felix entered changbin's empty home walking right beside the boy. changbin latched onto felix's hand and led him into the bathroom.

"felix..." changbin trailed off, "i know it's been awhile since we've been together, but would you mind taking off your pants... i want to help you clean the cuts."

"i-i don't know if i feel comfortable with that." felix said nervously, not because he cared if changbin saw him without his pants on, but because of the cuts going across his thighs.

"i'm not trying to force you into anything, i just want to know if it's because you don't want me to see you like that or if it's because you're afraid of me realizing something else." changbin hinted at what he knew, and felix felt the defeat wash over him.

"fine, i'll take them off since you already seem to know." felix sighed as he turned around and slowly removed his pants. he was thankful he chose to wear an oversized t-shirt that day.

"felix, are you harming yourself again?" changbin asked as he tried to avoid looking down at the latter's legs.

"see for yourself." felix sat on the toilet, keeping everything covered besides his legs.

"felix..." changbin sighed as he looked at the awful markings going across felix's thighs.

"why're you doing this?"

"i deserve it." felix mumbled, avoiding eye contact with changbin.

"how many times do i have to tell you that you don't?" changbin questioned.

"and how many times do i have to tell you i do?" felix questioned, "it's my fault."

"what's your fault?" changbin asked, having no idea what felix was referring to.

"i can't explain it," felix sighed, "just let me go."

"felix, you're not wearing pants. i'm not letting you go anywhere." changbin smiled at the boy, and in turn felix happened to smile too.

felix could never resist smiling once he saw changbin flash his beautiful grin.

"your real smile is still as beautiful as i remember it to be." changbin stated with a loving look in his eyes.

felix felt all his feelings for changbin come flooding back in. he tried to burying them deep down, and even though that wasn't working, hearing changbin says those words just made everything so much worse.

"my real smile?" felix tried to play dumb and pretend like it wasn't all a facade when he'd smile around their friends.

"yeah, your real smile. you think i don't know when you're faking it?" changbin asked felix as he went to grab the first aid supplies.

felix watched changbin the same way he did the first time the boy had helped him clean his wounds. felix remembered how he asked for a kiss... how changbin kissed him to distract from the pain...

felix knew he couldn't ask for a kiss, he knew he wouldn't even have that as a distraction again.

"you okay, felix?" changbin asked as he caught the boys stares.

"yeah, just thinking." felix muttered.

"you didn't answer my question." changbin stated, "do you really think i don't know when you're faking it?"

"if im being honest," felix sighed, "i just didn't think you cared."

changbin felt those words go through him like a sword to his heart. of course i care, im still in lo— that's not fair of me... i ended things with him...

"i do care felix. you were my best friend before you were my boyfriend and i will always have love for you." changbin explained, and felix just nodded in response.

"okay, this is going to sting... a lot." changbin said with a worried expression on his face.

"so distract me." felix stated, he didn't know what came over him, but the words left his lips before he could control them.

"how?" changbin questioned. the only distraction changbin could think of was the same one he used while the two of them were dating... a kiss.

"you know how." felix said as he nervously looked away from the boy.

"felix, you know i can't do that." changbin frowned, "i don't want to give you the wrong idea."

"i know, it was a dumb idea... i just don't want to feel the burn..." felix pouted and instantly changbin wanted to give in.

"i sorry bokkie," changbin used the nickname again without even thinking about it.

he then began to think of a way to help felix, "here, put your hands on my shoulders.

"okay?"

"and dig your nails in when it starts to hurt." changbin suggested.

"what? no! that will hurt you." felix said worriedly.

"i'll be fine. just do it, okay?" changbin asked, but felix shook his head no.

"please bokkie, i don't want you to be hurting alone. just dig your nails in, i'll be fine." changbin stated and felix had to cave in at the sound of his nickname.

he placed his hands on changbin's shoulders and the boy began applying the alcohol to his cuts to clean them.

felix winced in pain as he then sunk his nails into changbins shoulders. changbin felt the slight pressure and wanted to jolt away, but he didn't. he allowed felix to cause him pain if it meant it would alleviate his own.

a.n.

i have the worst migraine right now 🥲