last week that Perrie feels the pure need to check in with Jade as her best friend. She grabs her phone and taps on Jade's contact name, but before she calls, she debates on whether this is a good idea. She remembers that Jade is always surrounded by friends, and that right now, she is with Jesy and Leigh-Anne at a meeting. Jade probably does not need her as a friend, she has enough people whom she trusts around her. So Perrie places her phone back on the nightstand and continues reading the list.

2. I never imagined my future family to be built with one of my bandmates, and it still doesn't feel right... This has no future on the long term. Perrie closes her eyes as she takes in the fact that Jade and her were both right all along, and that none of this was ever meant to work. But we could have fun now♡ Perrie buries her head in her hands as she reads her own words. If only she would have returned the same feelings sooner, Jade would have never agreed to go out with Jed in the first place, and Perrie and her would have still been together now. Perrie sighs in frustration before she continues reading.