the following day felix sat in his last class before lunch, completely zoning out and forgetting about the lecture he was meant to be paying attention to.

chan sat beside the boy, wondering what was going through felix's mind in that moment. chan had a feeling felix was lying to him about being okay, but he had no idea how to get the boy to open up to him.

the bell rang, signaling the end of the period and chan stood there, waiting for felix to collect his things so they could head to lunch.

"you okay?" chan asked felix for what seemed like the one hundredth time that day.

"i'm fine channie, how many times would you like me to tell you that?" felix asked with a slight giggle leaving his lips.

"as many as it takes for it to be true." chan responded as he wrapped his arm around the boy while the walked into the cafeteria.

"it is true, you just refuse to believe me." felix sighed, still smiling.

"i don--" before chan could continue, his words were interrupted by the disruptions at their table.

"give me that seat!" minho said angrily to jeongin who sat comfortably beside jisung.

"no, take changbin's seat!" jeongin shot back, shaking his head no vigorously.

"changbin, get the fuck up!" minho insisted.

"what's going on?" chan asked as he and felix took seats at the opposite end of the table.

"jeongin doesn't want to sit next to hyunjin so he stole minho's usual seat." seungmin explained quietly to the two boys.

"ah... makes sense." chan nodded.

"jisung, sit here." felix suggested as he got up and took jisung's seat. this made it so minho could take the empty seat beside hyunjin and jisung could take felix's seat.

"felix..." chan called out to the boy, knowing he was about to place himself in a seat beside his ex.

"it's fine chan." felix assured him before taking his seat.

as he crouched down for his butt to meet the seat, he felt his jeans brush against his thighs, causing him to wince in pain.

"you okay?" changbin asked instinctively.

"yeah, just sore." felix laughed nervously.

"from what?" changbin questioned, not realizing how intrusive he was coming off.

"working out..." felix trailed off, insinuating that his response was obvious.

"o-oh," changbin nodded to show he understood before staring down at his food.

felix sat there, going over his brief conversation with changbin in his head, there's no way he knows i'm cutting again, right? he's not suspicious, he can't be. he doesn't even care about me. even if he does know... .

"felix, are you okay?" jeongin asked the latter.

"i'm fine innie." felix beamed a smile at jeongin, making it less believable since there was no reason to smile so widely.

"felix, i know you're not." jeongin whispered to the boy, but not very quietly. changbin heard their exchange of words and instantly his worries grew.

changbin saw felix's leg anxiously shaking and his fists kept clenching and unclenching. he knew felix was looking to hold onto something, but chan was on the other side of the table, along with jisung...

those were the only other two people felix would really hold onto in a time of need... besides changbin of course. changbin couldn't stand to see the other boy so anxious.

"felix..." jeongin said again after not receiving a response from the boy. felix was spacing out as his anxiety continued to grow.

felix unintentionally reached his hand towards changbin. changbin noticed the action, and without really thinking about it, he slipped his hand into felix's.

felix looked over at changbin, who just gave him a slight nod to show it was okay. felix smiled half heartedly before turning back to jeongin.

"sorry, i spaced out, what did you say?" felix finally said. changbin heard the shakiness in felix's voice, but it was so subtle that their other friends would not be able to detect it.

"never mind." jeongin shook his head as he let out a loud sigh. changbin stifled a small laugh, earning a rather hard hit to the chest from felix.

this captured the interest of the other boys at the table. all their heads shot over to look at felix and changbin, and as soon as they did, changbin dropped felix's hand and turned towards hyunjin.

felix began to feel trapped by his emotions once more. not showing it on the outside, but on the inside he was deeply hurting.

felix just wanted to be seen by changbin like he once was, and for one fleeting moment it felt like he could be.

unfortunately, that's all it was... a fleeting moment. one that was not meant to last, at least not for the two of them.

a.n.

this is amongst my fav chapters, but i think 19 is my actual fav that i have written so far