"there," changbin said, "it's all clean."

"now it is my turn to take care of you." felix said sweetly.

"what do you mean?" changbin questioned as he cocked an eyebrow.

"i hurt your shoulders, i know i did... im sorry." felix frowned, staring down at the floor instead of towards changbin.

"it's fine lix, i'm fine." changbin assured the boy.

"thank you for helping me."

"you don't need to thank me felix." changbin stated as he began putting away all the supplies and allowed felix to have some time to slip back on his pants.

"i do though. you helped me once again." felix responded.

"felix, stop, you know im not that great of guy. there's no reason to thank me." changbin insisted.

"what do you mean you're not a great guy? you're the best guy i know regardless of what everyone else thinks." felix said as he placed his hands on changbins shoulders to force the boy to look at him.

"chan is the best guy you know, don't lie." changbin shook felix off and began walking out of the bathroom.

felix quickly followed behind the boy, determined to prove him wrong.

"no," felix said abruptly, "you're wrong! i'm not lying."

"felix, chan does everything for you. he really cares about you and takes care of you."

"but not in the way that you do." felix whined a bit, feeling the tears sting his eyes as they beckoned to fall.

"and in what was is that?" changbin questioned, wanting to underatand.

"you know me better than anyone else binnie, you know that. you've saved me more times than i can count and even if we're just friends now, i know you will continue to be there for me when i need you."

"then let me ask you something felix," changbin said and felix nodded, "why did you cut yourself?"

felix stood there, being completely blindsided by the question. he didn't know how to respond, there was no simple way to answer it.

"felix, i know im to blame for your pain. i just wish that i could love you the way you love me." the words left changbins lips like arrows from a bow. they repeatedly hit felix in the chest, causing him to feel like the air was thinning and suffocating him slowly.

"then why do you do these things for me? you claim to not love me as much as i love you, but you do so much for me. do you not realize how much you love me? you love me more than anyone else in this world, i am sure of that." felix stated to affirm the boy his love was more than enough.

"but i left you felix. my eyes wandered... im just not good for you." changbin sighed, "why did you cut yourself felix?"

"i cut myself... for many reasons..." felix trailed off.

"name one," changbin stated.

"im alone changbin, im all alone." the tears rolled down felixs cheeks, being relentless and neverending it felt like.

"you're not alone. you have all your friends, especially chan, and your grandma... you have people who love you felix." changbin assured the latter.

"but i don't have you." felix sobbed, but still managed to flash a small smile, "im sorry for troubling you today."

"felix," changbin said as he tried to stop the boy from leaving his house, "i told you im not good for you."

"i don't believe you." felix shook his head.

"im not enough for you bokkie! i cant even make you happy! you have chan for that..."

"when will you realize that you were always enough for me?" felix raised his voice as the tears came down harder than before.

"felix..."

"no, save it changbin! i'll grant you what you've always wanted... i'll believe you. you're not good for me. goodbye changbin." felix ran out before changbin could stop him.

"this isn't what i wanted felix..." changbin sighed to himself as he thought back to the day he realized he needed to break up with felix.

"aren't you jealous of them always being together?" hyunjin asked me as we watched chan and felix joke around.

"that's the least of my worries..." i admitted to him sadly.

"what do you mean?" hyunjin questioned.

"he's the only person who makes felix happy. i cant even do it... im not enough for him... just like i wasnt enough for ." i sighed as i sunk into the couch beside hyunjin.

"you have to stop blaming yourself for that changbin. you couldn't have saved her, it's not your fault." hyunjin rested his hand on my thigh in an effort to comfort me.

i watched felix shoot us death glares... i only ever make him upset.

"it is my fault. i promised her i would save her, and i didn't. i made the same promise to make felix happy when i found out about his depression and anxiety... and now i'm failing at that too. i cant save anyone..." i tried my best to hold back my tears.

"ryujin loved you changbin, she never blamed you like you blame yourself. she knew she was dying." hyunjin said to me with a frown plastered on his face.

"but i promised to save her. how could i break that promise? how could i break my promise to bokkie? i just can't do it anymore..."

"what do you mean?"

"i need to let felix go, it's what's best for him."

a.n.

do y'all see the reasons starting to piece together?

you guys keep calling changbin selfish but there's a reason he did what he did

he just covers it up with a different one to make it easier on everyon 🤪