seems i've found that

i just can't live without y o u . . .

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"Look to your left... not that much... go back– stop! That's perfect. Don't move."

"I have to sneeze."

"You better fucking not."

I grinned to myself and heard the click of Collin's film camera from behind me. I didn't actually have to sneeze, but teasing him when he was in the zone while taking photos was part of my job as being his best friend.

"Okay..." he trailed off, debating his next move for me. "Lean up a little and put all of your hair behind you. Just let it go crazy in the wind. God, this lighting is unbelievable." His voice was low like if he spoke too loud, the sun would vanish. Which in a matter of minutes it would since it was starting to set.

Collin snapped photo after photo, taking advantage of golden hour and that I volunteered to be his model for this spontaneous shoot. I had been his subject on more than one occasion throughout our time of knowing one another, though I couldn't say I especially liked having my picture taken. Because I was comfortable with him and we were practically family, I didn't mind when it was Collin behind the camera. Plus, he naturally had a relaxing aura that could make anyone trust him.

I had seen every shot he'd ever taken, and the candid ones were always my obvious favorite. Blurry selfies at bars, light leaks at concerts, wild effects over top of our faces from expired film. They were the best because they couldn't be duplicated. Unpredictable and chaotic; to feel the energy through the photo just by looking at it. To remember exactly how you felt in that moment when it was taken. They were the best because that was life.

Once Collin had used up the remainder of film that was left on the current roll in his camera, we scrambled off the roof to get back inside, away from the harsh wind to where it was warm. I crawled through my window first, then as soon as Collin was on his feet in my bedroom, I slammed the window shut and locked it.

Turning away from the window, my phone buzzed in the pocket of my jacket and erased whatever thought crossed my mind. I slid it out and when my eyes came across the name on the screen, a sense of dread hit me straight on like a wave in the ocean.

"Fuck," I grumbled, "it's Sutton."

"Put it on speaker. I wanna listen," Collin said eagerly as he plopped onto his stomach on my bed.

Rolling my eyes, I took a seat on the other side of the bed and swiped to answer the call. I pressed the speaker button and placed the phone between us, my anxiety nipping at me with every second that passed.

As if I didn't have enough Sunday Scaries biting me in the ass today, an unanticipated phone call from my sister was enough to send even the most sane person into delirium. Donatella and Nadia were leaving first thing in the morning for a month in Milan and other than my sister's wedding, it was the last thing I was looking forward to. The trip had been extended from three weeks to four, which was another nail in my coffin. The only upside to it was the last week of their trip was the same week I'd be in Hawaii, so who knew what we'd come back to at the office once February arrived.

That was Future Bayla's problem. Current Bayla was still pretending everything was fine, even if it most certainly wasn't.

"Hey, what's going on?" I answered casually, kicking my sneakers off.

"We have a crisis," she said without missing a beat.

There was no indication in her monotone voice of what said crisis could be, but I figured if it was something really serious – like say, Koa was leaving her – she'd be screaming bloody murder.

My heart stopped and I looked down at Collin. He just shrugged.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

I readjusted myself so I was sitting cross-legged and facing Collin. We both stared at my phone lying on my white comforter between us. Behind her name and the call time on the screen was a photo of Sutton and I dressed as two out of five Spice Girls from Halloween one year when we were kids. The rest of her friends were the other members of the group, but I cropped them out. Years later, it made more sense to me why I was Baby Spice and she was Posh Spice.

Sutton sighed, and my stomach rolled.

"I demoted Valerie from her position as Maid of Honor."

"What?" I spat, my reaction time a lot quicker than I expected.

"Oh my God," Collin whispered to himself in shock.

"Okay wait, listen. The girls and I were out to brunch yesterday and when I came back from the bathroom, I overheard Valerie talking to the other bridesmaids, saying she thinks Koa is too good for me," she explained bitterly and in my head I thought, well he is. "I mean, who does she think she is? Would I ever say that about her fiancé if she ever gets married? Definitely not when I know she might hear me. So she's done."

I tried to say something, but my vocal chords faltered.

My goddamn sister. My screwy, impulsive, heedless sister. She brought more stress into my life than any other sole person I knew.

"Sutton, what the hell?" I shrieked then as panic started settling its way into my veins. "Do you know how ridiculous you sound?"

