the days kept passing by as slow as ever. felix was withering away before his friends eyes and they were at a loss for what to do.

felix walked through the halls like a corpse, earning multiple stares from other students.

teachers and other staff members were growing concerned over the fact that felix was no longer the light in darkness, he was turning into a rain cloud that consumes a sunny day.

felix laid in his bed late one night, just two nights before changbin would be off with hyunjin on their class trip.

he stared at his freshly opened wounds and wept as he felt the stinging pain coarse through him.

felix wanted to disappear.

he wanted to change who he was completely. develop amnesia. forget everything, leave, and never return.

he laid in bed tossing and turning, trying to get sleep to take over him.

felix however, never slept lately. it was a rare occurrence that he got more than three hours of sleep in a night. he was starting to feel lucky if he even got a full

hour of sleep.

he knew he was worrying people around him which only made everything worse.

he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, and he could hardly speak of his feelings.

it's not that felix didn't want to open up, it's that he's closed himself off for so long, he's forgotten how to.

it was nearing four in the morning at this point, felix would have to be up in a little over two hours to get ready for school.

he stared at his phone that was dark from the lack of notifications. felix wanted chan to miraculously know he was suffering.

changbin used to know...

somehow changbin always managed to know.

it was the two year anniversary of my fathers death. for some reason, this hit harder than the first year.

the first year still didn't feel real. i was still waiting to wake up from my cruel nightmare or have someone tell me it was all some sick prank.

but when the second year came, he was gone. i had to accept that.

all my friends knew my father had passed away, but i kept the cause of his death hidden. i claimed his "accident" happened two years ago, but it was surely no accidnet.

i sat in my bed, crying for what felt like decades, pouring out my entire soul as i violently shook.

i watched my phone light up, and noticed the incoming call from changbin.

"hello?" i questioned as i tried to choke back my heavy falling tears.

"can i come over?" changbin asked me.

"what? it's almost two in the morning binnie." i responded.

"i need to see you bokkie, please." changbin said and i finally caved allowing him to come over.

that's when everything changed between changbin and i.

he arrived at my house and i allowed him inside quietly to not disturb my grandmother. i snuck him into my room and he sat there with me on my bed.

we sat with a good amount of space in between us as the suffocating silence became all too consuming.

"bokkie," changbin started, "how did your father die?"

"that's really what you came here to ask me?" i questioned him angrily.

"felix, i know something is going on with you. i know yesterday marked two years since his death, but you always referred to it as an accident. what happened bokkie?"

"binnie," i sobbed out as i collapsed in his arms.

he had this way about him that made me want to pour my heart out. changbin was intoxicating to me, but in the best ways possible.

he was like a drug, but one that cured my sadness and would alleviate my anxiety.

"it's alright bokkie, im right here." changbin assured me as he rubbed my back gently.

i slowly sat up after a few moments of crying and looked changbin in the eyes.

his eyes were soft and caring, they made me trust him easily.

"the truth is... my father... h-he... he took his own life." i said softly, not exactly wanting changbin to hear me.

"im so sorry felix." he only ever called me felix when he was being serious, that's how i knew he truly cared about me in that moment. i was never a joke to him or someone he pitied. he cared about me.

"i-i was the one who f-found h-him." i stuttered out as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

"no... no felix, come here." changbin engulfed me into his arms and hugged me tighter than i ever had been before.

he refused to let go and kissed my forehead for way longer than just a friendly kiss would've been.

i slowly picked my head up and glanced from his eyes to his lips and caught him doing the same to me.

i felt myself leaning in and watched as he did the same until our lips gently collided for a brief moment.

he pulled away shortly after the initial touch and smiled as he rested his forehead against mine.

"i love you bokkie." changbin whispered to me as we began to lay down in my bed, bodies entangled in a comforting way.

"i love you more." i said back as i allowed his arms to protect me for the night.

i truly did love him, whether or not he realized in that moment that i was in love with him, i couldn't be sure... but i always hoped he meant he was in love with me too.

from that day on, we'd steal glances at eachother and flirt more than usual. it was the start of what felt like something that would last forever.

yet he still found a way to leave me.

a.n.

i have no more prewritten chapters so that's why these are late im sorryyyy

also these flashbacks are so essential to the story of changlix so you guys can see why it's so hard for the two of them to let go

they have way more than just history

they're pretty much two halves of a heart:)