: suicide mission, angst, a gay rewrite of a new hope and TLJ

I REALLY hate TLJ so I fucking scrapped most of the plot and rewrote some bullshit so I could get to what I wanted.

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"Ren wants the prisoners."

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"Can u fly a tie fighter?"

Poe stood confused pressed into the small corner with the de-veiled stormtrooper.

"Your with the resistance?"

"What? No. I'm breaking u out. Can you fly a tie fighter!-"

"I can fly anything."

Poe's breath caught in his throat as the trooper smiled back at him.

"Why are you doing this?"

The young man steeled his face.

"Because it's the right thing to do."

He nearly scoffed at the troopers lack of believability.

"You need a pilot."

"I need a pilot."

Poe noticed the uncertain look in the mans eye and found himself trying to reassure him.

"We're gunna do this." He smiled with complete confidence.

"Yeah. Okay."

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Poe pilots dipped between beams shot from the first order laser cannons amazed, almost enjoying it.

"Woooahhh! This thing really moves!"

Guiding the craft out of the dock, he began instructing his new recruit.

"All right, we gotta take out as many cannons as we can or we're not gonna get very far!"

"All right!"

"I'm gonna get us in position, just stay sharp!"

With the quick yank of the joystick like steering system, they moved to cruise under a section of the base.

"Up ahead! Up ahead! You see it? I've got us dead centered. It's a clean shot."

Between the explosions of missed shots around them Poe heard a muttered "Okay, I got this."

With a final breath, a stream of lasers were sent flying toward the cannon in front of them, exploding just in time for their craft to blast through the remains.

"YES! You see that?! DID YOU SEE THAT?"

A contagious feeling of excitement mixed with the adrenaline rush from the close call in Poe as he smiled and responded.

"I saw it! Hey, what's your name?"

He answered automatically, instinctively; "FN-2187!"

Nausea swept over Poe, a sickness he hadn't felt since the first time he crashed. It's funny how one phrase can tell you so much about a painful past.

"FN-whaa?"

"That's the only name they ever gave me!"

"Well I ain't using it! FN, huh? Finn. I'm gonna call you Finn. That all right?" He yelled over the piercing screeches of laser fire around the ship.

Even in the madness, Finn couldn't suppress his smile.

"Finn. Yeah, Finn, I like that!"

"I like that!" He repeated.

"I'm Poe. Poe Dameron."

"Good to meet you, Poe!"

"Good to meet you too, Finn!

He steered carefully between cannon fire and debris.

"One's coming towards you. My right, your left. Do you see it?"

"Hold on! I see it!

Aiming as best he could with the weapon he had not raining with, he fired at the enemy craft. A explosion rang out.

"Nice shot," Poe yelled back, encouragingly.

A large dusty orb entered Finns field of vision. He looked up suddenly in alarm.

"Where are you going?"

"We're going back to Jakku. That's where."

"No no no! We can't go back to Jakku! We need to get outta this system!"

Beside Finn, a green flash signaled a near miss and pushed Poe to focus on flying more than conversing.

"Look, I got to get to my droid before the First Order does!" He explained.

"What - a droid?!" Finn was stunned by the stupidity of the amazing pilot.

"That's right. He's a BB unit! Orange and white: one of a kind."

"I don't care what color he is! No droid can be that important!"

"This one is, pal."

"We need to get as far away from the First Order as we can! We go back to Jakku, we die!"

"That droid's got a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker!"

Finn groaned in frustration.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"

He was going die. He was going to die on this stupid tiny ship with a lunatic that thought Luke Skywalker was real.

"I--"

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Finn awoke to sand in every direction. The burning remains of the craft sank into a pit of quicksand and he was left with only a jacket to remember his pilot by.

.

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The rebel base was nothing like the First order Star fleet. The only way he could think to describe it was organized chaos. Every person running in a different direction, but no one running into another. Thousands of species all fighting for a single cause. Across the airfield he a human crawled out of the cockpit of an impressive ship. He stoped dead in his tracks. That hair-

An orange and white droid slammed past him, knocking into his leg. The pilot excitedly jogged over to greet the droid. It couldn't be-

Finn started toward pilot with haste.

"Poe!"

"Huh, oh no!" He smiled disbelieving.

"Poe Damermon you're alive!" He shifted speeds and began running as Poe stood up and turned toward him, matching Finns speed.

"Buddy-" They slammed together into a tight embrace.

"So are you!"

"What happened to you?"

"What happened! I got thrown from the crash and I woke at night no you no ship no nothing. Bb8 says you saved him?"

"No no no. I wasn't just me."

"You completed my mission. Finn-that's my jacket."

Finn started stuttering an explanation and began to take it off.