"I'm just doing what I think is right for my wedding," she defended.

"What great timing you have, three weeks before your wedding and now you decide to pull this shit."

"Kinda like how you broke up with your boyfriend of seven years right before my wedding?" She fired back.

I couldn't lie; it stung. The wound was still fresh and she knew that, but she was my sister and she'd use every last weakness I had against me for whatever reason.

Collin, who was watching all of this unfold like it was the season finale of a reality TV show, scoffed on my behalf. It was a low blow, but unfortunately she wasn't wrong.

"Not the same thing," I muttered.

"Whatever," she disregarded. "The damage is done. This is what's happening now."

I groaned out loud, pulling at my hair in agony. "Jesus Christ, so is she not coming to the wedding then?"

"She is. That's why I demoted her," she repeated the word as if I didn't hear her the first time. "She's a fucking bitch but she's still my best friend. She's coming to the wedding because everything's already paid for and the bridal party would be ruined if she didn't. Instead, she's just a bridesmaid now. Which means I need a Maid of Honor."

Sutton Logic. It made no goddamn sense.

She was on such a rapid rant that I completely missed the last part and what her intentions were. The words registered a minute too late. Every puzzle piece came together and I realized exactly why she was calling me.

"Absolutely not," I rejected her.

"Bayla, please. I'm begging you! I need you to do this for me," she wailed. I could almost see her face, the same one she pulled whenever she wanted me to do something. Her gleaming eyes and pouty lips could persuade anyone.

Every villainous thing she had ever done to me flashed through my brain like a reel of fast-forwarded film. Every last spiteful word out of her mouth, every fight she picked, every petty and passive-aggressive move she'd ever made. Every bit of pain and suffering she meticulously placed in my life like they were pieces on a chess board, most of which came from this diabolical, never-ending nightmare of a wedding.

Why should I do this for her?

I didn't owe her anything. She owed me things she couldn't even give to me. She owed me a years' worth of time I spent on this wedding from the minute she got engaged. She owed me a lifetime of sleep, zero stress, and endless cocktails. The list could go on and on.

Before I could refuse her again and hang up, leaving her Maid of Honor-less and miserable, my brain switched gears.

I wasn't a cold-blooded person – I cherished my family, as demented as they may have been sometimes. For that reason, I began to think of everything she'd done for me out of the goodness of her own heart. How she'd been there for me during times that I couldn't go to Collin for help, when I had no other young female figure prominent in my life.

Like when I got my first period and she stood on the other side of our bathroom door, coaching me on how to put in a tampon. After the very first time I made out with a guy who never spoke to me afterwards and she told me how shitty boys could be, but that I should never let it get the best of me. All the clothes she'd let me borrow (whether she knew it or not), all the alcohol she'd given to me in secret before I was legal, all the times she would cover for me when I'd sneak out or come home way past curfew.

She may have been my sister and she may have been the biggest pain in my ass. I may have really, really disliked her at times. I may have considered disowning her at some points, and probably vice versa. But I couldn't look past all the times she had been there for me, and I couldn't find it in my heart to abandon her for something like this.

I'd do it, and not because I was a people pleaser. I'd do it because she was my one and only sister and I loved her, because I wanted to see her happy and this was a step towards it. I wanted her to have the wedding of her dreams and if I had to suffer for that, then so be it. I'd done enough of that already so for another couple of weeks, I could handle it.

But I wanted her to suffer for just a little bit longer.

"Pretty please? I'll do anything, okay? Anything you want, please just help me out here," she continued to plead on the phone while I considered her offer.

"Anything?" I asked to clarify, my eyebrows raising as ideas ran through my mind.

"Anything, I swear."

"Pay my rent."

The words tumbled out of my mouth and Collin's jaw dropped. He looked up and I cringed when our eyes met.

He mouthed, "Savage!"

"Pay your– what? For how long?" Sutton sputtered out a response.

Apparently we were all stunned by my request. Unless she could cast a sleeping spell on me or repair my relationship with he-who-shall-remain-nameless, this was the only thing I could think of.

"Not sure," I said with a shrug. "But what I do know is you have the money, and I could really use the help right now considering I'm living with Collin. It could be a couple months, maybe longer. Just until I get my shit together and figure out what I wanna do."

