The cards Minerva gave me shake in my hands. I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"You'll be fine, Annabeth," Blitzen consoles me from his spot on the couch across from me.

"Will I?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "As fine as you ever will be."

I can see the landscape through the window behind him, blurring from the speed of the train, the greens of the plain mixing with the browns of the forest. It would be prettier if I wasn't so nervous.

Over the past six months, I'd gotten... better. At first, it was the alcohol that made the pain go away. I almost drank myself to death five times, and I was always drunk. It got to the point where my aunt stopped visiting me, not being able to bear seeing me in that state.

Then I met Reyna.

I was in the market, buying my next bottle of beer when she walked up to me and slapped me in the face. grabbing the bottle and slamming it back on the counter before dragging me away. Turns out, my aunt was talking about my problem with the orphans; and she was one of them.

After that, Reyna made it her goal to make sure I didn't drink again. She took all of my bottles away and threw them on the ground the same day I met her. At the time, I hated her for it. Now, I couldn't be more grateful.

My distraction now is fighting. Every day, Reyna would come over to my house, and we would fight in the yard. I still had the urge to drink, but she was helping. Maybe not in the healthiest way, but it was a way, and that was all that really mattered.

Most importantly, I wasn't as broken as I was when I first came out of the arena. I wasn't healed; I don't think I ever will be. But I'd gotten pills for my night tremors, and some of the light was coming back in my eyes. I had finally started to put the games behind me.

I'd never truly be able to escape the games, of course. Every year, I'd have to join Vulcan, mentoring doomed kids and watching one or both of them die. But I was done with letting my trauma control my life. I was finally going to start living again.

But I had one last thing I had to do first. And that was the real reason I was so nervous.

The train rolled to a stop in District 12. Blitzen nodded at me, and we both stood up and exited into the train station.

District 12 was worse than I'd imagined. I watched through my car's window as it took me to Town Square. The streets were deserted, but their houses were even worse than the ones back home. All of them were run down and dirty, and the few people we did pass were covered in soot and scars, like they'd just crawled out of a grave. The sight made my skin crawl.

We arrived at Town Square. I straightened out my dress, let my prep team make sure I looked fine, grabbed my cards, and walked onstage.

It seemed that everyone in the District was there, looking up at me with tired faces. There were two raised platforms behind them. One had the face of the girl from District 12, Nyssa, displayed on it, with her family all standing in front of it. There were four children and one woman. The father was nowhere to be seen; he'd probably died in a mining incident.

The other platform had Leo's smiling face on it.

I choked back a sob at the sight of it, resisting the urge to break down right then and there and start crying. But that wasn't an option. Not here, with everyone's eyes on me. So I kept myself together, trying to shovel my sorrow back down my throat.

Standing on Leo's platform was a girl I'd recognize anywhere. Calyspo. She was all the family he had.

Clearing my throat, I started to read the card Minerva gave me. I didn't mean any of the words I said. They were all lies, about how grateful I was to the Capitol and all that crap that every victor always said during their victory speech. I doubted that I sounded sincere when I said them, and I didn't care.

Then I was done, the last word on the last card spoken. Minerva smiled on the sidelines, expecting me to come back, knowing I was finished.

But I wasn't finished. Not yet.

I pulled the photo Leo had given me out of my pocket and looked up at Calypso, who was crying.

"Calypso," I brought up the best smile I could muster. "Leo loves you."

She smiled back as tears poured down her face. I walked over to Minerva, who looked horrified, and Blitzen, who was shaking his head with a smile on his face.

Did that count as defying the Capitol? Probably. Did I care? No. I had promised Leo that I'd tell her. And so I did. The Capitol could cry me a river.

I was Annabeth Chase, victor of the 69th Hunger Games. They wouldn't do anything to me. I was too important.

And I needed a drink.