"No no no no. Keep it. It suits you."

The rebel slide his teeth over his bottom lip, appreciating the sight of his jacket going to good use and reached out for Finns shoulder.

"Your a good man Finn."

Suddenly, Finn rembered why he was on the rebel base.

"Poe, I need your help."

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Two months. Two months Finn was in a comma. And everyday of those two months, Poe did his best to visit Finn. He sat, talking, playing music, singing, reading, anything to help him wake up soon. Often he would fall asleep in the med bay, uncomfortably hunched over in the chair beside the bed. He found ways to occupy his time, mainly sticking up the old leather of the jacket he gave to Finn. Between runs and on breaks he could be found beside the ex storm trooper. His colleges refrained from teasing; they all sensed something deep between them, something worth all the time Poe put in.

So when two months one week and fours days after the fight with Kylo Ren occurred Finns eyes shoved open with incoherent muttering, Poe was the first person altered.

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By the time he reached the med bay, Finn was asleep. Apparently commas aren't as rejuvenating as a long nap. So Poe waited. And waited.

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Muffled sobs and short gasps interrupted Poe's rest.

"Hey, hey buddy. Wh- what's wrong?"

His eyes looked hallow and simultaneously full of fear. His hand clenched over his mouth holding everything back.

"Nurse! Somethings wrong!"

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"I know, but it's all completely normal. Extreme confusion is to be expected- lots of patients wake up crying and don't know why. It's hard for them to understand things for the first few minutes."

"But he'll be alright? He's gunna be okay?"

"Yes, we have every reason to expect a full mental recovery. Your something familiar his brain can clasp on to which should speed up with recovery of any memory loss. You can go in once you're ready; don't push about anything he can't recall yet. There was a lot of trauma from that injury. I wouldn't be surprised his he's repressed memories of the whole ordeal."

"Okay. Thanks."

Poe braced himself as the nurse walked away. With a calming breath, he threw on a smile and entered the room.

"Hey there rebel."

"Hi Poe."

Poe rubbed the sweat of his palm on his pants and came to sit in the chair he had slept in overnight.

"How you doing, man?"

"Okay." He have a weak smile.

"Wanna talk about?- it's okay if you don't I just thought I should ask."

Finn pushed himself up on the bed so he sat as upright as he could with the stitches in his back.

"It's was like- I was standing in a white room, it felt like I was waiting for something, but I didn't know what. I was just stuck. Like I was trapped in my own body."

Poe nodded as encouragement to continue.

"But the worst thing was I could feel people. I could feel people hold my hand and I could feel the nurses bathing me, but I couldn't move or open my eyes, I just couldn't do anything and-" he cut himself off.

"I could feel the nurses washing my hair and body, and I just wanted to wake up. I felt violated, you know? And- I just kept waiting to die.

"There no med bay in the Order. You break, you're gone. Why fix up one trooper when you can brainwash ten with that time. I kept waiting. I knew it had to be coming. And then instead I'd hear music and I feel someone hold my hand-

"Was that real? Did I imagine that?"

Poe moved his hand over Finns.

"You didn't imagine that."

They sat for a minute, not looking at each other but not avoiding eye contact either.

"Thank you." Finn finally spoke. "I knows it's stupid but having you around is the only thing that reminds me that I'm safe now, free."

Poe just smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Is that my jacket?" Finn looked over Poe's shoulder.

"Oh yeah." He reached back and passed it over to Finn, who studied the thick seam across the back panel.

"Good as new right?" Poe joked.

Finn laughed but pulled his arm through one sleeve. He reached back for the second but stopped with a wince.

"Could you?" He gestured to the other sleeve with his head. "I can't reach."

"Sure thing." Poe pulled the collar up and helped him maneuver into the leather. It took a minute of adjusting and wriggling, but they got it. Poe smoothed the sleeves down and patted Finn on the shoulders, then took a step back.

"Thanks." Poe smiled and sized him up with a shrugged.

"Even matches the gown pretty well."

Finn laughed.

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Over the next few months, everything around the base sped up. Poe was constantly on runs or training people with new skills to replace those who were lost, just getting used to living on the new Resistance base, a flagship called The Raddus. Everyone had 5 jobs it seemed- trying to keep up the work of the Resistance with a high school population. It was suggested that new recruitment runs and propaganda drops start up again but General Leia was adamant that they lie low.

Finn has recovered well; the saber missed his spine thankfully. It was difficult at first. He couldn't move in certain directions or lift his arms above his head. Lots of PT and painkillers were employed. Finn was dismissed from the Med Bay into Poe's room- everyone was doubling up and Poe was willing to help Finn when he couldn't pull a shirt over his head or reach his feet to put on his boots. Between runs he and Poe worked, trained, or just talked together. Finn learned that Rey left to find Luke and came to face the reality that he had no other friends in the Resistance. His status as a ex trooper meant everyone either idolized or suspected him, so he stuck to Poe's side, avoiding most others besides BB8.

