I ran away yet again.

I hate myself for it. I hate that couldn't face my problems head-on. I hate that I suck at confrontations. I hate that I was so damn weak.

I ran away and realized that I came back to the same place I was reading Cupid's Match at. I sat down and hid my face in my palms as I tried to calm my trembling body.

Hunter's words let the horrid memories of my break-up with him resurface. The one I tried to forget desperately. The one that always haunted me in my sleep.

Every night I wish it didn't happen. I wished that the Hunter who broke my heart wasn't real. I wished that day didn't exist. I wished I never met him. I wished I never fell in love with him. But my wishes would never come true as the harsh reality dawned upon me every single night I wake up in horror. And then I would cry myself back to sleep until I had no more tears left in me.

To say that the break-up scarred me for life would be an understatement. Everything changed that day and I could no longer be the same person I used to be. I lost a huge part of myself and I blame myself for letting him affect me that much. I started living life aimlessly because everything became meaningless.

Trusting people became one of the hardest tasks for me after what he did to me. I couldn't give my trust to someone so easily anymore. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. That's why I couldn't talk to anyone except the twins and my mom. The three most precious people in my life. I didn't need anyone else.

Nina and Newt played a huge part in helping me recover. I didn't recover fully but I was getting to it with their endless help. Nina thinks that my already affected mental health deteriorated after the break-up and told me to go to therapy. I refused because I didn't want to talk about the whole thing ever again.

But Nina didn't take my no for an answer and encouraged me to go daily. At this point, I just acted like I listen to her whenever she starts talking about it. I'm pretty sure she knows that I don't listen, but she still tries anyway. I love and appreciate her for that, and I truly feel like such a bad friend, but I really can't go.

Newt was always treating me with unhealthy snacks and always tries to make me laugh. Even though I gave him a hard time, he never gave up. I didn't deserve whatever he did for me because of what I did. I told him countless times to stop but he always says it was okay. Nevertheless, I will always carry the guilt of using him.

And then there was mom who never stopped treating me differently. She treated me like how she treated me before the break-up. She made me feel normal. She knew by heart that was what I needed the most.

Everyone in school started looking at me like I was the girl who got her heartbroken by the scary bad boy. They treated me like I was some fragile and sad princess. I hated it. Their looks just reminded me of how pathetic I was. How pathetic I've become.

So, I was extremely grateful to my mom for treating me like I'm her regular strong, and normal teenage daughter. But at nights where I would cry myself to sleep, I would feel her hug me as her way of comforting me. One night, I even felt her tears on me and heard her telling me it was going to be okay. That comforted me more than I expected it to.

Realizing that I was going through the memories of that horrible past once again, I gripped my hair with both of my hands and squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to think of something else.

But it wasn't working. All I could see was that scene. That fucking scene that haunted me day and night. I stood up in frustration and decided to walk around to find some kind of distraction. There had to be something.

I walked aisle from aisle and opened some books. But nothing interested me or distracted me. I walked further into the furthest part of the library and found myself halting in my step as my eyes widened.

Our school library had a listening station? Since when? I quickly walked over and tapped on the screen which then displayed a various collection of digital albums from various artists. I have just found the best distraction. My eyes scanned the album titles until it landed on one that caught my attention.

Ariana Grande's thank u, next.

I quickly tapped on it and put on the headphones that were on the side of the listening station. Then, I scanned the tracks and finally decided to go with my favorite one. The ninth track of the album. After pressing play, the song began.

Here's the thing

You're in love with a version of a person

That you've created in your head

That you are trying to but cannot fix

Uh, the only thing you can fix is yourself

I love you, this has gone on way too long

Enough is enough

I'm two blocks away, I'm coming over

I squeezed my eyes shut at the opening monologue. I forgot what this song was about. Damn it.

Painted a picture

I thought I knew you well

I got a habit of seeing what isn't there

Caught in the moment

Tangled up in your sheets

When you broke my heart

I said you only wanted half of me

Fuck me, why did I go and have to choose this song out of every song there is to exist in this world? Why did this song had to be one of my all-time favorites?

My imagination's too creative

They see demon

I see angel, angel, angel (angel)

Without a halo, wingless angel

The man above the skies must really, really hate me for putting me through this kind of mental torture.

Falling, falling

But I never thought you'd leave me

Falling, falling

Needed something to believe in, oh

I thought you were the one

But it was all in my head

It was all in my head

I decided to stop concentrating on the lyrics because it was starting to be physically painful. So, I started dancing to distract myself and focused on the melody of the song instead.

Yeah, look at you, boy, I invented you

Your Gucci tennis shoes running from your issues

Cardio good for the heart (good for the heart)

I figure we can work it out, hmm

My movements were restricted as the headphones' wire length was a hindrance. So, I let my feet move just a little as I relied heavily on the upper parts of my body to move to the rhythm.

Painted a picture

I thought I drew you well

I had a vision of seeing what isn't there

Caught in the moment

Tangled up in your sheets

When you broke my heart

Said you only wanted half of me

Closing my eyes, I felt the music in my soul as I released my emotions through my smooth motion. But my ears were adamant on listening to lyrics making my jaw clench.

My imagination's too creative

They see Cain and I see Abel, Abel, Abel (Abel, Abel, Abel)

I know you're able, willing and able

I told myself that I could keep going. That I was able to blissfully ignore the artist's words and that I was able to focus on the beautiful instrumental. But I knew I was failing miserably.

Falling, falling

But I thought that you would need me

Falling, falling

Needed something to believe in, oh

I thought that you were the one

But it was all in my head

It was all-

I hastily removed the headphones from my ears and threw them away from me before the song could finish. I had enough of this lyrical torture even when only some of it was...relatable. I can't believe one of my all-time favorites just joined my 'Never Again' playlist.

As I breathed deeply and was in the middle of composing myself, my peripheral vision caught a figure standing at the side. Of course, he saw the whole thing. As I said, the man above the skies must really, really hate me.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of rage flow through me. Everything hurts. Every single bone in my body hurts. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Life is so fucking unfair. Why was I the one who was getting punished when he was the one who betrayed me and broke my heart?

I turned to Hunter and burned him with my enraged eyes. "Did you see the whole thing?"

"Yeah." He answered which sounded close to a whisper as he looked tired.

I clenched my fists. "Then, you should know it's your fault." I started walking closer to him. "It's your fault that I've come to hate my favorite song. It's your fault that I might possibly come to hate dancing. It's your fault that I've become like this."

'It's your fault for making me fall in love with you', I wanted to add. But I couldn't bring myself to.

I stood right in front of him. "It's your fault that I'm broken," I said as my voice cracked while I stared right into his eyes with my water-filled accusing ones.

With that, I walked away from Hunter.