"Um... that could take a while," she mumbled, but I could sense her mocking tone. "I'm kidding. Fine, I'll do it."

"Then you got yourself a new Maid of Honor."

I didn't think I'd ever hear a squeal louder than when Sutton saw Koa get down on one knee before her, but I think this topped that.

It caused Jax to come running up from where he was in his bedroom on the second floor and thrust my door open in a frenzy. His hair stuck up in every direction as dark as the circles under his eyes, with a rumpled t-shirt hanging off his torso and striped boxer shorts. The sight had Collin and I laughing to ourselves.

"Is everything okay? What was that?" He croaked.

"My sister. Sorry we woke you," I said sheepishly.

All he did was nod in drowsy understanding and pad across the room to where we were camped out on my bed. He dropped himself by the headboard amidst all my pillows, curled up like a cat, and observed our phone call with Sutton.

"Are you still there?" Sutton asked, unamused by our brief distraction.

"Yes, Sutton."

"Okay, well you're coming into this at the perfect time. Pretty much everything is taken care of, the only things we need to do are finalize the music and seating chart, make sure the headcount is correct, and other stuff we can't really do until we're on the island. We're all going to get our hair done a week before we leave, and the day before we leave is our nail appointment. Stef, you know the girl who does spray tans? Well, she's coming to the wedding and she said she'd spray all of us like a day or two before the ceremony. So basically, just be here for me! Which I mean, you're my sister so you do that anyway. It should be painless for you since Val and I already took care of everything major."

"Yeah, except the actual wedding itself," I added on. She tended to get so caught up in all of the little shit that the wedding didn't even seem like a big deal anymore. The ceremony was a piece of cake – it was everything leading up to it that sucked.

"Duh," she chirped. "Okay, I gotta go. Wifely duties means I have to cook dinner. I love you so much. Thank you, Bay, seriously. I owe you for this."

"You owe me a lot, but I'll wait until after you're married to start the demands," I smirked, though deep down I wasn't joking.

She barked out a laugh before belting, "Goodbye!"

I pressed the red circle on my phone's screen to end the call, then looked up at my two roommates with a sigh.

"So what did I walk into?" Jax questioned with one eyebrow quirked.

"I just went from being a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding to being Maid of Honor," I summarized for him.

Collin chuckled as he shook his head. "I can't believe you said yes. All the shit she's put you through for this wedding and you agreed to this?"

"Yeah, but now she's paying my rent that technically you didn't ask for, so it's okay," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I mean yeah, it would've been nice to just sit in the backseat and enjoy the ride for this because now I have to revolve my entire life around her, but that's nothing new. Unfortunately I'm used to it."

"I don't know your sister, but I've heard enough about this wedding to assume she's a handful," Jax commented with a yawn.

Collin and I looked at each other flatly. That was one way to describe Sutton.

I shrugged again. It was the only response I had.

"Maybe I'm changing and trying to be a little more selfless. Or I just wanna be able to live to see Hawaii," I said. "Whatever. Only three and a half weeks until I'm free. I can do it."

I'd been saying for the last year and now that the countdown for the wedding of the century was dwindling, I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse about it.

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A/N - if this chapter seems rushed it's probably because it is lol. i really didn't get to thoroughly edit it (that's every chapter at this point tbh) (it's a first draft tho so it's ok). this chapter specifically is written a little differently (i think???) but i wrote like 75% of it on the wp app which i HATE doing but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get shit done u know?¿ i'll get to editing and perfecting this one day. in the meantime, if you could find it in your heart to cut me some slack i'd truly appreciate it. i'm a hard working gal and i'm trying to write literally whenever i get a spare minute to sit and think. RIP my brain.

anybody tired of sutton's bullshit yet lol???? dw the wedding is almost here and she won't be a bother anymore! maybe! who knows! idk! we've got some interesting stuff coming up in this story so buckle your seatbelts kids bc it's gonna get WILD.

all my life is anymore is work + sleep + coffee + concerts. we are thriving and surviving, my friends. we are Trying. i sound like a broken record at this point but forreal thank you so much for continuing to read and support ya girl. it makes me so happy. y'all are the best. love ya lots!!!!

xoxo, sabbbycat