when changbin got back to his house, all the boys were gone and his living room looked untouched. they had cleaned all their stuff up and put it back in it's rightful place, making sure changbin would not have to worry about it.

changbin let out a heavy sigh as he shut the door behind himself and then plopped down onto his couch.

he waited patiently for felix's return, but part of him was worried felix would never come back.

he rested his eyes for what felt like seconds, but in reality was closer to an hour. he jolted awake to the sound of knocking at his door.

changbin quickly picked himself up off of the couch and ran towards the door, stumbling over himself from being half asleep still.

"felix!" changbin cheered as he wrapped his arms around the boy.

"hello to you too, changbin." felix laughed, hugging the boy back.

"how did it go with seungmin?" changbin asked as he pulled out of the hug and allowed felix to walk inside.

"it was good, we got out all we needed to say i think." felix smiled softly as he thought back to their conversation.

"i worry for him," felix admitted, "just like i worry for you and the rest of our group."

"why are you worrying about us?" changbin questioned.

"because you're all suffering..." felix said with a sad expression, "and don't try to deny it. everyone has their issues, you guys just hide it from me because you think i can't handle it."

"felix, it isn't your job to worry about any of us." changbin said as he placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder.

"then it isn't your job to worry about me either!" felix said, shaking changbin off of him.

"okay, it isn't anyone else in the group's 'job' to worry about you, but they will because they love you. as for me... well i will always be the one to worry about you. even if you say you're the happiest you have ever been and you tell me you no longer have intrusive thoughts... i will still worry.

"i am in love with you lee felix, i don't know how many times i have to tell you that, but that means i will always worry about you. i am so afraid of losing you, i can't risk it. i have to be there to take care of you no matter what." changbin explained, gently placing his hand on the blonde boy's knee, rubbing his thumb back and forth slowly against his skin.

"i know you love me, i know you worry about me... but i don't want this to all be one sided conversations. we can't always be talking about me and my problems. we need to both let go of the things that hurt us.

"i just lost my mimi changbin... she was the most important person in this world to me, tied with you of course... but now she is gone and i have to accept that.

"i get that i have it bad right now, but just because things aren't looking good for me, doesn't mean you can't come to me about your own problems." felix expressed to the latter.

"okay lix, i get that, but there's a time and place for everything. i am not going to start complaining to you about all my issues the day after you lose your grandmother. that just isn't right, but i will talk to you about it all eventually, okay?"

"as long as you trust me eventually with all that goes on in that beautiful mind of yours," felix smiled softly as he brought his hand up to cup changbin's cheek.

"i do trust you, believe me lix." changbin assured the latter.

"good," felix beamed, "now that we have talked about all of that... i should probably tell you the promise i made to seungmin."

"a promise to seungmin?" changbin questioned.

"i promised him i would find a reason to live that didn't involve you..." felix trailed off as he fiddled with his thumbs nervously.

"okay, i'm glad you're going to find a reason that isn't me... but why are you telling me this?" changbin asked, knowing felix had to have more to say.

"just because i promised you wouldn't be the reason, doesn't mean you can't help me find that reason." felix said softly as he looked over at changbin with doe eyes.

"you want me to help you find a reason to live?" changbin said as he cocked an eyebrow at the blonde.

"yep," felix nodded, "i want you to teach me how to live again, and maybe in the process... you'll find your own reason too."

"felix, i have reasons to live." changbin shrugged.

"i don't believe you, i feel like you're hiding something from me. hyunjin slipped up once and mentioned something about you and pills... but when i questioned him he wouldn't explain himself... do you want to explain?" felix asked, hoping changbin would open up to him.

"it was a fleeting moment that's all. i was dumb and dramatic... i thought i lost you." changbin mumbled.

"so what is your reason for living?" felix asked.

"felix..."

"changbin just tell me." as felix said this, changbin let out a heavy sigh, knowing the boy would be very persistent until he received an answer.

"it's you. i want to save you, love you, be there for you, help you... i live because you're here." changbin said, feeling like an idiot in the process of his admission.

"so let's find your reason to live... one that isn't me. we can each be little reasons for the other to live, but overall... we should want to feel alive on our own, shouldn't we?" felix suggested, and changbin felt a smile spread on his face.

instinctively, changbin wrapped his arms around felix's small waist, tackling him down onto the couch. he kissed all over the boy's face repeatedly, making felix laugh from the tickling sensation the tiny pecks caused.

"i love you," changbin said before placing one last kiss on felix's lips.

"i love you too." felix smiled as he looked into changbin's eyes, placing his hand behind the boy's neck to pull him back down for another kiss.

felix was changing and changbin could see that. he was no longer dependent on anyone, instead, he was breaking out and starting to get better.

changbin just worried it would all come crashing down the minute felix truly lets his feelings in.

a.n.

omg i kind of hate this?? idk why am i like this jgvsbhfakjndl