Now, where is this love to be found?

(pronounced ah-lay-uh)

"I wanna love you. I wanna love you and treat you right. I wanna love you, every day and every night."

I swayed my hips to Bob's silky voice and mumbled the lyrics, as I slicked my long curly hair into a ponytail.

Today is the day.

The day I finally get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm not going to let depression ruin my life. I'm tired of sitting in my apartment, eating shitty food and sulking in all of my misery. If you saw me these last few weeks, you'd swear my nigga broke up with me or that my life was a mess. Hell, my life is a mess.

Sigh, I'm just being dramatic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond blessed. My life may not be perfect but I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm 23 and healthy, I just graduated college, got into grad school at NYU with a huge scholarship, I have my own apartment in the city, I'm starting a business and I finally got a job interview. Life is amazing, but why do I feel this way?

I guess it's because I'm lonely, most of my friends are back home, my only family is gone, and my only two friends in NYC are on vacation with their significant others and quite frankly I'm tired of seeing everyone's ass boo'd up on Instagram.

"Man, fuck that love shit", I thought out loud.

Between my inner thoughts and my thick ass hair not getting into this ponytail holder, I was beyond frustrated.

Then, when I was on the edge on my breaking point, the ponytail holder snapped and flew across the room.

"Ughhhhhh what the eff man", I grunted, my Caribbean accent coming out fully.

"Ok Allaya, breathe and try again."

After 10 more minutes and a whole lot of eco styler gel later, I finally got my thick black hair into a braided ponytail.

I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I was wearing my favourite navy blazer suit, a crisp white shirt, my camel coloured coat was laying on my bed and my black Gucci pumps that my mom got for my 18th birthday were on the floor.

Damn, I look good.

I took out my phone and recorded a quick video to send to my best friend.

"It's Allaya your fav corporate America bae." I laughed at my antics while I sprayed on my YSL Black Opium perfume.

I have a job interview at some recording studio in Harlem to be this artist's PA (personal assistant), but the interview is in Midtown. It's not my ideal job but it pays hella good and I need the money to pay grad school tuition and support the "wanna-be-bougie" lifestyle I wanted.

I looked at my watch and sighed. "Okay, it's time to go."

It's already 8:45 am and I need to take the subway to Midtown from Brooklyn in order to make my interview for 9:30 am. And knowing how unpredictable the NYC metro system is, I needed to leave now.

I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my coat and purse, then rushed out of the apartment to the nearest subway to wait on the 4 train.

When it came I took a seat next to the least smelly person and put in my EarPods before playing my "On the Go" playlist.

Buju Banton's gruff voice sounded in my ears while my mind went into reflection mode.

"Am I really unhappy?", I thought.

Nahh I'm just bitching because I'm lonely.

All my life I've had to learn to be alone. And I mean that in the romantic sense. I just never really attracted anyone.

In high school, I was the smart fat girl and a bit insecure, but I was the type of girl that was cool with everyone. All of the guys always saw me as one of the homies. Even when I would try to flirt, I'd just be friend-zoned later on. They only time guys outside of my friend group talked to me, were if they wanted to date one of my friends. This sucked for a while, but then I just put my focus on my studies. That's how I graduated high school and college at the top of my class with honours. As an adult, my mindset remained the same and I'm just focused on accomplishing my career and financial goals.

I say that I have no interest in guys and don't want a relationship. And that when I get older I'll just be the bougie rich aunt like Tracee Ellis Ross, but deep down inside, I know that's not what I want.

A few minutes later I stepped off the train onto the subway platform. I glanced at my watch again and inwardly cursed myself. It was 9:19 and the building was a ten-minute walk away, plus the lady in the email told me to be 15 minutes early.

"My fucking hair, if only it could behave itself for one morning. Actually, if I did it the night before I wouldn't have this damn problem", my inner self babbled, trying to reprimand me.

I was walking as fast as I could in these 4-inch heels. My ankles twisting a little bit with every step.

By the time I got into the tall steel and glass building, bypassed security and got into the elevator to the 30th floor, I was trying my best to control my breathing.

Nothing's worst than breathing hella hard in a quiet elevator full of people.

The elevator dinged signalling that it was my stop. I murmured excuse me and pushed my way through the steel doors.

The sign on the wall read "D.B Harlem Industries". I walked through the doors into the reception area, I checked my watch for the time yet again - 9:37, shit.

"Good Morning, I have a 9:30 interview with a Mr. Williams."

"You're late. Name?", the receptionist said.

Bitch tell me something I don't know.

I arched my eyebrow and shifted my weight to my left foot.

"Allaya Daniels "

"Well Ms. Daniels, please have a seat and I'll call you when Mr. Williams is ready."

"Okay thank you"

I turned around to the waiting area, shrugged off my coat and laid it in the chair beside me, next to my bag.

I turned my phone off and crossed my legs, observing the office space around me.

Everything was glass and steel, it looked like a place where money was made...a lot of it. I finally got a good look at Ms. Rude Ass behind the desk as she stood to talk to some guy.

She had on a short black sleeveless dress, a pair of black pumps and a blonde wig. She may be rude but her hair was laid. Now if we could only get her away from those Fashion Nova club dresses.

My thoughts about her were suddenly interrupted when a man stormed through the door walking to the back of the office.

"Good Morning Mr. Brewster!", the receptionist perked up.

"Oh? So her rude ass does have manners, just not enough for me", I thought.

The man didn't reply, he just walked to the back, leaving her there with a slight look of disappointed on her face.

I lightly chuckled to myself before the receptionist spoke up.

"Mr. Williams will see you now, please follow me"

Well here we go, you got this Laya, you got this.

________________

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(Concrete Jungle by Bob Marley)