"you're what?" changbin asked.

"im glad you kissed me. i could tell as soon as i started to kiss back you were pulling away. explain that to me changbin." hyunjin said with a smirk spreading on to his face.

"no i didn't..."

"yes you did! i know you realized something from that kiss, just admit it!" hyunjin insisted.

"i don't know what you mean." changbin said, his voice seeming small as he sunk back into himself.

"you realized you don't have feelings for me. you realized the kiss isn't what you wanted it to be!"

"what? why wouldn't i want the kiss? i do like you hyunjin!" changbin said, but he didn't sound so sure of it.

"no, you dont! you didn't like it, i could tell. i'm not felix changbin and that's okay. just admit it!" hyunjin kept pushing and pushing until eventually changbin gave it.

"FINE, you want the truth?" changbin shouted, "the truth is i am still fucking in love with lee felix."

changbin took a deep breathe before continuing, "i have loved him since ninth grade. i remember the day we scavenged the mall for the perfect gift and nothing was good enough.

i went home that day and worked for hours writing songs just for him. i gave him a mixtape of songs and the moment i watched his eyes light up from receiving that... i knew i was in love.

felix was selfless and kind. his eyes held hope and love, i could just tell felix wanted to give others all the love he had within his heart.

felix is everything im not. he's everything i wished i could be for him, but i can't."

"what do you mean you can't changbin? you did everything for felix, we all saw it!" hyunjin claimed.

"yeah and now those same people youre saying all saw it are the ones who yell at me for ending it." changbin scoffed.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM! there was no reason to end it you idiot!" hyunjin shouted.

"i already explained it hyunjin."

"hardly! tell me exactly why you ended it. no more bullshit excuse that it was because of me because we both know now that was just the easy way out."

"fine..." changbin let out a heavy sigh, "i remember one day seungmin, chan, felix, and i decided to hangout just the four of us.

i don't know what i expected. anytime chan was involved, felix always clung to him instead of me. it made me so incredibly jealous, but i just wanted him happy so i never said anything about it.

i watched that entire day how chan made felix laugh, how he knew where felix was ticklish, how chan knew how to annoy felix but only in a way that made him smile instead of angry.

i felt like i hardly knew felix.

i knew his dark parts. the sides to him that were falling apart at the seams, and yet i didn't know that he could light up a room like sunshine.

how terrible is that for me to say? i didn't know my own boyfriend was such a ball of hope..."

"you did know that though changbin, you said just before his eyes were filled with hope." hyunjin interjected.

"no, no... that was in ninth grade, way before we dated. i liked him for almost two fucking years before i made a move. then when we were finally together, he got so bad...

felix lost himself while he was dating me. i couldnt help but think it was my fault. i wasn't attentive enough, i didn't show enough affection...

there were so many things i could've done differently. i just lost him though.

the longer we dated the more he faded away and i couldn't stop it anymore. it got to a point where i would tell him to hangout with chan over me because i wanted at least someone to make him smile even if i couldn't."

changbin felt the blood rush to his face as the tears began to stream from his eyes.

hyunjin heard the slight sniffles and felt the strings of his heart pull.

"changbin, felix loves you. i remember the day you told me chan makes felix happier than you do...

i talked to felix that day about you and chan. he told me how much you meant to him and how you were the only person who really made him feel alive anymore.

you may not have seen it changbin, but everyone else around you did. you were the main reason felix had any happiness left in him.

i'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, im saying this to help you realize what you lost... what you gave up... what you didn't even realize you had."

silence coated the room, suffocating the two boys terribly.

changbin didn't speak. he didn't know what to say in response.

he rolled over on his side, facing away from hyunjin and just allowed the tears to soak his pillow.

hyunjin heard the soft sobs escaping his best friend, but he chose against speaking of it.

he allowed changbin to feel his pain because he knew changbin didn't allow himself to do this often. changbin needed to feel it, he finally had to let it all in.

a.n.

you all love to jump to conclusions

i love confusing you all:)