felix arrived at his grandmothers home, which is where his mother had shipped him off to right after his father had passed away.

when he entered the home, he smelt the combination of vanilla and cinnamon from his grandmothers lovely baking.

"mimi, im home" felix called out, immediately being engulfed by his grandmothers embrace.

"YONGBOKKIE!" she screamed as she continued to tightly hug the boy, "i missed you so much!"

"i missed you too." felix said as his grandmother used all her strength to hug him, which resulted in her practically crushing the boys lungs.

"jisoo, you should rest, stop attacking your grandson." his grandmothers nurse teased.

felix's grandmother was sick and she had been for a while. the nurse came and helped out with taking care of his grandmother since felix really could not manage to do it alone.

felix knew she was dying but he didn't really want to admit it. his grandmother was the only person there for him after his father died. his father was her son after all, they had to be there for eachother.

they only had eachother. she had no husband, and felixs mother was hardly a mother anymore. when felix has to eventually deal with losing his grandmother, it will be hard for him to recover.

"where were you last night? i thought you got back from australia yesterday?" his grandmother asked as she tapped her foot impatiently.

"sorry mimi, I stayed at chans last night. all the boys slept over since we go back to school on monday." felix explained, the thought of school immediately filling him with dread.

"did you have to see changbitch last night?" she asked causing felix to stifle a laugh.

"don't call him that!" felix said, "but yes he was there."

"why shouldn't i call him that? he's a little bitch! breaking my grandsons heart..." she muttered angrily, but in an adorable way since she had a heart of pure gold and could never seriously get angry.

"mimi! you know i still like him!" felix continued giggling, making his grandmother laugh in return.

her laughs quickly turned into a coughing fit, making her nurse rush to her side and try to help her through it.

she immediately was put on her nebulizer and eventually was able to calm down again.

"you okay mimi?" felix asked with a worried expression plastered on his face.

"im fine, you just made me choke on my saliva i was laughing so hard!" she claimed, but felix knew better than to believe her.

"okay, sure." felix laughed it off, trying not to make it obvious he was worrying about her.

"she's getting worse isn't she?" felix asked, pulling his grandmothers nurse aside.

"felix..." the nurse, nurse chaeryoung, let out a heavy sigh, "it's not looking too good."

"how long do you think she has?" felix questioned, trying to hold back tears from even beginning to form.

"well around a year and a half ago the doctors said she had six months so im not really sure what to believe anymore." nurse chaeryoung shrugged.

"right..." felix let out a heavy sigh as he made his way up to his bedroom.

as soon as he got in there, he was reminded of all he tried to forget over the summer.

he was greeted by the polaroids him and changbin took that hung on his wall, changbin's sweatshirt he had borrowed one day and forgot to give back, and the framed photo of him and his dad that rested on his night stand.

the two people that caused the most pain in felixs life were changbin and his own father.

felix doesn't talk about what happened to his father.

he thinks it's better not to.

but seeing that he is the exact same as his dad once was... he probably should talk about it to someone.

felix stared at the photo of him and his father and questioned how he could leave him. felix adored his father, he was the boys biggest role model. yet felix wasn't enough for his dad... at least that's how felix felt.

his father committed suicide the summer before felix entered high school. which completely tore him up inside. felix was broken, but not quite as broken as his mother.

his mother was no longer present. she sent felix off to korea for his grandmother to deal with and had her daily breakdowns consisting of her wasting all her time and money on booze rather than seeking actual help.

felix doesn't blame his father though... he's not mad at him, he doesn't feel betrayed.

he just wished sometimes that he could be with him again, even if that meant doing exactly what his father had done four years ago.

felix was losing hope, he slowly was starting to slip into a place that would be hard to come back from.

he was getting lost in the darkness and part of him didn't even want to be found. he wanted to be captured by it, and never to be seen again.

a.n.

my anxiety is so bad today

oof

thanks for all the love on this story though, you all make my days so much better with all your comments 🥺