after changbin had calmed down, the boys were able to get him out of the room to get something to eat.

he went with hyunjin and jeongin who distracted him from the thought of chan being with felix.

after they finished their food, hyunjin texted jisung to make sure chan was gone before changbin returned.

the three boys got back to the room, and changbin was pleased to see there was no sign of chan.

"he left?" changbin asked minho and jisung who were still sitting there.

"yeah, seungmin did too." minho responded.

"why did seungmin leave?" changbin questioned.

"because chan could hardly see enough to drive home thanks to you." jisung snapped at the boy.

"he deserved it." changbin muttered as he sat back down at felixs bed side.

"you washed your hands?" minho asked.

"all clean." changbin said as he rolled his eyes.

"why'd you do that to him changbin? you're so much better than that." minho asked with a frown and furrowed eyebrows.

"i guess i'm not better than that." changbin shrugged, not looking up at minho, but instead keeping his head down, looking at felix.

"when he wakes up, he will find out what you did. how do you think he's going to react to that?" minho asked changbin.

the rest of the boys in the room just listened in silence, wanting to figure out why changbin was acting the way he did.

"i've already ruined my relationship with felix. this wouldn't have changed that." changbin mumbled, not really wanting to talk about it anymore.

"you need to start thinking before you act changbin. we can only defend you for so long, and recently, we have nothing to defend." minho explained.

"what's that supposed to mean?" changbin questioned angrily.

"you've been fucking up every chance you get. you've hurt felix countless amount of times, and you continue to push him away. why can't you just let yourself be with him?" jisung questioned.

changbin sat there staring at felix, not looking up at his other friends, and didn't even bother to answer jisung.

hyunjin noticed the tears welling in changbin's eyes, and figured his thoughts were all going back to ryujin.

hyunjin was the only one who knew about her. he was the only one who knew the full story.

that's why changbin grew closer to him. that's why he mistakenly thought he had feelings for hyunjin instead of just a friendship.

hyunjin knew all the darkest parts of changbin and still stayed by his side. it was easier to turn to him rather than let felix in and risk losing him due to his own past mistakes.

"guys, maybe we should leave changbin alone." hyunjin suggested.

"why? felix is our friend too!" jisung protested.

"ji, not the time." minho sighed as he grabbed the boys hand to drag him out of the room.

hyunjin and jeongin stayed behind for a moment. they both looked at changbin, and then back at each other.

"go check on him, i'll wait for you in the hallway." jeongin said before walking out of the room.

"hey bin," hyunjin started as he walked over to the boy, "what are you thinking about?"

"what do you think?"

"ryujin." the name hyunjin said made changbin turn to face him instead of continuing to stare at felix.

"i do feel bad for hurting chan, i feel awful actually. i just couldn't stop." changbin admitted, being sincere with every word.

"why couldn't you stop?" hyunjin asked, curious as to what exactly was going through changbin's mind.

"i saw my younger self. the version of me that didn't say goodbye to ryujin. i didn't kill ryujin, but i may as well have."

"why do you say that?"

"do you know how often my parents came home from the hospital begging me to go? they told me she needed me. they told me she was losing hope on her own life and she just wanted to see me." changbin explained.

"that doesn't mean-"

"ryujin asked the doctors to kill her." changbin blurted out

"what?" hyunjin was shocked by changbin's words.

"she was in so much pain, she asked to die." changbin stated.

"how do you know that?"

"i went to the hospital one day, i was going to go in and see her, but then i heard those words... i couldn't face her. i promised her i saved her, but now all she wanted was to die." chanbin's eyes began to well with tears, but he quickly wiped them away.

"changbin it's not your fault." hyunjin put his hand on the boy's shoulder, changbin just nodded in response.

"i'm assuming you're thinking of how to tell me you want to be alone..." hyunjin stifled a small laugh.

"you always did know me the best." changbin smiled at the latter.

"not as well as felix. for as little as you told him, he new everything he could about you. he knew all your signs of being upset, he knows your true smile, your fake laugh. he can sense everything you feel. he really does love you changbin, and i don't think what happened with ryujin will change that." hyunjin explained to the boy before walking out of the hospital room.

once hyunjin was gone, changbin let out a heavy sigh as he gripped on tightly to felix's hand.

"hey bokkie," changbin started, "i've heard that sometimes people in comas can here you when you speak to them... i hope you didn't hear the stuff with chan... but if you're going to hear anything, please let it be this..."

a.n.

maybe that was a bad place to cut it off, i don't know

but that's where i stopped it sooo :)

also umm in the last chapter i asked about favorite breakfast foods because i was seriously looking for foods to eat

//tw ed///

i struggle with an ed and i go through different periods of binging to starving myself... its a vicious cycle

so in the future please don't comment things about you not eating, that was very very triggering for me

i didn't think about anyone commenting that since i was just asking for a favorite food

i guess that was my mistake to ask that question, i just didn't expect people to say they don't eat:/