Life for me was a struggle, not financially, but to gain affection from everyone around me.

When I was little the only source of my love was coming from Dada, but Dada went too early for me to cherish that fondness. A Five-year-old kid would be just living her life without an ounce of a single problem but to me, it was not simple, I was told from a very young age that I'm not like normal children, as my father didn't care enough to look after me, and my mother was just too selfish to love her daughter.

Maybe, if I was told that I'm adopted perhaps, I would have not been that disappointed, however, I was told from the start that I have been abandoned by my parents and was baggage on everyone.

I would always get jealous when Tayi

Amis or Chachi would show affection to their kids, it was wrong of me, but my little heart demanded nothing but for my mother's devotion towards me and my father's care.

Financially Baba supported me and every five or six months he would send me gifts, and every time my heart would hope that he would come to take me with him.

But that time never came.

Once in a while, everyone would go on a family outing separately, and I had to stay with Dadi, it was justified as to why would a happy family would allow an outsider to come between them, but still, I always got hurt seeing my cousins happy with their parents.

Talking about my mother - I have never seen her, sure, I've seen her countless times on TV promoting her designs or talking about fashion, but not even once I saw her face in front of me. It's Baba who come with a five-year gap, So, its been four times now, as I'm twenty-three. when I was little, every Sunday he used to facetime me just for five minutes to talk to me but they also stopped when I turned eleven.

Even after everything, I have an indescribable love for them maybe, it's natural or maybe, because I have no one to cherish other than them.

I remember Baba's first visit, I was five Dada was still alive, I threw a major tantrum as I wanted to go with him, I held his legs tightly and was constantly begging him, "Please Baba, take me with you, I will be a good girl, I won't ever disturb mummy, please Baba take me." Those words were fixed on my tongue, but he never looked at me, not at once, Dadi yanked me away from him and I saw him leaving without turning back, my fat tears were rolling continuously from my eyes, Dada instantly came to my rescue and took me with him and that night he told me that I'm his favorite grandchild and that nobody can possess the beauty that I held.

After Dada, things got messy, as nobody in the house was ready to accept me, Dadi was facing complication after her husband's death, her attention was also not on me, and I became a wallflower sitting and hiding alone at the corner of the house.

"So, how much have you done?" Yazan's voice broke my series of thoughts and I hurriedly wiped a stray tear. I lowered my eyes, So, he wouldn't take notice of my red eyes.

"I'm just revising." I said in a small voice.

"Good! You can study I won't disturb you, I was just joking about taking your test." I looked at him and he took out his phone from his pocket and got lost in typing something.

For the first time, I notice how beautiful he was with his straight nose, grey eyes his ebony hair, and sharp jaw.

Realizing what I was doing was wrong, I quickly muttered Astgfirullah and focused on my books.

"Jab university jana hoga to mujha bula lena ma chor do ga." Without listening to my replay, he took his coffee from the table and went away.

( when you will be ready to go to university call me, I will drop you off.)