As absurd and awful as it sounded, I decided to go through the Botox procedure. Oh yippie, 2 more weeks until I get Botox injections...IN MY VAGINA. 8 more days...2 more days... The decision ran through my head in every waking hour. I told my closest girlfriends and they shrieked in sympathetic agony for me.

"But I don't understand" they both asked, "wouldn't that make you, you know...tighter?" I explained to them as best I could that the Botox would only paralyze my muscles, not make them tighter, but even I was a little weary.

I had decided to confine in my oldest sister, though I had left big chunks of the story out. Basically, she thought my problem was no big deal, that it would be easily fixed, this notion was backed up by me constantly saying "but it's not big deal" every time I tried to tell someone what was going on. So, I can't be too harsh on her or anyone else really. However, now it was a big deal and I expected her to understand that. When I told her I was getting Botox, she replied with "wow lucky you!" and I lost my shit.

"How can you be so insensitive?" I angrily texted her (we lived in separate states, which doesn't help the communication problem whatsoever). I went on and on about how awful it was, how scared I was, and basically how stupid I found her to be. She ended with telling me I was overreacting and that it was no big deal. She didn't understand, and I didn't have the courage, patience or words to help her, so I put down my phone and my fiancé drove us home from dinner as I cried about how shitty I thought my life was and that I no longer wanted this Botox. Disclaimer: I absolutely am unreasonable and can be very self pitying when it comes to this....I admit that with no shame (okay maybe a little).

In February 2016, the fateful day of vaginal Botox came, and I marched bravely into the office for my procedure, this time with underwear on and a new found sense of hope.