My dad called yesterday. I haven't spoken to him in at least a year, and I've only seen him once since my mother and I moved here from Texas right after I turned sixteen. It's funny how no matter how hard you try to run, your past always finds a way to catch up with you. Even though I sent his call to voicemail it's all I've been able to think about. Elliot has been working hard to put me in a better mood. She always has an innate way of sensing when something is bothering me even if I try to hide it. She can't help me with this, and I don't want her to.

The next night I wake up in a cold sweat with Elliot gently shaking my arm, alarm written all over her face. There are certain things I don't want her to see, and this would be one of them.

I'm slightly disoriented, staring blankly back at her for a moment. It's been a long time since I had a dream like that. I can almost taste the blood clogging my throat when I try to take a full breath.

"Hunter, are you okay?" she asks softly. The distress radiating off of her is still palpable as I nod. "Are you sure? You were—"

"I'm fine," I interrupt a little too loudly. I take another quick breath and collect myself, turning toward her. "I mean—I'm okay, baby. I'm sorry."

Her hand is clutching her stomach as she remains up on her knees at my side. "You scared me. I couldn't wake you up." She slowly sinks back into the covers and curls against my side again.

I wrap my arm around her while I continue to try to catch my breath. "It was just a dream, everything is fine."

Elliot pops her head up, searching my face. "Hunter, you're still shaking. Does this happen often—do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm fine. Really."

She doesn't look convinced, but she also doesn't press further. Instead of lying down beside me again, she gets up from the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get you some water," she says, pulling on a pair of sweatpants.

I sit up quickly and throw the comforter aside. "Elliot, get back into bed. I said I'm fucking fine, will you just let it go?"

Her face contorts in disbelief. "Hunter, you were literally screaming. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I'm trying to help you."

I throw my hands up and stand up from the bed, walking past her. "I don't need your help right now." I know my words come out harsher than I intend them to because her face falls.

She wraps her arms around her tiny frame and nods. Causing her to feel that way almost breaks me, and I curse under my breath as I walk back to her. "Baby, I'm sorry." I kiss her forehead and then her temple before pulling her into my arms. "Okay? It just caught me off guard is all. I'm sorry."

Her face presses harder against my chest, her voice barely a whisper. "I love you. You can talk to me about anything."

My arms stiffen around her. Elliot loves me? I pull her back a little so I can see her face. I heard her plain as day, but I want to hear it again.

"What did you say?"

She wipes a tear from her eye and smiles. "I said—I love you, Hunter."

Leaning down, I kiss her once softly. "I love you, too." I wrap my arms around her and hold her against my chest again. "So much."

As much as I try to stop it, a tear begins to fall down my cheek. What will she think of me when she finds out who I really am?

***

Walking up onto the warped floorboards of the front porch I frown at the screen door still hanging off its hinges. I told that lazy piece of shit I'd fix it the last time I was here, but he insisted he would get to it.

Looks like I was right again.

I take a breath before knocking twice. It goes so long I almost knock again before my mother answers the door. "Hunter," she says with a small smile. "I wasn't expecting you." She waves for me to come inside, and I take in her tired eyes. She looks ten years older than she's supposed to, and I know the reason.

"Sorry, I was going to call but—"

"No, I'm really glad you're here," she says cutting me off. "Can I make you something to eat or a drink maybe? I just made a fresh batch of tea."

I nod as I walk into the small kitchen and take a seat at the table. "Tea sounds great."

My acceptance makes her smile a little brighter, and she grabs a glass from the cabinet. "Russ isn't here right now. He got a new job and it keeps him on the road for most of the week. I'm sure he'll be sad he missed you."

That's highly doubtful. In the almost five years since they've been together, I can't remember a single conversation between me and her boyfriend that I would consider to be amicable. "Tell him I said hi when you talk to him." Sometimes it's better to keep the peace rather than admit the truth.

She nods as she continues to pour my drink. "How's Regan doing? You haven't brought her around lately."

I scratch my head as I take the glass from her hand. "Oh, we kind of broke up. I'm actually living at Ollie's right now."

She smiles again, taking the seat across from me. "Such a nice boy he is. I always enjoy when he comes by." I almost laugh. Oliver really puts on a show for her when I bring him with me. You would think he actually had manners.

"Yeah, he's something alright."

"Well, what happened with this one?"

I shrug. "She wasn't the one for me I guess."

The look on her face tells me she knows there's more to my visit than some girl. A mother always can, they are programmed that way. "So, that's it then? Nothing else new going on?"

I take another drink because my mouth suddenly feels dry. "Dad called a couple days ago." I pause and gauge her reaction. She folds her hands together but keeps her features even. Ever since they divorced, she always tried to keep things as casual as possible for me considering the circumstances surrounding it. "When's the last time you talked to him?"

"Um, I talk to him a good bit about you. He's always asking how you're doing."

I laugh, but not out of humor. "But he doesn't ask me, though. I haven't spoken to him since last summer."

"You know it's hard for him to communicate with you. That doesn't mean he doesn't care."

My mother has been making excuses for him since I was old enough to listen. Her choice in men hasn't changed as I would assume it seldom does for most women. My jaw clenches. "Well, what does he want?"

Her eyes drift to her intertwined hands and then back to me. "He wants you to go visit him. I think it's a good idea. It's time you two hash things out finally. You only get one father, and everyone deserves a second chance."

The weight of her words lands heavily on my chest. I'm not sure I have even an ounce of forgiveness in me for that man. I stand up from the table and lean in to kiss her on the cheek. "I'll think about it, okay?"

***

When I make it back to the house, Elliot is sitting on a lounge chair with her legs pulled up under her chin. I know my behavior over the past couple of days has been unsettling, but I'm not ready to talk about it.

"Hey," I say as I make my way over to her.

A genuine smile crosses her face, and it hits me hard for some reason. I sit down below her and pull her legs across my lap. "I missed you today."

She grabs my face gently, pulling me closer. Her kiss is soft and measured as opposed to the urgent nature in which we usually greet each other. It's like she's assuring me that everything is going to be okay without needing the words to say it.

"I always miss you, no matter how long you're gone." She pulls back and searches my eyes, so I force a smile.

"Is Oliver home?" I ask, changing the subject.

"No, he said he had some extracurricular activities he needed to attend to, and I didn't ask him to elaborate further." She laughs. "I don't want to know."

I pat her leg with a laugh. "It's probably better that way."

Elliot leans into me and wraps her arms around my neck. Even though I know she wants to, she doesn't say anything. She's treading lightly around me now, and I don't blame her. I always expect her to be so open with me and yet I can't offer the same in return. Eventually I will have to tell her, but for now I'll just try to keep my darkness inside where it belongs. Locked deep down where it can't hurt anyone ever again.