as i began to stir from my sleep, i realized where i was. i was on a plane.

the landing was taking place and i knew where i had arrived to.

malaysia.

i stepped off the plane and breathed in the air of my hometown and felt a sense of nostalgia wash over me.

i felt my legs begin to grow weak with every step. i knew the closer i got to the luggage, the closer i got to going home.

it was the last place i wanted to be.

i wanted to return to minho's arms, but instead he was back in korea working while i'm here suffering.

i grabbed my bags as quickly as possible to not dwell on matters any longer.

i saw my mom waiting for me at the gates with a sad expression on her face. i wish we were seeing each other under happier circumstances.

"sungie," she smiled halfheartedly, bringing me into a hug, "im so glad to see you."

"are you?" i asked her, seeing the tears prick at her eyes.

"i wish the reason was different... but yes, i am." she admitted to me, "let's go see your father."

i hopped in the car and she drove us back to my childhood home.

it looked exactly the same as i had always remembered, but upon walking inside, there was a smell that entered my nose and it was completely foreign to me.

"mom, what's that smell?" i asked her as i grabbed my nose to plug it.

"you can't tell?" she questioned, "it's the stench of death."

her expression fell and her eyes grew dark.

she stated at me with hatred in her eyes and angry fumed off of her.

"mom..." i spoke with a shaky voice, stepping back every time she stepped towards me.

"this is all your fault." she snapped at me.

"w-what is?" i asked he nervously.

"YOUR FATHER IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!" she shouted at me, "HE IS DEAD JISUNG AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE. IF ONLY YOU DIED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!"

"my fault?"

"YOU KILLED HIM!"

"no...no...no..."

"jisung?" i heard an familiar voice call out, "JISUNG! JISUNG WAKE UP!"

jisungs body shot upwards as he gasped for air. his body was shaking violently as his cheeks were coated in tears.

"what were you dreaming about? you were screaming in your sleep." minho said with a concerned look on his face.

"nothing... i have to use the bathroom." jisung abruptly stood up and ran out of the room.

minho went to follow after him, but jisung had already locked himself up in the bathroom.

jisung sat on the other side of the door, curled up in a ball shaking violently.

minho knocked on the door repeatedly, calling out to jisung, trying to get through to him.

jisung continued ignoring minho. every knock seeming to get more distant. it was as if jisung was fading out of that reality and into another one.

felix eventually woke up due to all the noise and walked over to where he saw minho standing outside of the bathroom door.

"everything okay?" felix asked the boy.

"no, he had a nightmare and then ran in here when i asked him about it." minho explained.

"ugh... i guess they're back." felix frowned as he slid his back down the wall to sit on the ground.

minho joined the boy on the floor, waiting for jisung to walk out of the bathroom.

"i wish i could help him." minho let out a heavy sigh.

"i'm sure you do, but jisung has to be willing to accept your help first. he's not very good at doing that though." felix explained to the latter.

"i know," minho stated, "he did tell me what his nightmare was about last time i was with him and he had one. i hope it wasn't the same thing this time."

"why? was it really bad last time?" felix questioned nervously.

minho thought back to jisung telling him the nightmares were about his father and immediately felt the worry wash over him. he just nodded in response to felix's question.

a silence fell over the boys as they heard the bathroom door begin to open. as they looked up and over towards the door entrance, there stood jisung, appearing rather disheveled.

"sungie..." felix called out.

"ji, you okay?" minho asked as he placed a hand on the boys shoulder.

"fine... let's go back to bed." jisung said with a monotone voice and a blank expression. he grabbed onto minho's hand and started dragging the boy towards the bedroom.

"are we going to talk about what just happened?" minho asked.

"nope," jisung stated as he stopped in his tracks, "and felix... go back to bed. i'll see you in the morning."

"okay, goodnight sungie." felix responded reluctantly. jisung then began walking again, stilling pulling minho along with him.

"jisung, are you having those same nightmares as before?" minho asked worriedly.

"we're not talking about this."

"jisung, please. i just want to help you."

"what do you want me tot ell you minho? that i had a dream my mother hated me because i killed my father? is that what you wanted to hear?" jisung asked, raising his voice slightly.

"jisung-" as minho was about to speak, jisung's phone began to ring.

"it's my mom..."

a.n.

how do i stop missing someone?