felix tossed and turned all night long. being far too uncomfortable to sleep, and his thoughts going way to fast for him to feel relaxed.

by the time felix's body began to shut down on him, it was nearly six in the morning, meaning he had to be at school in about an hour.

felix didn't mean to shut his eyes, but he partially couldn't help it. they felt heavy and dry, they needed to be closed. at least for just a moment.

however, a moment is never really just a moment. that moment turned into a little over an hour, thus making felix late for his first class of the day.

"fuck," felix muttered as he checked the time on his phone.

he quickly sprung up and out of bed, and began getting ready for school. felix rushed around his house trying to gather his things, he only had half of first period left at this point.

felix stopped for a moment and questioned himself on why he was rushing so much. he was already late, there was really no point in stressing himself out more.

felix let the defeat wash over him as he began his walk to school. he took his time, dragging his feet as he walked.

he dreaded being awake. he just wished he could go back to bed, and maybe even stay asleep for the remainder of the day... or week... or month... or year.

when he finally made it to school, there was ten minutes left in first period and his teacher was beyond upset.

"lee felix, how dare you show up this late to class?" his teacher scolded him in english, thinking it would be a punishment to make him speak english instead of korean.

"did you forget i'm from australia?" he questioned her and she looked dumbfounded.

"take your seat." she said through grit teeth and felix easily complied.

"where the hell were you?" chan asked felix as he plopped himself down in his chair.

"home." felix responded simply as he tried his best to focus on the lesson.

the class ended shortly and the students all went rushing out of the room to be free of their awful teacher.

"felix, are you okay?" chan asked as he grabbed onto the boys arm to stop him from walking away.

jisung, minho, and chan all stood there waiting for felix's answer. felix's eyes were puffy and had dark circles surrounding them. his skin was pale and his energy seemed more depleted than usual.

"do i look okay to you?" felix responded, shocking all three of his friends.

"honestly speaking, you look like shit felix. what's wrong?" minho spoke up, knowing no one else would speak honestly.

"i feel like shit too, thanks minho." felix said sarcastically.

"felix, did something happen?" jisung asked with a saddened expression.

"yeah, something did happen," felix laughed a bit, but nothing was funny. he was only laughing to try and bury the pain, but that obviously would never work.

"what happened?" chan asked worriedly.

"i woke up this morning." felix said as he leaned in close to chan's face.

his words sent chills down the three boy's spines and caused an overwhelming sense of worry to wash over them.

"are we done here? i have to get to class." felix stated bluntly, and chan just nodded. all of the boys parted ways reluctantly and allowed felix to walk off on his own.

they worried for him, especially with what he had just said. felix was never the type to speak about his feelings, especially as honestly as he just expressed them. that was something felix's friends had never ever witnessed before.

felix walked to his next class, trying to rid his mind of the horrible thoughts clouding it. he was particularly grouchy this morning since he lacked any real sleep, and he deeply began to regret how he acted towards his friends.

he sunk down into his seat during second period, allowing his thoughts to take over him.

seungmin sat at the back of the room, watching felix with a confused expression. he knew felix looked off, but he didn't know exactly what was wrong with him.

felix couldn't stop fidgeting in his seat, his leg was bouncing and he tapped his pen continuously against his desk.

felix just wanted to leave, he wanted to disappear.

he didn't want to have to sit through lunch with his friends questioning him on why he said the things he did after first period. felix really began to regret being so honest. he was never honest, why did he choose today to let everything go?

felix was exhausted.

not just from his lack of sleep, but from his surplus of sadness.

he lost his will to live, but he was fighting to get it back. he lost his happiness, but he continued to search for it. he lost himself, but he still wanted to rediscover who could be.

yet he was tired of all of it, he was tired of fighting. felix wished all the pain would end and he could return to a happy ignorant kid who just loved his parents.

ignorance was truly bliss when felix was younger.

he didn't know about his father's depression, he didn't know much about sadness. all felix used to feel was love and happiness. he never had any hardships, and yet now, that's all he had.

felix felt his life crumbling around him and he was losing sight of how to stop it.

felix abruptly stood up in the middle of class and ran out of the building. his teacher called after him, but he didn't stop his feet.

seungmin sat there, baffled by his friend, wondering what could possibly going through his mind to make him act that way.

now not only were chan, minho, and jisung worried, but seungmin grew a sense of worry as well.

felix had gone through a major change in just one day, and that change was that his mask had finally fallen. his outsides finally started to display what he felt on the inside, and that was the scariest part of it all.

a.n.

i am anxious to go back to school...

i don't wanna go back:(