changbin and felix sat in that small hospital room talking for awhile. smiles were plastered on each of their faces, but changbin knew he had to bring down the mood.

"so felix," changbin started out, "there's actually something i wanted to speak to you about..."

"oh— you're kind of scaring me. what is it?" felix asked with a worried expression.

"well it's about chan..." changbin fiddled with his thumbs nervously.

"chan? did something happen? why're you bringing him up? you know him and i aren't speaking right now." felix rattled off, his nerves getting the best of him.

"i think you should talk to him... only if you're ready of course... but i think it would be in both of your best interests to work it out sooner than later." changbin suggested.

"umm who are you and what have you done with changbin?" felix laughed as he examined changbin's face, "did you suffer a traumatic brain injury or something?"

"no, i'm serious felix." changbin stated, "i've watched chan mope around school, and it's honestly sad. i don't want to feel bad for him because he hurt you, but part of me knows that's not the real chan, and maybe we can bring the real him back."

"this is why i love you." felix smiled, saying the words without thinking.

changbins eyes widened in shock, even though he already knew felix loved him, it was just the way he said it so nonchalantly.

"that's not what i— i don't— i mean i do but— ah shit..." felix muttered as he tried to think of a way to explain himself.

"it's okay bokkie, i didn't mind it." changbin smiled as he reached out and grabbed felixs hand.

"i still love you too, you know this." changbin said softly, and felix just nodded his head in response.

"i can't believe you of all people are telling me i should speak to chan." felix shook his head as he laughed a bit.

"i was once really close to chan, it's sad to think we're not anymore, but maybe if the old him returns... then so can our friendship." changbin shrugged.

"you miss him, don't you?" felix asked.

"i do, not as much as i missed you... but i still miss him a lot." changbin explained, smiling when mentioning how he missed felix.

"tell him that then. fix things between you two!" felix encouraged.

"hey, this isn't about me. there will be no fixing of our friendship until you two work things out. i cant be friends with someone who speaks to you the way chan did." changbin explained.

"i understand. you're sweet for that binnie." felix smiled shyly, "is he coming today with the rest of the boys?"

"i think minho told him to, i don't know if he'll show or not though. they should be here any minute, so i guess we will find out soon."

"if he does come, do you think you can get everyone else to leave so i can speak to him alone... just him and i?" felix asked changbin, biting his lip nervously as he did so.

"of course lix, but don't force yourself to do anything you're not ready for." changbin rubbed the back of the boys hand gently with his thumb, and looked lovingly into felix's eyes.

"im not forcing myself to do anything. i actually want to speak to chan. i want to know why he would say those things to me. i need to know why he would actually..." felix explained to changbin, he had furrowed eyebrows and a pouty bottom lip.

"he didn't mean them felix, if that's what you're thinking. i know he must regret what he said." changbin told the latter.

"im not sure... he said them so effortlessly, without any thought. maybe there was some truth to it." felix shrugged.

"there's no way he meant it. it's chan, before this year i've never even seen that boy hurt a fly." changbin laughed.

"that's the thing, chan has changed. we all see it. minho called him out on it first, but the rest of us were all too late to notice." felix let out a heavy sigh.

"it's because he fell in love with you felix. he fell madly in love with you, emphasis on the madly." changbin told the boy, but felix shook his head no.

"if someone loved me, they would never say the things he did to me." felix frowned.

"im not sure felix, im not inside chans mind. i will never be able to tell you why he said those things, but one thing is clear to me... his feelings for you were far beyond those you feel for a friend." changbin explained to felix with certainty.

"he claims to have had feelings for me... but i still don't understand how he could say those things to me. once i know that, i think i'll be able to move past it all. i don't know if i'll ever forgive him though."

"that's okay felix. no ones telling you to move past it or to forgive him, all im saying is to simply talk to him. he looks as though he's about to burst at school, i know there's something he has to say to you... i'm just unsure of what it might be."

"i guess im about to find out..." felix whispered to changbin as he watched their friends pile into the room, chan being tucked away at the back standing beside seungmin.

"hey chan," felix spoke up, catching the boys attention immediately, "can we talk?"

all the other boys stood in shock, but changbin was quick to usher them out the door. this left chan and felix alone in the room.

chan stood in the same place, staring at felix with wide eyes, still not having said a word.

"are you going to answer me?" felix asked.

"w-we can talk..." chan stuttered out as he stared down at the floor.

"good, i need some answers." felix stated and chan nodded as he shuffled his feet to sit at felix's bedside.

felix cleared his throat before asking the one question he probably shouldn't have started with, but chose to anyway, "do you love me?"

a.n.

sorry it's taken me forever to update this story, i was on a new medication that made me feel pretty crappy, but now i've stopped taking that AND i finished stigma sooo i can focus on this story more:)

also this is usually my place to rant so get ready (you don't have to read tho if you don't want to)

i went to a neurosurgeon today and i have to get surgery:(

i have something called chiari malformation which is why i always get headaches and migraines. (basically part of my brain is too big and doesn't allow proper flow of the fluid within it)

in order to remove this pressure i feel he'd have to take out a piece of my skull

to make more room for my brain to breathe basically

i'm very scared of surgery... and this one is soooo close to my brain that it terrifies me even more

but i really do wanna feel better:(