At night they would talk for hours about anything. Poe would tell grand stories of far off planets and galaxies, pulling Finn in with his wild descriptions of adventure. Sometimes he would sing or play his guitar. Sometime he would try to teach

Finn to play in an attempt to coax him into singing. Poe was certain Finn had a singing voice to match his silvery speaking voice.

Eventually, things calmed down for the Resistance as they settled into the Raddus. It's was still busy, everyone constantly moving, but now everyone knew what to do, and where and when to do it.

So when it all collapsed nothing made sense.

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Snoke was gone. The enemy had no leader. A prime location for First Order elite, the Canto Bight casino, was easily infiltrated and destabilized. Rey made contact with Luke Skywalker. Despite this, the First Order was somehow able to create a new device that could track vehicles through the dimension of Hyper Space. And somehow it was installed on the Raddus, which held nearly every member of the Resistance as it served as a moving home base. Poe didn't believe it. Someone had to be giving them away. Not only did this mean there was a traitor in the ranks, but a high ranking one that was able to ensure that the majority of the Resistance was present on the ship and that escaping via the untraceable shuttles wasn't an option that was even explored. But something did add up.

The Raddus was being chased with no escape plan, but why is there a chase at all? The First Order could simply warp ahead of the resistance and trap them.

But when Poe tried to point this out, the acting General ignored him. He didn't know who to turn to. Who was really on their side?

And then it all fell apart so quickly. He attempted a coup while Finn and BB8 were on a mission sanctioned by General Leia to collect Rey and Luke. Holdo reviled that she had a plan to reach an unlisted planet as an escape. The logic behind this lack entirely. Would the Order not notice them land on the planet? This made no sense! But by that point it was the only choice they had- they had no more fuel. And before Poe could determine her role in the situation at hand, Holdo had abandoned them for an unfruitful suicide mission and the Resistance was forced to regroup in an uncharted salt mine.

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"Finn it's too late don't do this!"

"No!" he barked. "I won't let them win." The surrounding ship began to retreat. He accelerated.

"No Finn! It's gunna fall. We have to retreat!" The voice in the walkie cracked whether from emotion or static or a combination of both Finn didn't care to know. He closed his eyes, bracing for impact.

He felt himself jolted harshly and instinctively opened his eyes. He felt himself falling and realized that something had crashed into him. His ship clattered to the salty ground and Finn threw himself out toward the one that had stopped their only chance of survival.

"Why would you do that? Huh? I was almost there. Why would you stop me?" He demanded, shaking Poe's body as it lay in the pilot seat of a wreaked vessel.

A cracked smile met him and replied, "I saved you."

"That's how we're gunna win. Not fighting what we hate- saving what we love."

Poe laughed slightly, "dumb ass."

Finn stared stupidly at the man and his confession, at a complete loss for response. The explosion at the door grabbed Finns attention for a moment, long enough that when he turned his head back Poe's face was pushed close to Finn. And then the lightest touch of lips overwhelmed his senses.

Poe pulled back, offering a soft smile to calm Finns face of utter befuddlement before his head dropped back, unconscious.

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Greetings were passed around in the room behind him. Reunions and happy smiles, introductions and firm handshakes.

"Such a friend." C3PO commented.

"Chewie!" Leia exclaimed, pulling into a hug.

The hard lines of red crisscrossed his resting face. Why?

"It looks good." "That was crazy, man."

Even as he slept, his chest heaved with every breath. He held his hand.

"Hi." "Hi." "I'm Rose." "Rey." "I know."

Why? It's not that he didn't like it- he just- So much happened in so little time. He was ready to die for the cause. Wasn't that the goal? His only purpose as a trooper was to die for the cause. Now he was finally making the choice to die himself and he didn't get to.

"When we get to the Outer Rim, I have a contact there."

"Quite definately possible." Said C3PO.

Not fighting what we hate- saving what we love. How is this saving what you love. Poe was badly injured. He could have stopped that.

Rey spoke with Leia. "Luke is gone. I felt it. But it wasn't sadness or pain. It was peace and purpose."

"I felt it, too."

Do I love him? In the Order, love did not exist. Copulation was forbidden. Relationships were the stuff of whispering tales. But do I love him? I want to protect him. I like making him laugh. I like being around him. Is that enough? I didn't protect him. I put him in danger.

"How do we build a Rebellion from this?"

Finn refrained from jumping as the fingers in his hand twitched.

"We have everything we need."

"Hey there rebel."