after spending the weekend with changbin, felix had to return to reality, and that reality was school.

it was his first day back since his attempt, and his main concern was the scarring that wrapped around his neck, providing him the constant reminder of what he had been through.

felix grabbed a turtleneck from his closet, disregarding the fact that it was only the start of the autumn season, and place a baggy t-shirt over top. he just hoped no one would ask him how he was doing. that was always the dreaded question for him.

"have a good day, sweetheart!" his grandmother called out to him.

felix rushed over to her before walking out the door and smothered her in one of the tightest hugs he had ever given anyone before.

"you too, mimi." felix said lovingly as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"are you hiding your scar?" she asked as she pulled at the edge of his turtleneck to peak at his neck.

"mimi," felix whined, "don't do that."

"it's nothing to be ashamed of yongbok. you know that, right?" she asked him with a soft look in her eyes.

"i know, i know." felix sighed as he went to walk away.

"lee yongbok." she said angrily, making felix spin around quickly, "listen to me, and listen carefully... you are a beautiful young man who is loved by many people. you have me, changbin, nurse chae, chan, jeognin, hyunjin, minho, seungmin, jisung, and of course you have your mother."

"my mom?"

"yes, she called me today, she's going to come visit soon."

"oh..."

"that's not the point here though honey," she shook her head, "the point is your scar is proof of all that you have overcome. it is a display of your strength. you're still here with us, still going even when you don't want to... and don't try to tell me you like being alive because i see right through you.

"but... i know you're trying, i know you want to get better, and that's what that scar means. you fought to stay alive and you're still fighting. that scar is your strength, not your weakness."

felix's eyes were beginning to well as the words his grandmother spewed at him struck his core. she was right, he didn't want to be alive, but he wanted to want to be alive. he was trying to find his purpose and a reason for living, no matter how hard it was for him to do so.

"thank you, mimi. i appreciate that." felix dove back into her arms and let his tears soak into the soft material of her shirt.

"of course baby, no go off to school and show everyone just how tough you are!" she encouraged.

felix nodded and took off, darting out the front door. he walked down a couple of blocks before a car pulled up beside him.

"first day back and you didn't ask for a ride?" he turned and saw none other than hyunjin and jeongin sitting in the front seat of hyunjin's car.

"i-i didn't want to bother anyone." felix spoke nervously.

"get in felix, it's never a bother." hyunjin assured him and felix hopped excitedly into the backseat.

"so how do you feel about returning to school?" jeongin asked, worried about how the blonde boy was feeling.

"um... to be honest i don't want to go." felix chuckled nervously.

"why?" hyunjin asked, staring at the boy through the rear view mirror.

"i feel like everyone's going to be giving me weird looks and apologies for not being there for me... i don't know. i just don't want any pity or anyone looking at me differently." felix explained to his friends.

"to be honest, i don't think anyone knows. people were informed that you're in the hospital, but no one said for what. you should be fine." jeongin tried to reassure the latter.

"and," hyunjin chimed in confidently, "if you're not fine, well handle it."

"what's that supposed to mean?" felix laughed at hyunjin trying to seem intimidating.

"we will beat up people or something." hyunjin shrugged, the confidence immediately leaving his body.

"you will or you'll get changbin, minho, and chan to do it?" jeongin scoffed.

"HEY I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND! HAVE FAITH IN ME!" hyunjin shouted.

"im stronger than you, so you better call me to beat the assholes up." jeongin turned his nose up at hyunjin while felix sat in the back trying to hold back his laughter.

"that's not that point innieee!" hyunjin whined frustratedly.

"yeah yeah, the point is we are going to watch out for you lix. you have nothing to worry about." jeongin smiled, and felix just nodded in return.

"well, we're here." hyunjin said as he pulled into a parking spot.

"ah fuck," felix muttered, "let's just go before i change my mind."

jeongin and hyunjin followed behind felix as the boy stormed off towards the building. they were worried for him, but ultimately knew they couldn't show it.

a.n.

oou idk how i feel about this chapter but anywayssss

for those of you that also read stigma...

i'm doing it to y'all again:)

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